The Striving Wife

Top 10 Reasons Why I Love My iPhone!!

Heather Marshall — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 13:30:14 +0000

A few months ago, my husband & I began to seriously consider getting rid of our dinosaur phones & upgrade to something better…. Namely, the iPhone. So, right after the 4s version came out, we went out & got the iPhone 4. It was cheaper, & readily available since the 4s models were sold out everywhere.
SO… now that I’ve had time to think about it…. Here are my top 10 reasons why I LOVE having a smart phone!!

1. Info at my fingertips! If I have a question about something (an actor in a movie, hours a store is open, etc) I whip out my phone & find out the answer in seconds! No more saying, “Hmm I wonder…”

2. Maps when I need them most! Driving through NYC with my husband, looking for the best route to/from/around Central Park, it was so nice to have a map with my current location on it! Another time when we missed our exit I was able to find a new route easily. Who needs GPS? I’ve got my phone!!!

3. Apps for everything!! Seriously! Airlines, bill paying, devotionals, recipes, even the wait times for rides at Disney!! Thanks to my handy-dandy apps, I can listen to my favorite music on the radio, edit videos & pictures to perfection, & upload them to wherever I want. Oh yeah baby.

4. Pinterest. At my fingertips, all day long. Need I say more?
5. Wifi wherever I go! REALLY great when my 2 yr old throws a fit in the car…. There are TONS of full Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episodes on YouTube!

6. New recipes all the time! Between Pinterest, AllRecipes, & Epicurious apps, I’ve been finding (& trying!) bunches of new recipes. I was even inspired to start using my crock pot!!

7. A 5 megapixel camera! So nice to be able to take decent quality pictures & videos of the kids… & then upload it to facebook that same day!

8. Multi-tasking! I can pay bills, check facebook, look up recipes, pin stuff on Pinterest… all while nursing an infant, riding in the car, waiting in line, or monitoring my son’s bath (the 2 yr old, not the infant!!). Case in point, I’m sitting in bed flossing my teeth as I write this. Nice, huh?

9. Words With Friends. The only game I allow on my phone, but it’s fun because it exercises my vocabulary (& gives me something to whoop my husband in!) Anyone else play? My username is StrivingMom! (Warning though - I don’t use cheats, & I don’t like playing against people who do!!)

And…. The final (& possibly BEST) reason…..

10. BLOGGING!! Could it be that just yesterday it dawned on me that there’s got to be an app for my blog? Sure enough…. There is! & so here I am. What’s great about blogging from my phone is that wherever I am, I can write. I started this post yesterday while nursing my 5 month old son, continued it during my older son’s bath, wrote more from my bed last night… I don’t have to wait til I have time to jump on a computer (which rarely happens these days). I can write whenever, wherever inspiration hits. The only negative - tapping away on a tiny screen with just my thumbs. Oh well.
Well, now you know! Hopefully this will indicate a return to blogging for me! Since I haven’t figured out my email or newsletter yet from my phone, keep connected through my facebook page… All updates will come through there first!!

The Striving Wife facebook page

So, now that I’m back…. What should I blog about?!

My Sincerest Apologies

Heather Marshall — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 18:33:29 +0000

Hello again!

Ready for a whole litany of excuses as to why I haven’t been blogging? Just kidding, I’ll spare you the gory details.

However, I WILL take time to apologize for not putting more priority on letting you, my readers, know where I’ve been. I’m not dead, or divorced, or anything like that… in fact, my husband and I recently celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary, and in another 6 weeks (give or take) we’ll be expecting our second child, another boy, to be born! So life’s been good, just hectic.

Yesterday I logged into my email account for this site for the first time in MONTHS. It’s been annoying to do so because of the loads of SPAM I keep getting (I don’t know HOW they all got my email address, but it’s obnoxious), and sorted through 1,300 messages in my inbox. Unfortunately, several of them were from my readers, and, in tears, I realized that I have been neglecting a ministry that was given to me by God.

So that is why I am apologizing. I am going to TRY to be on top of blogging more (though with another needy child I don’t know how successful I’ll be, we’ll see), and I’ll TRY to stay on top of my email inbox.. BUT… if you truly want to stay in touch with me & keep up with what’s going on in my world, please please please “like” me on Facebook!

Here’s the direct link to The Striving Wife on Facebook:

http://facebook.com/TheStrivingWife

I check it quite often, so feel free to say hi on the wall & we can chat there! I look forward to reconnecting with you all again!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

Beatitudes of a Christian Marriage - Part 3 of 4

Heather Marshall — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 18:34:18 +0000

The first two Beatitudes in this series were general concepts meant for any marriage, regardless of religion. This next one is slightly different. This Beatitude shows the foundation our marriages should be built on.

Blessed are they who thank God for their food and who set aside some time each day to read the Bible and pray.

This Beatitude actually has nothing to do with marriage… yet everything to do with marriage. Why do I say that? Because marriages work best when our relationship with God is at its best.

Let’s look separately at the three parts to this Beatitude:

Thanking God for your food
Setting aside time each day to read the Bible
Setting aside time each day to pray

Thanking God for your Food

As parents, we often teach our children early on to pray for our food. But I don’t think this is referring to a habitual saying of “grace” before meals. I believe the main purpose is to be in a state of thankfulness for the provisions God has given us.

The more thankful we are, the more content we can be! Instead of criticizing your husband for having a low-paying job, thank God that he has a job. Rather than demeaning your own cooking skills (or lack thereof!) be thankful that you have food to cook! God has richly blessed us with a roof over our head, food on the table, and (some) money in the bank… let’s not forget to thank Him!

Think you have nothing to be thankful for? Perhaps your husband lost his job, your house went into foreclosure, your family’s health is fading, your marriage is on the rocks, or some other calamity has come your way… The apostle Paul knew how bad things could get. He was stoned, imprisoned, shipwrecked, beaten, and afflicted by some bodily illness (his “thorn in the flesh”). Yet this is his response:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)

Paul’s secret to contentment is relying on the strength of Jesus Christ. Start by thanking God for what you do have, and let Him take care of the rest.

Setting Aside Time Each Day to Read the Bible

In the beginning of our marriage, Jason and I tried to sit and read the Bible together. We found that, in waiting for each other, we often neglected our own personal reading time. I think it’s great if you can read the Bible as a couple, but it is important for your relationship with God and your husband for you to have your OWN personal time.

Why is reading the Bible important? Well… for starters, it’s God’s love letter to us, His Bride. Why wouldn’t we want to read it?

Picture your husband leaving to go overseas for a year where there is no phone or internet. After a few weeks, you receive a letter from him. Would you toss it onto a shelf and say, “Wow, he wrote me a love letter,” but never read it? Would you display the envelope prominently in your house, but never open it? Of course not! You would tear it open and devour every word, reading and rereading it, memorizing each line.

Unfortunately, the former is what we do with our Bibles so very often. We put our big Bibles on display, or sit them on a shelf with all our other “important” books. We forget that what is on the inside is the most important. It’s God’s heart, written down in love letter format, preserved through the years, and fully available to us! Just as we wouldn’t ignore a letter from our husband, we shouldn’t be ignoring God’s letter to us. We should be tearing into it, devouring every word, reading and rereading it, memorizing each line.

Let’s look at it another way as well. Think back to when you first met your husband. Chances are, you didn’t know at that moment that you were going to marry him, but perhaps you were intrigued by him. Or perhaps he pursued a friendship with you. Somewhere along the line, you started to get to know him. You talked to him, asked him questions, heard his stories. The more you learned about his childhood and family, the more you learned about his character. The more you talked to him, the more you loved him. Am I right?

Well, it’s the same way we build a relationship with God! We get to know Him through His stories in the Bible. His past tells us about His character. The more we read about Him, the more we love Him. Would you have fallen in love with and married your husband if he never talked to you, never shared his life with you? You can’t expect to fall in love with God either if you never read His word.

So take the time to cultivate a relationship with God by reading the Bible. If you’ve never done it before, start with one of the Gospels (I’m currently reading Mark now, and it’s a great narrative of Jesus’ life and ministry; Jason is reading Luke, which is a detailed account of everything Jesus said and did). Get to know Jesus, then move on to other books of the New Testament for some life application.

Encourage your husband to read with you. Perhaps you can both (separately) read the same book of the Bible, or (like Jason & I are doing) read two similar books and then compare. It will help you both grow spiritually on your own, and spark new areas of conversation in your marriage.

Setting Aside Time Each Day to Pray

Prayer is a conversation with God, and it is crucial to your daily life. Prayer guides us, teaches us, and helps us grow in our faith and walk with Christ. Praying together as a couple strengthens the bond between you (it’s very intimate). Praying for your husband daily can help you love him more (especially if that’s an area you struggle with) and can do so much more for him than your nagging ever will.

If you’re not sure how to get started praying, check out Stormie O’Martian’s book The Power of a Praying Wife. It has helped me immensely both in knowing how to pray for my husband, and why it’s so important.

I hope this Beatitude will be our attitude for many years to come… always being thankful for everything God has blessed us with, reading His word, and praying daily. God will truly bless you for being faithful to this!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Have you noticed any changes in your life/marriage after putting any of these into practice? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Beatitudes of a Christian Marriage - Part 2 of 4

Heather Marshall — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 14:44:22 +0000

These past few weeks have been slightly tumultuous in the lives of the Marshall family as we “figure out” what God has planned for our lives in the coming weeks/months/years. We have been seeking God for guidance, praying constantly, and discussing many many many different paths and options. Thankfully, in this time of stress and uncertainty, we have not turned mean… in fact, we have been following this next beatitude pretty well, without even realizing it!

Here is our 2nd Beatitude of a Christian Marriage:

Blessed are those mates who never criticize or speak loudly to one another and who instead quietly discuss their disagreements and work toward solutions.

Do you ever feel like certain times “justify” criticizing your husband? Financial stress or periods of unemployment can put a strain on relationships; colicky babies or rambunctious toddlers can make a wife resentful of a husband’s life outside the home; no matter what the situation, criticizing and speaking angrily may seem like the best solution, but it certainly is not!

Remember what the Bible says about harsh words:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

The wisdom in this Beatitude is that by quietly discussing disagreements, you can avoid making things worse. Criticism, harsh or angry words… they just stir up more trouble!

Now, I come from an Italian family, and LOUD is sometimes all we know… then there are families who are very soft spoken and would probably get upset at one of my family gatherings. Some people are taught growing up never to raise their voice. Others are taught (usually by example) to say what they gotta say, as loud as they gotta say it. How do we decide what’s “right”?

Whether you’re talking to your husband, your kids, your sister, your best friend, or your mom, you’ve got to think twice about not just what you’re saying, but how you’re saying it.

Here are some guidelines to think about before speaking:

Is what I’m about to say hurtful, rude, or unkind in any way?
Will my tone of voice and volume convey my message properly?
What is my purpose? Is it to uplift and encourage, or degrade and tear down?
Is there benefit in what I’m about to say?
Have I prayed first, and asked the Holy Spirit to guide my words and tone?

Once you’ve done your self-check, feel free to start your discussion! It’s very important to resolve differences and deal with problems up front, and not hide them or brush them off.

Confrontation is a great thing, IF it’s done correctly. There is a reason why this beatitude says to “quietly” discuss disagreements! Quiet discussion implies self-control, civility, and dialogue. Those are key elements in working toward a solution. Hold off on confrontation or problem solving when angry, resentful, or in a bad mood. Nothing good will come of it.

Any thoughts, stories, advice, or comments on this? I’d love to hear from you!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Don’t forget to stay tuned for Part 3, coming soon!

Beatitudes of a Christian Marriage - Part 1 of 4

Heather Marshall — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 02:09:10 +0000

Recently my mom gave me a plaque that had on it the Beatitudes of a Christian Marriage. As I read through them, I realized just how true they are!! There are only four of them, & I’d like to take some time to go through each one.I hope you will join me as I work to make each of these my own “Be-Attitude”!!

Here is the first:

Blessed are the husband and wife who continue to be considerate and affectionate long after the wedding bells have ceased ringing.

It’s easy to be the “best” wife when you’re a newlywed! Sure, there are a LOT of new things to get used to, living with your husband for the first time… but there’s that new glow, new excitement, new areas of romance that keep things going strong.

Then two or three years go by… those little nuances of your husband are no longer endearing, but are downright annoying. Sex is less spontaneous & more planned (most likely because, at this point, you’re either trying to have a baby, or trying to avoid having more), and much of your life is in order & quite routine.

How’s your marriage at this point?

If you’re not careful, things can get a bit dry! The pressure to have a baby or the stress of a new baby can diminish romance, as can the “routine” of life.

Let’s jump a few more years down the line… introduce two or three kids to the mix, and life is a blur (hey, it’s a blur for us with ONE kid). As a mom, you’re rushing around trying to get kids fed, bathed, entertained, fed again, napped… plus as a wife, you’re trying to get the house cleaned, dinner on the table, bills paid… those wedding bells have definitely ceased ringing a looong time ago!

How’s your marriage at THIS point? Chances are, if you’re not careful, your husband can take loooow priority. I read an interesting article in one of the MANY baby magazines I get, & it talked about how 7 years is the number where many marriages fail. Why? Because husbands and wives spend so much focus on the KIDS, that they forget to invest in each OTHER!

So how do we keep from letting kids, careers, financial stress, or routines from deadening our marriage? Keep this Beatitude in mind! It has 2 parts to it:

Be considerate
Be affectionate

Be Considerate: Consider each others’ feelings, stress level, point of view, and what they’ve been doing all day. Don’t react out of your OWN stress or impatience. Sometimes your husband might come home at the end of a long, hard day at work and just want some quiet time to himself. Be considerate, & give him that! There will be days where YOU will need the break, too… and he just might be more inclined to help you out if you’ve given him the consideration at times, too.

Being considerate means looking out for your husband’s best interest and not being selfish. It means being kind and forgiving easily. It will cause you to rethink those harsh words you might have said, pause before giving him an attitude, and go the extra step to fix his lunch for him or make his favorite dessert. It’s those little things that show your husband that you still love him… and that he IS still a high priority in your life.

Be affectionate: My husband’s love language is physical touch, and a little affection truly goes a long way for him. A smack on the butt, a rub on the shoulders, a tousle of the hair… it doesn’t have to be sexual, but it shows your husband that you’re thinking about him, that you notice him. And in the midst of caring for the kids, elbow deep in baby food, even a wink from across the room can make his day.

Being affectionate keeps the romance going throughout the day… and could make even a tired, overworked wife “in the mood” at night. Hold hands, sit close together, text love notes to each other, kiss each other often… make time for those little things because they ALL add up to a healthier, happier, more romance-filled marriage!

My hope for my marriage - and for yours! - is that we would one day be that old couple that some young girl looks at and says, “Ooooh, look, how cute is that! They’re still holding hands and look so in love after all these years!” I want to be a cute old couple that’s still in love… and the best way to survive those in-between years is to always be considerate of each other, and be affectionate towards each other.

I’m definitely working on these for me! How about you?

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Stay tuned for Part 2, coming soon!!

Lost That Lovin’ Feeling?

Heather Marshall — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 03:25:50 +0000

So, in April Jason and I bought our first house! Very exciting stuff… we absolutely LOVE this place!

We are still working to unpack some boxes, mostly in our spare bedroom. The other night Jason and I were trying to get organized, unpacking books and placing them on the bookshelves in the room. We were being quite productive… until he found some of my old diaries!! Uh oh!!!

The first one he cracked open was from 1994… written by 13-year-old me! HA! Such a boring play-by-play of my life. He moved on to the next one, from 2005. THIS one I knew would be interesting - it was from the year before we got married! (If you’re unfamiliar with our unique Love Story, be sure to read about it here!)

The first page he opened to had doodles of pink hearts all over it… he thought he was getting something juicy, but turned out it was written to God. Then he turned the page & starting reading about a guy friend who had come over my house. As I’m sure many girls do, I began listing the reasons why I should/should not “like” this guy. At the end of my list of cons I had written, “and… he’s not Jason.” Jason read that and was like, “WHAT?! Alright!!”

Page after page, he read about how much I loved him… all while we were supposedly “just friends.” He read about how I analyzed every look he gave me, replaying every conversation in my head… and he read all the reasons why I loved him.

As he read (out loud) my words from almost 5 years ago, I was able to relive those mushy gushy feelings I had back then. I can still remember the rush of emotions a single glance my way held… So I wondered, “Do I STILL feel that way?” And my oh my,I realized, how things have changed!!

Of course I still love my husband! But now, my love has had time to mature and grow. I definitely know more about my husband today than I did back then - both his good parts AND his flaws. I now know Jason not just as my best friend and a great youth leader, but as a considerate husband and an adoring father.

No longer am I a starry-eyed, giddy girl, blissfully in love with her perfect Prince Charming. I now know that there is no such thing as a perfect husband, nor am I the perfect wife. I now know that being “in love” takes work, effort, and commitment. I now know that conflicts will arise, but - when handled correctly - can make a marriage stronger.

I’ve heard the expression, “Love is Blind. Marriage is the Eye-Opener” many times before getting married. It was meant somewhat negatively, but I think it’s true in the positive. Marriage tests love, strengthens love, matures love, renews love, and grows love.

Earthly marriage is a reflection of God’s love for us. As I love my husband, I am to be patient with his shortcomings, kind when he may not deserve it, trust his leading, and persevere through hardship. As I love my husband, I am not to be rude to him, not be easily angered by the things he does, not be selfish, not keep a record of all he does wrong, and not let stubborn pride keep us apart.

My love may no longer be mushy-gushy, but it is strong! This love is grounded in God’s Word, and with the strength of the Holy Spirit, it WILL NOT FAIL!

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NIV)

If you find yourself struggling to love your husband, think about how God loves us. He is so patient and forgiving every time we mess up (which is a LOT), and He wants us to love the way He loves! Start with prayer, then go phrase by phrase through these verses and try to live it out. I believe you will find a love that runs deeper than any giddy mushy feeling ever could try!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - What’s your love story? I’d love to hear how you and your husband fell in love… or even what you’re doing now to keep that love alive!!

Taking Time for ME Time

Heather Marshall — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 20:33:41 +0000

I’m sitting here in my new home while my precious baby boy is napping, surrounded by piles of folded laundry, unsorted mail, and half unpacked boxes… writing a blog post. Does this seem like I’ve got my priorities wrong? On the contrary, my friend! I’m making time for ME!

Last month when I sat down to write my latest blog post (the first in sooo long), I realized that I had been missing out on something all this time! It felt sooo good to get back into writing, answering emails, reading blog comments… I’d been missing out on ME time!

So much of what we do as wives and mothers centers around others. We cook, clean, care for, and spend time with our husbands & children. We run errands, go to church, and attend family BBQ’s. Even when we snuggle up with our hubbies to watch a movie, it’s with another person.

What many of us miss out on is time spent doing something for yourself. Perhaps it’s reading a good book. Maybe it’s taking a class. It could be a hobby, like crocheting or scrapbooking. Perhaps it’s even exercise! For me, well… I’d like to do ALL of those things but… blogging is definitely on the list for me!

I know what you may be thinking… in fact, I’m willing to bet that at least one of these objections are yours:

“I don’t have TIME to have me-time - I’m too busy!”
“I feel selfish leaving my husband with the kids so I can do what I want.”
“There’s too much work to get done around here for me to sit around doing nothing.”

Well, about a year and a half ago, I wrote about this very topic… & I’d like to repost part of it for you to read. It’s a great reminder of WHY this is so important!

When’s the last time you allowed yourself a break from housework, the kids, or (gasp) even your husband? Are you feeling worn out, fatigued, easily irritated? You may need to allow yourself some time for self-care!!

Not sure what to do? Here are some ideas:

Join a ladies’ Bible study.

Schedule a weekly or monthly girls’ night with other women from your church, Bible study, etc.

Get a manicure, pedicure, or massage.

Go out for coffee or shopping (either on your own or with friends, whichever your preference is).

Join a gym, especially one that offers aerobics classes!

Short on time, money, or even friends to go somewhere with? Here are a few other ideas…

Go for a walk.

Curl up on the couch with a cup of tea and a good book (either after the kids are in bed, or send them outside with Dad!)

Pick up the phone & call your mom, sister, or best girlfriend to chat.

Nervous about leaving your hubby alone with the kids? (Or even by himself?) No worries, he’ll be fine! Growing up, I loved the nights my dad was in charge - nobody had to eat their veggies!! Let your husband make his own fun memories with your kids, or if there are no kids involved, give him a night to be by himself (I’m sure he’ll find a night of video games or competition-free TV watching pleasurable).

Oh, & if he complains…. just let him know that you’ll miss him…. but it’ll be worth it for BOTH of you to have that time apart!

Admittedly, self-care was a hard concept for me to grasp during the first year of our marriage… I felt like Jason and I should do everything together… but then I found myself missing out on my female friendships! Also, I was often irritable and burnt out… looking back, I think I can attribute a lot of that to a lack of self-care.

It took a lot for me to realize that being a striving wife does NOT mean doing everything for my husband and nothing for me. And, it took a lot to realize that doing something for me does NOT mean I’m selfish!

So, do you agree that it’s important? What do YOU do for “Me-Time”? Or, what would you WANT to do? I’d love to hear your thoughts, comments, & ideas!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

Confessions of a Struggling Wife

Heather Marshall — Tue, 18 May 2010 17:38:38 +0000

So… how do I explain my absence from the blogging world for the past 8+ months? Well… I suppose I could blame it on being in my last trimester of pregnancy, or having a newborn, or going back to work full time, or moving into a new house (all of which happened these past 8 months!) but in truth, my reason for not blogging goes much deeper than that.

How can I write about being a striving wife when, for so long now, I’ve felt like a STRUGGLING wife? I’m sure I could have written about my struggles & found that I’m not alone, but for some reason I turned inward and refused to give a voice or any recognition to my struggles. I couldn’t figure out why I was so discontent & constantly snapping at my wonderful husband (& no, I am not suffering from post-partum depression!).

A few weeks ago, though, God finally got through to me & I realized that my attitude and struggles had NOTHING to do with my job, my baby, my husband, or my new house but had EVERYTHING to do with my waning relationship with God!

In all my busyness, I had been neglecting Him. Go figure, He’s the most important key to it all!!

Did I really think that I could handle EVERYTHING by myself? And then, when everything started overwhelming me, continue trying to do it myself? What a fouled up plan! I felt like I was failing as a wife, a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and every other role I possess.

Several years ago, Jason & I had the youth group kids memorize this verse:

“I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.” John 15:5 (NASB)

Did you catch that? Apart from Jesus, we can do NOTHING. Want to be a great wife? Plug into Jesus. Want to be a great mom? Plug into Jesus! Want to succeed at whatever you do? You won’t, unless you’re connected to Jesus!

If you’re reading this blog, I know it’s because you want to be a great wife and have a great marriage. Perhaps you’ve found yourself struggling to please your husband, to be the “perfect” wife, to have a great attitude, to be respectful & encouraging… Well, the struggle can be over! There’s only one relationship you need to work on, and that’s your relationship with Christ.

Reconnect & kindle the flame with HIM… & everything else will fall into place. Suddenly you’ll find you have more patience, more love, a better attitude, and a brighter disposition! Trust me, I’ve learned from experience, apart from a daily walk with Jesus, you can’t do this on your own!

Not a novel concept, but sometimes we need reminding.

So, ladies (& the few men that read this!), I hope you’ll forgive me for not sharing with you these past months. My heart and passion - both for my God and my blog - are back, and I hope you’ll continue striving with me!

I’d love to hear your thoughts & catch up with what you’ve been up to these past months! Leave your comments below!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - If you’ve tried emailing me and have not gotten a response, it’s because my Outlook has been messing up & not letting me send emails. I’m going to work on that!

The Marriage Inventory

Heather Marshall — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 16:10:22 +0000

WOW, where did the summer go? I thought I’d have so much time for blogging, but… WOW! I completely missed August!

This has been a busier summer than expected, working 3 part-time jobs, trying to stay on top of menu-planning, house cleaning, baby preparation, youth ministry, friends leaving for college, and family visiting on vacation. Oh yeah - and house hunting.

I’m now 30 weeks pregnant, back to work at my full time job at a school (occasionally picking up a few extra hours of work here & there), and wating to hear back from the bank about a house we’re trying to buy (& still looking at other house options in the meantime). I wouldn’t exactly call this schedule easier, but it’s slightly more predictable than the summer schedule.

I have spent a lot of time reading this summer. I read Max Lucado’s newest book “Fearless”, as well as some parenting books and fiction books. Ted Dekker’s Circle Trilogy was just as riveting the second time around and also painted a beautiful picture of Christ’s love for us, His Bride.

Jason and I have also been working on developing the youth ministry at our church. We have a small group (8-15 teens, depending on the night), making a traditional “worship” time awkward, so we’ve taken a non-traditional approach. Instead of making the kids stand up and uncomfortably sing karaoke to the songs we play, we take one song (especially one that we sing often on a Sunday morning) and break it apart. By the time we’re done, the kids know what the song means, and can (hopefully) actually worship God through it, not just sing karaoke. Or stand there, bored.

Last Wednesday, in addition to our time of worship, we took a Spiritual Inventory of our lives. Each teen was given a survey to fill out - as honestly as they dared. Their names were included so that we can take those teens and pray for them, disciple them, and gear lessons toward them accordingly.

Well, the other day I was in a BORING meeting at work that had absolutely nothing to do with me and my position at the school, so I tuned out a bit and began to think about how we can take inventory in other areas of our life. Jason, when telling the kids why we were taking an inventory, explained it this way:

If you managed a retail store, you would have to take an inventory of your supplies. Why? To see what you need to order more of, what just isn’t selling (& see if there’s a reason), what works, and what doesn’t.

The same thing occurs in our spiritual lives - we need to take stock of what’s lacking, what’s working, what we need to do more of, what needs to change or be purged.

So, this got me thinking…. why don’t we do the same in our marriages? We can take a marital inventory to see what’s working, what isn’t, what needs to change, and what we’re doing great at.

Of course, I won’t ask you to give ME your results (unless you want to!), but I think it would be a great idea to do this inventory either with your husband or a female accountability partner or ladies group, and discuss the results candidly.

So, here it is… The Marriage Inventory: (Remember, it will only work if you’re HONEST!)

1. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), how would you rate communication in your marriage?

- Explain why you chose that number.

2. How many times per week (on average) do you have a meaningful conversation with your husband?

- Do you find that to be too much, too little, or just enough?

3. Are you satisfied with the level of meaningful communication with your husband?

4. What steps can you take to improve that level?

- On a scale of 1 - 10, how willing are you to work on those steps?

- Explain why you chose that number.

5. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), how would you rate physical intimacy in your marriage?

- Explain why you chose that number.

6. How many times per week (on average) do you have a sexual encounter with your husband?

- Do you find that to be too much, too little, or just enough?

7. Are you satisfied with the level of sexual intimacy with your husband?

8. What steps can you take to improve that level?

- On a scale of 1 - 10, how willing are you to work on those steps?

- Explain why you chose that number.

9. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), how would you rate the amount/mindset of selfless serving in your marriage?

- Explain why you chose that number.

10. How many times per week (on average) do you do intentional acts of service for your husband?

- Do you find that to be too much, too little, or just enough?

11. Are you satisfied with the level of selfless serving you give your husband?

12. What steps can you take to improve that level?

- On a scale of 1 - 10, how willing are you to work on those steps?

- Explain why you chose that number.

13. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), how would you rate respect/submission in your marriage?

- Explain why you chose that number.

14. How many times per week (on average) do you blatantly say something respectful or show your respect to your husband?

- Do you find that to be too much, too little, or just enough?

15. Are you satisfied with the level of respect you give your husband?

16. What steps can you take to improve that level?

- On a scale of 1 - 10, how willing are you to work on those steps?

- Explain why you chose that number.

If you scored yourself all 10’s & are completely satisfied with your marriage at this point…. CONGRATULATIONS - but don’t stop striving! Obviously it took work and effort to get to that point, so keep it up, and don’t let that passion die. Who says the “honeymoon” ever has to end?!

On the other hand, don’t feel discouraged if you think you’re doing everything wrong… that’s why we listed steps to our improvement! You might be at the point in your marriage where you don’t even have the desire to work on those steps, and I’m going to tell you - DON’T GIVE UP!! Start praying right now for God to change your heart give you the passion to change your marriage.

Improving our marriage takes work, effort, and discipline - but it’s worth it! You’re going to be with this man for the rest of your life… shouldn’t we strive to make it better and better?

Of course, as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this…. leave a comment below! I look forward to talking to you!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

Your Husband is Irrelevant (WHAT?!)

Heather Marshall — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 02:54:45 +0000

A little over a year ago, I started this blog…. & since then, God has shown me SOO much about what it means to be a wife after His own heart. Sometimes I felt like the best wife ever…. but so often I’ve felt inadequate and barely striving.

God is sooo not done with me yet, either! Tonight I finished a 5-week DVD series at church based on the book “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs. While there were so many amazing points that I want to share with you, tonight’s session really made me go “hmmm… wow”.

As a preface, in case you’re not sure what “Love & Respect” is all about, let me give you a brief summary. A woman’s deepest need is to be loved, and a man’s deepest need is to be respected. In fact, marriage is not about your own personal happiness, but rather meeting the deep need of your spouse - regardless of whether or not he deserves it. We are to give our husbands unconditional respect.

Perhaps another time I’ll talk about some of the specifics of what that means, but right now I want to focus on God’s purpose for our marriage.

God has called us to obey Him… & His command to us women is to respect our husbands. (See Ephesians 5:33). In our obedience to God, our husband is actually irrelevant. That’s right! He’s not even in the picture… It doesn’t matter what he does (or doesn’t do), what he says (or doesn’t say), or whether or not he is obeying… we’re to look past him & obey God. Our obedience to God will spill over onto our husbands as respect.

Crazy concept, huh?

This totally takes the focus off of our husbands’ flaws!! Now we don’t have the excuse of, “Well, my husband wasn’t being very loving to me, so I don’t have to respect him.” We’re not respecting our husbands because of any merit of their own… we’re to look past our husbands & set our eyes on Christ.

Are you upset because your husband doesn’t show you love? Take your eyes off him, and put them on Christ. Do you wish your husband would be more loving? Take your eyes off him, and put them on Christ. Does your husband seem insensitive to your needs? Take your eyes off him, and put them on Christ.

When we are focused on giving reverence to Christ, when our hearts are truly on living for God, we will automatically spill respect over onto our husbands.

Not respecting your husband? That could be a reflection of your reverence toward God. If you’re neglecting your time with God, not fixing your eyes on Him… you’ll have nothing left to spill over onto your husband.

My challenge, both for myself and for you, is to evaluate where your eyes are at. Where is your focus? Is it on God, or on your husband?

I want to throw this idea out there: Perhaps, if you find yourself facing marital difficulties, they’re being caused by a fractured relationship with God… not necessarily your husband.

Here’s the secret to a truly happy & fulfilled marriage:

“…seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)

Let’s make a commitment to seek God first… and see how our marriages change because of it!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Next week I’ll be talking about maturity & our response toward our husbands… another “oh wow” moment in tonite’s DVD. Be sure to check back!

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs

By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs, is based on the biblical passage from Ephesians 5:33 (But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands). His premise is that communication between a husband and wife is often frustrated because of the vastly different ways in which men and women perceive love. Women are wired to need unconditional love and men need to feel unconditionally respected. Revitalize the love in your marriage! A Focus on the Family Recommendation; hardcover.