Heather Marshall on February 21st, 2009

Wondering what this whole “Love Language” thing is all about? Well, in a nutshell, it’s how you show and receive love.

For you, it may be acts of service that you do, words of affirmation that you say, quality time that you spend, gifts that you give or receive, or the physical touches that pass between you and others.

Sometimes figuring out what Love Language you speak may be difficult to figure out. You may even think that you speak ALL of these Love Languages!! Most people do have only one main Love Language, although some are split between two.

If you’re not sure what your Love Language is, here are some questions to ask yourself:

  1. What makes me feel MOST LOVED by my husband?
  2. What do I desire above all else in my marriage?
  3. What have I most often requested of my husband? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.
  4. What does my husband do or say (or fail to do or say) that hurts me the most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you the most is probably your Love Language.
  5. In what way do I regularly express love to my husband? Your way of expressing love may indicate that that’s the way you would also feel loved.

Answering these questions will probably determine your Love Language rather quickly. I know for me, I realized (after thinking about it for a few minutes), that I most often request Quality Time from my husband…. time spent doing things like playing board games or Wii, watching movies, talking in bed, reading together… all Quality Time activities!  It’s what I valued & desired most from my husband, and what makes me feel most loved by him.

Fortunately for me, my husband is insanely amazing, and loves spending time with me (even before he knew that was my Love Language!), so #4 has never been an issue.  But perhaps you’ve been hurt or feel unloved by your husband’s lack of physical affection. That could be an indication that your Love Language is Physical Touch! Or, perhaps you’re hurt and resentful that he forgot to buy you a gift for your anniversary… even if you went out for dinner spent a nice evening together.  Receiving Gifts might be your Love Language.

By the way, if you’re trying to figure out your husband’s Love Language… ask questions 3-5 from his point of view… it may give you some insight into his language of love! For example, what does he request of you? If it’s for you to do the laundry or run errands for him… it might be Acts of Service. If he’s been deeply hurt by your negative words, perhaps his language is Words of Affirmation.  How does he express love to you? If he’s constantly pinching your butt, hugging, or initiating sex with you, perhaps his language is Physical Touch.

These questions are GREAT conversation starters for figuring out the Love Language of both you and your husband! It can help you to understand each other better, heal past hurts, and learn how to be more expressive in the RIGHT Love Language.

It definitely helped Jason and me to love each other on purpose… Knowing what my Love Language is helps him to plan for anniversaries and days off… Knowing his Love Language helps me to determine how to respond when he’s feeling down (he wants a hug, NOT words of affirmation or for me to help fix the problem… what a difference it makes!)

If you still need more help to determine your Love Language, look for the next blog post, which will be the Love Language Quiz!!

I’d love to hear if these questions helped you…  leave a comment below!

Keep on Striving,

Heather :)

PS - If you haven’t read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, I highly recommend you pick up a copy for yourself! There’s even a chapter relating these Love Languages to understanding your children! Click on the link below to purchase your own copy:

73156: The Five Love Languages The Five Love Languages

By Gary Chapman

We each convey and receive love in different ways. Dr.Chapman identifies these as the five languages of love. Discover what these languages are, determine your and your spouse’s languages, and then put it into action. Keep your spouse’s emotional love tank full by successfully expressing your love as well as feeling truly loved in return. Includes study guide.

Related posts:

  1. The Opposite of Love is….
  2. The Effect of Pride on Marriage
  3. The Marriage Inventory
  4. Beatitudes of a Christian Marriage - Part 1 of 4
  5. The Gracious Wife versus The Sarcastic Wife

4 Responses to “How to tell what YOUR Love Language is:”

  1. This is very good information. I’ve followed this
    before. This would be great on christiantwitterwives.

    Blessings to you,


  2. This is awesome. I can’t wait to read the book with my husband! :) I just made a bid on ebay…I hope I win the book!! :) hehe!

  3. I love you blog and I love your “Love language Series”. What a great inspiration.

    I picked up a copy of the book for the first time about three years ago but trying to figure out Prince Charming’s Love Language and really getting all advices into my heart was kind of hard. Then about 2 months ago I found your blog and picked up my book again. I found a quiz on the internet and went through it with my Prince and finally figured out his Love Language which is Qualitiy time. My love language was cristal clear right from the beginning - Physical touch. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this book with us.

    At the moment I’m reading “Love as a Way of Life” also written by Gary Chapman. Will do a series on my blog about this book.


  1. The Love Language Quiz

Leave a Reply

You will be able to edit your comment after submitting.