The Striving Wife

The Marriage Inventory

Heather Marshall — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 16:10:22 +0000

WOW, where did the summer go? I thought I’d have so much time for blogging, but… WOW! I completely missed August!

This has been a busier summer than expected, working 3 part-time jobs, trying to stay on top of menu-planning, house cleaning, baby preparation, youth ministry, friends leaving for college, and family visiting on vacation. Oh yeah - and house hunting.

I’m now 30 weeks pregnant, back to work at my full time job at a school (occasionally picking up a few extra hours of work here & there), and wating to hear back from the bank about a house we’re trying to buy (& still looking at other house options in the meantime). I wouldn’t exactly call this schedule easier, but it’s slightly more predictable than the summer schedule.

I have spent a lot of time reading this summer. I read Max Lucado’s newest book “Fearless”, as well as some parenting books and fiction books. Ted Dekker’s Circle Trilogy was just as riveting the second time around and also painted a beautiful picture of Christ’s love for us, His Bride.

Jason and I have also been working on developing the youth ministry at our church. We have a small group (8-15 teens, depending on the night), making a traditional “worship” time awkward, so we’ve taken a non-traditional approach. Instead of making the kids stand up and uncomfortably sing karaoke to the songs we play, we take one song (especially one that we sing often on a Sunday morning) and break it apart. By the time we’re done, the kids know what the song means, and can (hopefully) actually worship God through it, not just sing karaoke. Or stand there, bored.

Last Wednesday, in addition to our time of worship, we took a Spiritual Inventory of our lives. Each teen was given a survey to fill out - as honestly as they dared. Their names were included so that we can take those teens and pray for them, disciple them, and gear lessons toward them accordingly.

Well, the other day I was in a BORING meeting at work that had absolutely nothing to do with me and my position at the school, so I tuned out a bit and began to think about how we can take inventory in other areas of our life. Jason, when telling the kids why we were taking an inventory, explained it this way:

If you managed a retail store, you would have to take an inventory of your supplies. Why? To see what you need to order more of, what just isn’t selling (& see if there’s a reason), what works, and what doesn’t.

The same thing occurs in our spiritual lives - we need to take stock of what’s lacking, what’s working, what we need to do more of, what needs to change or be purged.

So, this got me thinking…. why don’t we do the same in our marriages? We can take a marital inventory to see what’s working, what isn’t, what needs to change, and what we’re doing great at.

Of course, I won’t ask you to give ME your results (unless you want to!), but I think it would be a great idea to do this inventory either with your husband or a female accountability partner or ladies group, and discuss the results candidly.

So, here it is… The Marriage Inventory: (Remember, it will only work if you’re HONEST!)

1. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), how would you rate communication in your marriage?

- Explain why you chose that number.

2. How many times per week (on average) do you have a meaningful conversation with your husband?

- Do you find that to be too much, too little, or just enough?

3. Are you satisfied with the level of meaningful communication with your husband?

4. What steps can you take to improve that level?

- On a scale of 1 - 10, how willing are you to work on those steps?

- Explain why you chose that number.

5. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), how would you rate physical intimacy in your marriage?

- Explain why you chose that number.

6. How many times per week (on average) do you have a sexual encounter with your husband?

- Do you find that to be too much, too little, or just enough?

7. Are you satisfied with the level of sexual intimacy with your husband?

8. What steps can you take to improve that level?

- On a scale of 1 - 10, how willing are you to work on those steps?

- Explain why you chose that number.

9. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), how would you rate the amount/mindset of selfless serving in your marriage?

- Explain why you chose that number.

10. How many times per week (on average) do you do intentional acts of service for your husband?

- Do you find that to be too much, too little, or just enough?

11. Are you satisfied with the level of selfless serving you give your husband?

12. What steps can you take to improve that level?

- On a scale of 1 - 10, how willing are you to work on those steps?

- Explain why you chose that number.

13. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), how would you rate respect/submission in your marriage?

- Explain why you chose that number.

14. How many times per week (on average) do you blatantly say something respectful or show your respect to your husband?

- Do you find that to be too much, too little, or just enough?

15. Are you satisfied with the level of respect you give your husband?

16. What steps can you take to improve that level?

- On a scale of 1 - 10, how willing are you to work on those steps?

- Explain why you chose that number.

If you scored yourself all 10’s & are completely satisfied with your marriage at this point…. CONGRATULATIONS - but don’t stop striving! Obviously it took work and effort to get to that point, so keep it up, and don’t let that passion die. Who says the “honeymoon” ever has to end?!

On the other hand, don’t feel discouraged if you think you’re doing everything wrong… that’s why we listed steps to our improvement! You might be at the point in your marriage where you don’t even have the desire to work on those steps, and I’m going to tell you - DON’T GIVE UP!! Start praying right now for God to change your heart give you the passion to change your marriage.

Improving our marriage takes work, effort, and discipline - but it’s worth it! You’re going to be with this man for the rest of your life… shouldn’t we strive to make it better and better?

Of course, as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this…. leave a comment below! I look forward to talking to you!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

Your Husband is Irrelevant (WHAT?!)

Heather Marshall — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 02:54:45 +0000

A little over a year ago, I started this blog…. & since then, God has shown me SOO much about what it means to be a wife after His own heart. Sometimes I felt like the best wife ever…. but so often I’ve felt inadequate and barely striving.

God is sooo not done with me yet, either! Tonight I finished a 5-week DVD series at church based on the book “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs. While there were so many amazing points that I want to share with you, tonight’s session really made me go “hmmm… wow”.

As a preface, in case you’re not sure what “Love & Respect” is all about, let me give you a brief summary. A woman’s deepest need is to be loved, and a man’s deepest need is to be respected. In fact, marriage is not about your own personal happiness, but rather meeting the deep need of your spouse - regardless of whether or not he deserves it. We are to give our husbands unconditional respect.

Perhaps another time I’ll talk about some of the specifics of what that means, but right now I want to focus on God’s purpose for our marriage.

God has called us to obey Him… & His command to us women is to respect our husbands. (See Ephesians 5:33). In our obedience to God, our husband is actually irrelevant. That’s right! He’s not even in the picture… It doesn’t matter what he does (or doesn’t do), what he says (or doesn’t say), or whether or not he is obeying… we’re to look past him & obey God. Our obedience to God will spill over onto our husbands as respect.

Crazy concept, huh?

This totally takes the focus off of our husbands’ flaws!! Now we don’t have the excuse of, “Well, my husband wasn’t being very loving to me, so I don’t have to respect him.” We’re not respecting our husbands because of any merit of their own… we’re to look past our husbands & set our eyes on Christ.

Are you upset because your husband doesn’t show you love? Take your eyes off him, and put them on Christ. Do you wish your husband would be more loving? Take your eyes off him, and put them on Christ. Does your husband seem insensitive to your needs? Take your eyes off him, and put them on Christ.

When we are focused on giving reverence to Christ, when our hearts are truly on living for God, we will automatically spill respect over onto our husbands.

Not respecting your husband? That could be a reflection of your reverence toward God. If you’re neglecting your time with God, not fixing your eyes on Him… you’ll have nothing left to spill over onto your husband.

My challenge, both for myself and for you, is to evaluate where your eyes are at. Where is your focus? Is it on God, or on your husband?

I want to throw this idea out there: Perhaps, if you find yourself facing marital difficulties, they’re being caused by a fractured relationship with God… not necessarily your husband.

Here’s the secret to a truly happy & fulfilled marriage:

“…seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)

Let’s make a commitment to seek God first… and see how our marriages change because of it!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Next week I’ll be talking about maturity & our response toward our husbands… another “oh wow” moment in tonite’s DVD. Be sure to check back!

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs

By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs, is based on the biblical passage from Ephesians 5:33 (But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands). His premise is that communication between a husband and wife is often frustrated because of the vastly different ways in which men and women perceive love. Women are wired to need unconditional love and men need to feel unconditionally respected. Revitalize the love in your marriage! A Focus on the Family Recommendation; hardcover.

My First “Real” Menu Planning Monday!

Heather Marshall — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:26:23 +0000

In an effort to stay organized and productive throughout my days, I’ve decided to adopt another good plan in addition to my daily timesheets:

Menu Planning!!!

I’m the type that usually starts thinking about dinner around 4 or 5 p.m., shortly before my husband is due home. Not good when I realize that there is NOTHING in the house to eat! The other day I lucked out because I still had some frozen turkey burgers in the freezer… and since it’s summer, the little market down the corner from me had some corn on the cob & watermelon in stock. Disaster averted.

However, I’m literally down to NOTHING LEFT in my cupboards & fridge that could make a meal worth eating… so I have to grocery shop. Not one of my favorite things to do.

However, I’ve been hearing it for months now (and I’ve half-heartedly tried it on occasion) that menu-planning is the way to go.

Why? Because then grocery shopping has a purpose (all the ingredients can be bought ahead of time) and you’re never left scrounging for some last-minute ideas!

There’s actually TONS of other women out there who swear by menu planning… in fact, there’s even a day dedicated to it, started by Laura over at OrgJunkie.com:

Menu Planning Monday

In my effort to join their ranks, I pulled out my recipe box (which was within easy reach, thanks to last week’s organizational skills!) and found some great meals to make for this week!

This is what I’m planning on making:

Monday - Mediterranean Chicken & Pasta

Tuesday - Grilled Apricot Ginger Chicken Breasts w/ Corn on the Cob & Baked Potatoes

Wednesday - Chicken & Spinach Dip Pizza

Thursday - Cabo Lime Chicken w/ Rice & Steamed Broccoli

Friday - Tacos

Saturday - See below*

Sunday - Church BBQ! (Bringing Strawberry Jello Pretzel Mold for that!)

*Since Saturday is the 4th, we will probably be doing something with family before the Fireworks that night… so it will most likely be a pizza or some other kind of take-out night.

I’m pretty excited about this week’s menu… even though it’s a lot of chicken! I don’t eat pork or beef, so it slightly limits our options… but all of these recipes are so different from each other, it will hardly seem like we’re eating chicken every night.

Another reason why I’m excited: With the exception of Friday’s tacos & Sunday’s dessert…. all of these are NEW recipes. I know, I’m crazy to put them all in the same week…. but I LOVE new recipes! (By the way, if you happen to have any good recipes, feel free to share them via a comment! Some of the BEST recipes I have now are from friends!)

I’ll let you know how they go… & I may even email out my favorite of them all (be sure to sign up with your email address to receive updates!)

Well, it’s off to ShopRite now… hoping I’ll get some great deals in the process!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Have you had any success with menu planning? Found any flaws or reasons why it DOESN’T work for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Tried & True Keys to Being Productive

Heather Marshall — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 00:26:37 +0000

I have discovered the keys to being productive! Really!! It works!!

Okay, so by now you may have heard me say (many times) that I am not the neatest of people… clutter is something I hate, but for some reason seem to put up with all the time. I’m not self-motivated to clean, and I get overwhelmed with mess VERY easily. Oh, and I’m also easily distracted (Facebook & Twitter are major culprits!).

So, when the school year ended last week, I knew I was in trouble: All day long, at home, with everything to do but nothing was actually getting done. I’d half-heartedly move some clutter from one pile to another, putter around trying to find places for things, and end up with an even bigger mess than I started with. Frustrated, I’d sit on the computer and update my Twitter status for the umpteenth time, check out my friends on Facebook, and search the Babies R Us website, looking for cool things to get for the baby.

Needless to say, when my hubby would come home at the end of his full day of work (and still have his at-home business to take care of), he would NOT be too happy with the state of the house. He wouldn’t always say much, but by the look on his face, I knew.

For the last week, I felt less like a striving wife, and more like a failure…. but I couldn’t articulate how I was feeling to my husband without getting defensive and us fighting.

Last night, before youth group, Jason and I went out for pizza & broached the subject of the state of our house once again. For once, I was able to listen and be open to suggestions without crying (too much) or shutting down.

Here are the keys to my being productive that we came up with (& that I implemented today):

Make a timeline of what needs to be done, and when. A list itself won’t suffice (I’ve tried that already)… I needed an actual timeline, telling me what I was going to do at particular times throughout the day.
Be realistic! Schedule in breaks, as well as “make-up” times, in case something you were working on runs late. Don’t schedule 1/2 hour for a job that typically takes you much longer… you’ll be setting yourself up for failure! Better to schedule EXTRA time than too little time!
Wake up on time, and stick to the schedule! For instance, today my day started with 9:00 a.m. breakfast, a 9:30 walk, and a 10:00 a.m. shower. My actual “work” time didn’t begin until 10:30… but I felt energized and rested as I began!
Play upbeat music to keep you moving through your housework! I tend to get distracted, bored, and discouraged very quickly when the house is silent. Today I jammed to Hillsong United’s new album, as well as some Steven Curtis Chapman.
To tackle clutter quickly & easily, walk around with a box or a basket, & put those things that don’t belong in the box. Your house will be decluttered VERY quickly… and soon all you’ll have left will be a box to go through! I was able to get through the piles on my kitchen table very quickly… those items without a “home” now have a temporary home - a box, not my table! All that’s left on the table now is a pot of pretty flowers, my list, and my laptop. A-ma-zing! (Just be sure to schedule time to go through that box! Don’t let it overflow with stuff, or that too will get overwhelming!)
Get rid of all distractions - until your breaks! Close the laptop, turn off the PC monitor, or log out of Twitter, Facebook, Skype, & any other program that might distract you from your scheduled job. Did you schedule in blog or book writing? Get rid of all other distractions that might pop up on your computer. Only allow those during your scheduled breaks. Resist the urge to check your Twitter, email, or Facebook during your work times. You’ll get a LOT more done if you remove the option! (I close my laptop while I’m cleaning so I don’t hop back on for a peek at Twitter!)
Reward yourself for a job well done at the end of the day…. give yourself free time before your hubby gets home from work to read a book, or plan a nice dinner or date night in with the husband. He’ll appreciate the attention in a nice clean house.

Looking around, I feel like my day was actually productive… for the first time since school let out a week ago! Of course I’m not finished, but I have made some MAJOR headway! It’s amazing what a few organized hours in the day can do!

Alright, my break time is over! I’m off to finish up a few little things, then get ready for my reward: A girls’ night out with some great friends!

If you’re like me & not naturally organized, give these methods a try… you may surprise yourself with all you get done! (And of course, I’d love to hear your own success stories with this!)

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - I know having kids around can throw a monkey wrench into the whole timeline idea… anyone have any good pointers or strategies for maintaining a schedule with kids underfoot?

A Vow to Cherish

Heather Marshall — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 21:43:15 +0000

Vow, n. A solemn promise made to God; an act by which one consecrates or devotes himself, absolutely or conditionally, wholly or in part, for a longer or shorter time, to some act, service, or condition. (Dictionary.com)

Tomorrow is my 3 year wedding anniversary. Wow… How fast time has flown by, yet…. it seems like we’ve been married for forever! I think that that’s a good sign, though.

June 10, 2006

Three years ago, as I prepared for the wedding, I thought it would be neat if Jason and I wrote our own vows. I’m not a huge fan of all things traditional (hence the non-traditional look to the wedding party’s attire!), wedding vows included.

Unfortunately, Jason didn’t seem as enamored with that idea, so I set off in search of the “perfect” wedding vows for both of us: Non-traditional, meaningful, and powerful. By piecing several examples of vows together, I came up with vows that I loved (he liked ‘em too). Here are my vows to him:

Jason, I love you,

& I know that this love is from God.

It is my prayer and desire that you will find in me

the helpmeet God designed especially for you,

to ever strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage you.

I promise to live first unto God and then unto you,

loving you,

honoring you,

caring for you,

and ever seeking to please you.

Therefore, throughout life, no matter what may lie ahead of us, whether sickness or health, poverty or prosperity, in good times and in bad, I pledge to you my life as a

Submissive & Faithful Wife.

So, now that they’re hanging on my wall, sandwiched between enlarged wedding photos in beautiful frames…. I wonder, “Am I still keeping my vows?” Sure, I know I’ve been faithful… but what about the other things?

Am I being a true helpmeet? Do I strengthen, help, comfort, and encourage him? Or do I criticize, tear down, hinder, and badger him? Am I lazy, or do I truly work to help him?

Do I put God first, and Jason second? Or do I put myself first, even before God? Unfortunately, I think my selfishness often puts me before everyone else… My prayer is that even with a baby on the way, though, I will continue to keep my priorities straight: God, then husband, then children.

Do I love my husband? I mean really love him - God’s way. 1 Corinthians 13 gives us God’s definition and God’s standard of love. It’s patient, kind, selfless. It’s not envious, not rude, not easily angered, and doesn’t hold a grudge. Love always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. Do I truly love my husband? I know that there are areas in there that I certainly need to work on!

Do I honor and submit to my husband? If I look at the definition of the word “honor,” can I say that I’m keeping up that end of my vows?

Honor, v. To regard or treat with honor, esteem, or respect; to revere; to treat with deference and submission. (Dictionary.com)

Do I care for my husband and seek to please him? Do I see that his needs are met… as well as his desires? Do I truly value his opinion and do things for him because they would please him? (That’s love by the way, not subservience… just in case people “accuse” me of being stuck in a 1950’s mindset… not that it would be the first time!)

What was I thinking writing these vows?! LOL!! I know that God directed me to write them this way to hold me accountable for years to come. After all, this marriage vow is for LIFE. I’m going to take the above definition of a vow, and put it into marriage terms:

Vow, n. A solemn promise made to God; an act by which one consecrates or devotes herself, absolutely and wholly, for a lifetime, to one man in marriage. (Dictionary.com & TheStrivingWife.com)

A vow is not something to take lightly or to throw out on a whim. It’s the reason why I spent hours writing mine a little over three years ago! These vows were spoken before God… and I will strive every day to keep these vows!!

How about you? What did YOUR vows say? Most likely they had similar aspects to mine… so feel free to ask yourself these same questions to evaluate your own marriage:

Am I being a true helpmeet?
Do I put God first, and my husband second?
Do I love my husband, God’s way?
Do I honor and submit to my husband?
Do I care for my husband and seek to please him?
Am I keeping my vows to my husband?

Let each anniversary that passes be a reminder to you to evaluate your marriage, change what needs to be changed, and grow closer to both your wonderful husband and your wonderful Savior.

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - If you’re engaged (or even single) and want to use my vows in YOUR wedding, let me know! Leave a comment or send me an email (heather @ thestrivingwife .com) and I’ll be sure to send you the groom’s version, too, which is really cool.

“Love & Respect” - The Winner!!

Heather Marshall — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 01:57:22 +0000

Hmm, as I began to write the title for this post, I thought, “Wow, that’s got a double meaning! I’m announcing the winner of the book “Love & Respect“… but I’m also going to tell everyone who the winner is if they PRACTICE love & respect in their marriage!!”

So first…. let’s talk about the book giveaway. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who participated…. I had fun, and hope you all did too! I’d love to hear your thoughts: Would you want me to do MORE of these types of giveaways?!

Okay, so… just to prove to you my methods in choosing a winner, I photographed the whole process (except the cutting & folding of all the little papers with the names/email addresses on them).

All my little name pieces :)

I put them in a box....

...Shook up the box....

...Closed my eyes...

...And picked a name!!!

So… without further ado… the winner is………………..

Stacey Aspenberg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stacey happens to be a good friend of mine, also pregnant (with her third though!), and due 1 month after me. :) Congratulations Stacey!!!

Some of the other people hoping to win happened to be Stacey’s sisters-in-law, so…. make sure you share when you’re done, and it will be like all of you won!

Alright, so my purpose in this post is not just to announce Stacey’s big win… but to talk about RESPECT… because wow, it’s such an issue in our marriages!

Why is it so hard? Well… let’s look at what some of you said in the last post!

Submitting to our husbands makes it sound like we are a push-over, we cant stand up for ourselves, or we have low self esteem. ~Grace (referring to what our culture says)

I find it the hardest to respect my husband when he doesn’t respect me. ~Carolsue

I find it hard to respect my husband regarding spiritual guidance. He fell away from the Lord for many years in his life, thus I find that I second guess his spiritual wisdom — a huge mistake considering he is supposed to be the leader (spiritual and otherwise) of our household. ~Marita

The most difficult time is when I think he’s angry over something silly. In the past, I have pointed out how silly it was and worsened matters. ~Donella

Most of us found it difficult to respect our husbands when they aren’t deserving of our respect… whether it’s because they’ve done something we don’t like, they’re not as strong spiritually as we’d want, or we simply don’t agree with what they’re saying.

Remember what we said in the last post, though…. we respect our husbands because God commands it, not because they’ve earned it or deserve it. We respect out of obedience to God.

Having trouble respecting? Here are some ways you can show respect to your husband:

You can start by treating him like a V.I.P!

Respect him VERBALLY, INTELLECTUALLY, & PHYSICALLY.

Here’s what I mean:

VERBALLY:

Cut out complaining!
Pay him LOTS of compliments.
Be careful HOW you say things, as well as the actual words you say. (Beware of sarcasm!)

Having trouble finding compliments to give your hubby? Try to find ways to compliment his physical traits, mental skills, financial strengths, spiritual growth, or healthy relationships with others (like children, parents, or friends).

INTELLECTUALLY:

Ask for his help solving problems
Ask for spiritual advice (like help explaining a passage) or for prayer.
Be humble!
Never overrule him or argue with him in front of children - or other people, for that matter! Keep any & all arguments private!
Assume your husband knows best… say “yes” unless there’s a strong reason to ask “why”.
Have a difference of opinion? Don’t nag, cry, or complain. Instead, present facts supporting your opinion; if that does not sway him, honor his final decision. (Let him carry the responsibility of your family; your responsibility is to respect your husband!)

PHYSICALLY:

Ask what he would like you to do… then do it! (Whether it’s sex or chores around the house… he’ll feel respected when those needs are met)
Be aware of your body language! Eye rolling, crossing arms, smirking, slamming doors, and “huffy breaths” are all signs of disrespect.

I hope you are able to come away with a bit of a game plan for respecting your husband! Remember, if you wait until you feel like your husband deserves your respect, you may be living in disobedience for a long time!

Instead of waiting for him to earn your respect, behave respectfully an watch him grow into the man God designed him to be. ~Nancy Anderson

You’re not going to be able to do this on your own… Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you walk in obedience to His word!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

For some additional resources on respecting your husband, be sure to visit the following sites:

“Know Your Role” - An article from my friend Kristin Dennis’ blog

Love and Respect Reflects - The blog of Emerson Eggerichs, author of “Love & Respect”, & his wife.

“My Husband is a Mysterious Island” - Emerson Eggerichs’ blog article regarding respecting your husband (Some of my content came from here!)

“The Cure for the Common Cold War” - An article by “The Surrendered Wife” author Laura Doyle

The Relationship Quiz - How respectful are YOU? Take the quiz!! (Also from Laura Doyle)

“RESPECT Your Husband” - Article by Nancy Anderson (Much of my content - including the V.I.P. idea, comes from here!)

As usual, I’d love to hear your thoughts…….. and whether or not this was helpful to you!!!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Disappointed you didn’t win? Order the book for yourself through the link below!

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs

By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the revolutionary message of biblical respect from Ephesians 5:33 that has revived and energized marriages across the country. A Focus on the Family recommendation. Hardcover.

“Love & Respect” - The Giveaway!

Heather Marshall — Tue, 26 May 2009 18:18:32 +0000

This weekend, I was given the opportunity to share with a group of ladies at a “20-Something” retreat. I chose to talk to them about an area in marriage that is often lacking: RESPECT!

Ephesians 5:33 commands that a wife respect her husband. Unfortunately, there is no condition on that command. We are to respect our husband regardless of whether or not he deserves it, regardless of whether or not he shows us love or respect, regardless of whether or not your own needs are met.

Douglas Wilson makes an interesting comment on this topic. He says,

“Respect is to be rendered to husbands because God has required it, and not because any husband has earned it. It is good to remember that God requires wives to render more than their husbands deserve.”

In fact, in 1 Peter 3:1, Peter predicts that many wives will not be married to men “deserving” of our respect - men who are disobedient to God’s word. However, it’s our respect that can change their hearts!

Next week, I will talk more about this topic… and what we can do to ensure that we are showing respect to our husbands, out of our obedience to God. To get ready for next week’s topic, I’ve decided to give away the book entitled “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs.

THE GIVEAWAY:

1 Copy of the book ”Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs.

End date: Monday, June 1, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. EST.

Maximum number of entries per person: 4

How the winner will be chosen: I will print out the names on each comment, cut them apart, mix them up in a hat, and draw a name! (Old-fashioned picking is waaay more fun than random number generators! :))

Here’s how to enter (Be sure to leave a separate comment for EACH item you complete):

Leave a comment pertaining to the idea of, need for, or lack of RESPECT in marriage, particularly the Bible’s command for the wife to respect her husband. When do you find it most difficult to show respect toward your husband?
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This is a bonus entry for the girls who were at the retreat this weekend… as promised, you get an extra entry just for being there live! Leave a comment & let me know you were there… and what your biggest take-away was!

This contest will run until Monday, June 1 at 11:59 p.m. EST. The winner will be notified on Tuesday, June 2nd. Unfortunately for my Canadian friends, due to shipping costs this contest can only be open to residents of the continental United States.

Make sure to leave a valid email address in the comment form so that I have a way to notify you if you’re the winner! Thanks for participating… this is the first giveaway of hopefully many more to come!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Don’t forget to come back next week to find out more about respecting our husbands…. and to get some great resources to use!!

Lessons From a Baby Turtle

Heather Marshall — Mon, 11 May 2009 20:46:26 +0000

This weekend, Jason & I took a nice long walk/jog along the road that leads from our island (Ocean City) to the next island (containing the towns of Strathmere & Sea Isle). Jason works in Strathmere in the summertime and wanted to check out the beach situation, since storms tend to wash part of it away in the wintertime. It’s about 2 1/2 miles from our house, so we drove part of the way, leaving about 3 or so miles for us to go on foot.

The afternoon was beautiful and sunny, although a bit windy. The marshland to the right of us stretched on for miles, and the bay to the left of us soon opened up into the wide ocean. It was gorgeous (I love living here!).

As we were heading back towards our car (still about a mile away), something on the side of the road caught my eye. It looked like a shiny pebble at first… but on closer inspection it was a BABY TURTLE!!

Seriously, this turtle was the CUTEST thing I have ever seen! About an inch long, it was soo tiny yet so spunky, as you’ll soon see….

Our running past it must have startled it, because he was scrunched up in his shell, but his little eyes were darting back and forth, perhaps wondering when it would be safe to pop back out. We backed off & watched it, wondering if it was headed back to the bay, or across the scary road to the marshland beyond. After a few moments, the baby turtle emerged from its shell & TOOK OFF for the middle of the road!

Now, let me explain something… while this road is not a highway, the cars do drive rather quickly, and a turtle of this size would never be seen by a car! This little turtle was bravely heading where he knew he needed to be… unbeknownst to any danger though. :( It made me so sad to think of how many baby turtles must die while making a trek like this!

So, we decided to save the little fella. Jason picked him up, and we carried him to his destination: the other side of the road. He still had a lot of ground to cover, but at least he’d be safe from cars! We watched for a bit because it was quite amusing and he was sooooo stinkin’ cute! He got stuck in a little patch of grass at one point, which was really cute, too (we helped him through it), then he had to face a mountain to climb (really a steep dirt incline about 6 inches high).

This tiny little turtle stretched its little neck waaaay out and strained with every fiber of its being… but made it over this hill! After that, I knew he’d be okay. This cute little turtle sure had a lot of spunk and definite perseverence… and I found it teaching me a lesson!

This turtle had a goal, and it would face any and every hardship and obstacle that got in its way. Sure, at times it would hide in its shell, but it was always on the alert, checking for danger & moving forward when the coast was clear. When the going got tough, he didn’t give up or turn back… he kept pressing forward, straining ahead because he knew something better awaited him on the other side.

I hope I can say the same for my own life! I know I have a goal (aside from Heaven), and that is to be more like Christ. Hardships and obstacles will often try to stand in the way of that relationship and squash my faith or ruin my marriage… but these are things that must be faced! Sure it’s easy to hide my “shell”, tuning out those who want to get close… but that’s not what God wants us to do! We must be on the alert, pray without ceasing, and persevere towards our goal. When the going gets tough - when our marriage seems like its failing, our kids are disobedient, or a diagnosis of a serious illness comes in - we’re not to give up our faith or turn our backs on our relationship with Christ. Those are the times to keep going! Strive for that heart like God’s, because it brings more reward than anything we can possibly hope for!

God doesn’t promise us an easy life, an easy marriage, perfect kids, or financial bliss. In fact, he tells us that in this world we WILL face trouble! But we need to be at peace, knowing that God is in control. We can face ANYTHING with Him as our guide!

God bless you, and I hope you enjoyed my learning experience this weekend. I’ll keep my eyes out for more turtles…. and my ears out for more that God wants say to me! I hope you’ll do the same - and I’d love for you to share those moments where God teaches you something profound out of something simple that has occured.

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Tonite at 8 p.m. EST Jason & I are going to be doing an online, LIVE video devotional at http://NOfearYEAR.com… come check it out!

Stop, Drop, & Roll!

Heather Marshall — Sat, 02 May 2009 16:32:50 +0000

Stop, Drop, & Roll…. you probably learned this as a young child, just in case your clothing ever caught on fire. To put out the fire, your teachers had you practice these three things:

Stop what you are doing.

Drop to the ground.

Roll until the fire is out.

Now, I’ve never had to use this method in a real fire (thank God!) but I recently learned how to apply this concept to MARRIAGE! Just like we talked about with our Complaint-Free Week Challenge, it’s often hard to tame our tongues…. but it is sooo important we do that for the sake of our marriage!

All men thrive on respect… & when we cut them down with our tongues, whether through complaining, sarcasm, nagging, angry words, etc… it belittles them and shows them great DISrespect. Not a great way to strive for a holy marriage!

So, I’m borrowing my content from Stacy Miller of Shore Fellowship Church in Egg Harbor Township, NJ, who taught this at She Speaks ‘09 Women’s Conference this weekend. This is a portion of what she talked about, but it really got the wheels in my head turning!

She turned the Stop, Drop, & Roll concept into a positive habit we can form when we are ready to open our mouth with something negative to say to our husbands (or children, co-workers, parents, etc).

So here’s what to do:

Stop talking - don’t say what you were about to say!

Drop to your knees and pray.

Roll with the positives - say something encouraging instead!

This is how you put out the fires in your marriage that can leave one or both of you burned. Don’t say the negative things that come to mind… focus on the positive!

If you need some help on that end (because it CAN be very difficult at times), here are some resources you may want to check out:

The 30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge

The Complaint-Free Week

Book: The Husband Project (21 Days of Loving Your Man)

Book: The Love Dare (From the movie Fireproof - a 40 day challenge)

I hope this concept is helpful to you… let me know how you did (or if you are going to take one of these other challenges… I’d love to be able to pray for you during the duration of it!)

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - Notice I kind of missed a week posting? I was in Disney with my husband, sister, & brother-in-law! It was a great weekend, but man oh man it left me exhausted - and with no time to post anything! Glad to be back home & on schedule.

Chris, Sue, Heather, & Jason in the Magic Kingdom!

Your Challenge: A Complaint-Free Week!

Heather Marshall — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 18:23:01 +0000

Are you up for a good challenge? Depending on your personality, or even what’s going on in your life at the time, this challenge may or may not be EXTREMELY difficult!

Your challenge is, for a WHOLE WEEK, to not complain. No complaining about your husband, your kids, your co-workers, your boss. No complaining about your messy house, dirty dishes, never-ending laundry, or shoes that are left in the middle of the floor for you to trip on. No complaining about your job, workload, lack of extra money, or need for a vacation. No complaining about headaches, vomiting children, tiredness, or your desire for sanity in the midst of chaos.

For one whole week, no complaining allowed! At all! No excuses!

So, what’s the catch? Why are we doing this? Well, I got inspired by Sheila Gregoire’s blog post & challenge to other women to participate in the Complaint Free Week.

I began to think about how negative I can be (and I know I’m not alone, right ladies?). It’s so easy to complain about just about everything! I complain when I’m hungry (which is ALL the time now that I’m trying to eat for two!), when I have a headache (it’s allergy season!), when I’m tired (again, ALL the time thanks to baby), when I have to do the laundry, or when I have to do anything I don’t feel like doing at the moment.

I’m sure my husband would rather hear me say pleasant and uplifting things rather than negative and pessimistic things all the time. For the sake of our husbands, to be a better example to our children and co-workers… let’s give up complaining this week!

Wondering what to do instead? Well… let’s look at what the Bible says we should do! Philippians 4:8 says…

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Let’s take it a step further, and not just THINK about such things… but let’s SPEAK such things!

Another word of wisdom from the Bible can be found in Ephesians 4:29…

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Are you ready to take the challenge? Are you ready to speak only words that will build up & edify rather than words of complaint? Leave a comment & let me know that I won’t be alone this week!

Keep on Striving,

Heather

PS - I know that this challenge can (& will) be difficult… but it will be so worth it! Meditate on & memorize these verses so that when you feel the urge to complain, you have Scripture to recite instead.

PPS - This challenge is running from Sunday April 19 to next Saturday April 25, according to Sheila’s blog. HOWEVER… if you don’t read this until midweek or next week or next year, don’t feel like you’ve “missed it.” Just start NOW, & for 1 week commit to not complaining.

Make sure to let me know how you did!!!!!!!!!!!