Heather Marshall on May 18th, 2010

So… how do I explain my absence from the blogging world for the past 8+ months? Well… I suppose I could blame it on being in my last trimester of pregnancy, or having a newborn, or going back to work full time,  or moving into a new house (all of which happened these past 8 months!) but in truth, my reason for not blogging goes much deeper than that.

How can I write about being a striving wife when, for so long now, I’ve felt like a STRUGGLING wife? I’m sure I could have written about my struggles & found that I’m not alone, but for some reason I turned inward and refused to give a voice or any recognition to my struggles.  I couldn’t figure out why I was so discontent & constantly snapping at my wonderful husband (& no, I am not suffering from post-partum depression!).

A few weeks ago, though, God finally got through to me & I realized that my attitude and struggles had NOTHING to do with my job, my baby, my husband, or my new house but had EVERYTHING to do with my waning relationship with God!

In all my busyness, I had been neglecting Him. Go figure, He’s the most important key to it all!!

Did I really think that I could handle EVERYTHING by myself? And then, when everything started overwhelming me, continue trying to do it myself? What a fouled up plan! I felt like I was failing as a wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and every other role I possess.

Several years ago, Jason & I had the youth group kids memorize this verse:

“I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NASB)

Did you catch that? Apart from Jesus, we can do NOTHING.  Want to be a great wife? Plug into Jesus. Want to be a great mom? Plug into Jesus! Want to succeed at whatever you do? You won’t, unless you’re connected to Jesus!

If you’re reading this blog, I know it’s because you want to be a great wife and have a great marriage. Perhaps you’ve found  yourself struggling to please your husband, to be the “perfect” wife, to have a great attitude, to be respectful & encouraging… Well, the struggle can be over! There’s only one relationship you need to work on, and that’s your relationship with Christ. 

Reconnect & kindle the flame with HIM… & everything else will fall into place. Suddenly you’ll find you have more patience, more love, a better attitude, and a brighter disposition!  Trust me, I’ve learned from experience, apart from a daily walk with Jesus, you can’t do this on your own!

Not a novel concept, but sometimes we need reminding. :)

So, ladies (& the few men that read this!), I hope you’ll forgive me for not sharing with you these past months. My heart and passion - both for my God and my blog - are back, and I hope you’ll continue striving with me!

I’d love to hear your thoughts & catch up with what you’ve been up to these past months! Leave your comments below!

Keep on Striving,

Heather :)

PS - If you’ve tried emailing me and have not gotten a response, it’s because my Outlook has been messing up & not letting me send emails. I’m going to work on that! :)

 

Related posts:

  1. The Gracious Wife versus The Sarcastic Wife
  2. The Power of a Praying Wife
  3. What Makes a Good Wife - Part 3 - Worldly Wife vs Biblical Wife
  4. The Gracious Wife versus The Angry Wife
  5. Some Final Thoughts on Being a Gracious Wife

18 Responses to “Confessions of a Struggling Wife”

  1. Wow!! Heather, this is so true! Especially after having faith, i didnt have much time to spend with God, or i thought that way. I was always freaking out over such little things and I realized I had the same problem as you! I wasnt focusing on God or spending barely any time with Him and that is what caused so much friction in every relationship i have! Its kinda good to see someone else is like me! (;

  2. Awesome as always Heather! God just used you to kick my up the backside! Why do we keep trying to carry such heavy loads alone! And we’re so used to doing it we don’t realise it half the time!
    Thanks! I’m glad you’re BACK!!! ;)
    Rachel

  3. Heather, it is great to see you back!

    I know your struggles, because I struggle too! But, that is part of being a ‘Striving’ wife. Realizing that we struggle, but striving for more!

    It all comes through Christ and I thank you for that reminder!

    -Ashley

  4. wow, what a great post. your honesty is so refreshing and inspiring. i can’t wait to read more about your journey and what God is teaching you.
    thank you and God bless!

  5. It is so good to hear from you again! I have been reading through your blog and using your advise for the past year while my husband is in Afghanistan, hoping to have a new attitude about our marriage when he returns. I was a “struggling” wife before he left, and I too blamed it on our new baby (he was 7 months old when his daddy left for Afghanistan) and the stress of the coming deployment. But the problem was me and my attitude towards my husband. I did your 30 day challenge (with a twist, since it had to all be in letter form!) and let me tell you, my attitude has miraculously changed over this past year. Michael will be home in July, to a brand new wife. I plan to do the 30 day challenge all over again when he is home!

  6. Many times over the years, I have had this same struggle. I try to do things in my own strength and fall flat on my face. Then I ask the Lord to work through me and to accomplish what He wants, and voila!, the strength comes, the wisdom comes, the Lord always, always, always, is faithful. And yes, the Lord has to come first; pleasing Him we can please our husband. Pleasing Him and having our first relationship with Him gives us what we need to raise our children and do what we have to do to maintain a peaceful home. Many times I would let my Bible reading slide, my prayer time almost non-existent and my life would start to unravel. Then I would realize the error, get back on track with the Lord, and things would get better. I love the verse that says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1John 1:9. So many times I have begged the Lord to cleanse me from unrighteousness. And He is faithful. Cling to Him first. Don’t make idols of our husbands or our children (or in my case, my grandchildren). The Lord must come first if we are to live this Christian life.

  7. Heather, Your site is absolutely amazing. I searched the internet months ago for a site that would help me as I began my journey on my 3rd marriage but this one had a different foundation…a foundation built on God. Thank you for opening yourself up to those who struggle/strive along with you!

    You are definitely not alone and we do try to do everything on our own so much of the time and forget sometimes that God wants to be in all things. Even the smallest details of our life matter to Him. We had praise and worship at church last night. Our pastor spoke on this same verse….so often I feel God tap me on the head and say “do you hear me now?” Yes Lord, I hear you :)

    praise song from last night by Kari Jobe:

    The more I seek you,
    The more I find you
    The more I find you, the more I love you

    I wanna sit at your feet
    Drink from the cup in your hand.
    Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat
    This love is so deep, it’s more than I can stand.
    I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming

  8. I love you sweetie! Great post!

    Please forgive me for not taking the time to recognize this any sooner and lead our family into a deeper dependence on Him. I guess we all can get busy (you’re not alone).

    I look forward to striving with you and tapping into the True Vine. Actually, this blog has more to do with men than you think… we are brides too!

    Love You! Keep up the great work!

    Jason

  9. Wow, I’m in tears as I read all of your wonderful comments (I got them all at once today because I found that they all accidentally got sent into my spam folder, which I never check! Oops!)

    Chelsea - I can only imagine what adding a 2nd child to the mix would do to me! You’re definitely not alone! If you ever need to talk or anything, come find me in church or facebook or whatever…

    Rachel - I’ll kick ya any time! (Although I should be gentle, what with the precious cargo you’re carrying these days!) :)

    Harriet - Thanks so much!

    Lauren - WOW, I am amazed by your story! Praise God for the work He is doing in your life! Your husband - and your child - will be sooo blessed by the new you!

    Mom - I love you! I love your wisdom! Thanks so much for being such a wonderful model of a Christian wife. Even when you think you are failing, your constant striving for God is all I see!

    Andi - Isn’t God’s timing impeccable? I love the way He works! (& I love that song, too!)

    Jason - I LOVE YOU, & I’m sooo glad that God gave me you to strive with!

    & to everyone else who is reading this & emailing me…. thank you all sooo much for your support & encouragement!

    KEEP on striving! :)

    Heather

  10. Thanks for sharing…this has really blessed me today! God bless you!

    PS: Congrats on the new addition!

  11. Heather,
    WOW…I am so moved by your transparency, vulnerability and flat out AUTHENTICITY! I am sure that EVERY single woman/wife that read this could completely relate to some degree or another, whether in the their present state, or in the past. I just want to say Thank You, for being real and candid. Sometimes that can be hard to do, BUT in doing just that, God just spoke thru you into my life, as well as who knows how many others! I completely agree-it ALL starts with JESUS. We are NOTHING without Him-yet there is NOTHING we cant do WITH HIM! :)
    Jessica Myers

  12. I’ve just found your site, but I’m hooked.
    Thank you for this post, it’s probably exactly what I needed to read this morning.
    Hope you continue blogging, it’s a blessing to read.
    -Karey

  13. Welcome back and congratualtions to your family on the blessed baby! I too understand as I have a habit of going into my “cave” instead of reaching out when I need too. I just completed the 30 day Encourage your Husband challenge and boy did satan have a time trying to keep me off track. I never paid attention to the fact that so many trials come when you are trying to be righteous.

    However, having the Armour of GOD on really helps, at times I wavered, but HE has helped me through. Being a wife is a fantastic! I want to do anything I can to make my marriage that place of peace for my husband and I thank GOD for sending people like you to share your wisdom to help us Striving Wives!

    Your a BLESSING Heather!

  14. Ghia, thanks! Glad you stopped by to read it!

    Jess, thanks for your encouragement! I’m so glad God can use me to bless others. I miss you! Next time you’re in NJ again, we need to get together!

    Karey, welcome to my blog! So happy you found (and liked!) it! :)

    Natasha, keep on striving! Satan definitely wants to put a stop to Godly marriages… but through Christ we can do ALL things!

    God never ceases to amaze me… His faithfulness is great, His mercies are new every morning! Keep on striving to remain attached to the Vine!

    Heather :)

  15. Dearest Heather,
    I’m very happy to have been able to read your striving wife blog; i’ve never read o blog before. I’m very ignorant on these websites, your Mom told me about it a couple of months ago; but i forget; but did intend on reading it. The other day i got a reminder from you through FB about your blog, so praise God it came to mind again and again the last few days and i was able to read it this morning. Dear i agree with you 100%; i believe we all go through this at one time or another in our walk with our Lord. I’m guilty of this again lately, my mind is on my daughter who just graduated HS and will be leaving for BJU in August. I love Nikki so much! I’m very thankful to God for blessing me with Nikki she has been such a blessing to me and my family. It is very hard to let go, i know that our kids are entrusted to us for a time and we are to let them go, I am and i will. I have been praying, but not spending enough time on my knees and in His word.
    Thank you for the reminder. Praise God for His Holy Spirit to bring me to this Blog to remind me for what He’s been trying to tell me through His prompting.
    God bless you and your family always. You are a tremendous blessings to all who know you and read your blog.
    With love , In Christ
    Maria

  16. I just stumbled on this post today and wow. This was exactly what I needed to hear. Just 2 days ago I told my hubby that I felt so overwhelmed. I felt like I was being stretched thin. My kids…my hubby…my house..the laundry…my part time job…losing this baby weight and getting in shape…AH! I told him I feel like I need to be superwoman and I’m not. But guess what I have been neglecting? My time with God. Everything you said I know is true. It was definitely my light bulb moment. Thank you so much for writing this! Even 9 months later it’s reaching out and helping someone :)

  17. Dear Heather

    I just came across this site as I was surfing the net for Stormie O’s books on Prayer. I have been reading your blogs since 2009 and am enjoying them. I know it is God who has led me to these blogs because lately had been praying that he shows me how to serve him in order to be a VERY RESPECTFUL wife to my husband. By the way I got married at a tender age of 23 and am now 28 with two children, boy 4 years and my daddy-looking-daughter 1 and half years. I have been happy in my marriage since the day we said I do. I have been praying a lot to God to help us to keep it this way.

    Well I have to confess that our happiness was a PURE blessing from above because we were not doing much to please God, I am not saying we were living in sin but we were not exceptionally living the way God wants us to. Just to be more clearer, we had even stopped praying together with my husband at night. Well I am glad the Almighty kept us happy until it dawned to me that we need to nurture our relationship with God because many people are not as fortunate as hubby and I are. Anyway with all the above that I have said, I want to thank you so much for this blog and will make a note so that I can constantly visit and read what other people have to say.

    Thank you Lord for the wisdom you have given Heather to be a blessing to your people on earth.

  18. Dear Heather

    I just came across this site as I was surfing the net for Stormie O’s books on Prayer. I have been reading your blogs since 2009 and am enjoying them. I know it is God who has led me to these blogs because lately had been praying that he shows me how to serve him in order to be a VERY RESPECTFUL wife to my husband. By the way I got married at a tender age of 23 and am now 28 with two children, boy 4 years and my daddy-looking-daughter 1 and half years. I have been happy in my marriage since the day we said I do. I have been praying a lot to God to help us to keep it this way.

    Well I have to confess that our happiness was a PURE blessing from above because we were not doing much to please God, I am not saying we were living in sin but we were not exceptionally living the way God wants us to. Just to be more clearer, we had even stopped praying together with my husband at night. Well I am glad the Almighty kept us happy until it dawned to me that we need to nurture our relationship with God because many people are not as fortunate as hubby and I are. Anyway with all the above that I have said, I want to thank you so much for this blog and will make a note so that I can constantly visit and read what other people have to say.

    Thank you Lord for the wisdom you have given Heather to be a blessing to your people on earth.

    Regards
    Asanda South Africa

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