Heather Marshall on June 2nd, 2009

Hmm, as I began to write the title for this post, I thought, “Wow, that’s got a double meaning! I’m announcing the winner of the book “Love & Respect“… but I’m also going to tell everyone who the winner is if they PRACTICE love & respect in their marriage!!”

So first…. let’s talk about the book giveaway.  Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who participated…. I had fun, and hope you all did too!  I’d love to hear your thoughts: Would you want me to do MORE of these types of giveaways?!

Okay, so… just to prove to you my methods in choosing a winner, I photographed the whole process (except the cutting & folding of all the little papers with the names/email addresses on them).

All my little name pieces :)

All my little name pieces :)

I put them in a box....

I put them in a box....

...Shook up the box....

...Shook up the box....

...Closed my eyes...

...Closed my eyes...

...And picked a name!!!

...And picked a name!!!

So… without further ado… the winner is………………..

Stacey Aspenberg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stacey happens to be a good friend of mine, also pregnant (with her third though!), and due 1 month after me. :)  Congratulations Stacey!!!

Some of the other people hoping to win happened to be Stacey’s sisters-in-law, so…. make sure you share when you’re done, and it will be like all of you won! :)

Alright, so my purpose in this post is not just to announce Stacey’s big win… but to talk about RESPECT… because wow, it’s such an issue in our marriages!

Why is it so hard? Well… let’s look at what some of you said in the last post!

Submitting to our husbands makes it sound like we are a push-over, we cant stand up for ourselves, or we have low self esteem. ~Grace (referring to what our culture says)

I find it the hardest to respect my husband when he doesn’t respect me. ~Carolsue

I find it hard to respect my husband regarding spiritual guidance. He fell away from the Lord for many years in his life, thus I find that I second guess his spiritual wisdom — a huge mistake considering he is supposed to be the leader (spiritual and otherwise) of our household. ~Marita

The most difficult time is when I think he’s angry over something silly. In the past, I have pointed out how silly it was and worsened matters. ~Donella

Most of us found it difficult to respect our husbands when they aren’t deserving of our respect… whether it’s because they’ve done something we don’t like, they’re not as strong spiritually as we’d want, or we simply don’t agree with what they’re saying.

Remember what we said in the last post, though….  we respect our husbands because God commands it, not because they’ve earned it or deserve it.  We respect out of obedience to God.

Having trouble respecting? Here are some ways you can show respect to your husband:

You can start by treating him like a V.I.P!


Here’s what I mean:


  • Cut out complaining!
  • Pay him LOTS of compliments.
  • Be careful HOW you say things, as well as the actual words you say. (Beware of sarcasm!)

Having trouble finding compliments to give your hubby? Try to find ways to compliment his physical traits, mental skills, financial strengths, spiritual growth, or healthy relationships with others (like children, parents, or friends).


  • Ask for his help solving problems
  • Ask for spiritual advice (like help explaining a passage) or for prayer.
  • Be humble!
  • Never overrule him or argue with him in front of children - or other people, for that matter! Keep any & all arguments private!
  • Assume your husband knows best… say “yes” unless there’s a strong reason to ask “why”.
  • Have a difference of opinion? Don’t nag, cry, or complain. Instead, present facts supporting your opinion; if that does not sway him, honor his final decision. (Let him carry the responsibility of your family; your responsibility is to respect your husband!)


  • Ask what he would like you to do… then do it! (Whether it’s sex or chores around the house… he’ll feel respected when those needs are met)
  • Be aware of your body language! Eye rolling, crossing arms, smirking, slamming doors, and “huffy breaths” are all signs of disrespect.

I hope you are able to come away with a bit of a game plan for respecting your husband!  Remember, if you wait until you feel like your husband deserves your respect, you may be living in disobedience for a long time!

Instead of waiting for him to earn your respect, behave respectfully an watch him grow into the man God designed him to be. ~Nancy Anderson

You’re not going to be able to do this on your own… Ask the Lord to strengthen you as you walk in obedience to His word!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

For some additional resources on respecting your husband, be sure to visit the following sites:

As usual, I’d love to hear your thoughts…….. and whether or not this was helpful to you!!!

Keep on Striving,

Heather :)

PS - Disappointed you didn’t win? Order the book for yourself through the link below!

451876: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs

By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

In this groundbreaking book, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs introduces the revolutionary message of biblical respect from Ephesians 5:33 that has revived and energized marriages across the country. A Focus on the Family recommendation. Hardcover.

Related posts:

  1. A Vow to Cherish
  2. The Marriage Inventory
  3. Your Husband’s Greatest Need
  4. The Opposite of Love is….
  5. Lost That Lovin’ Feeling?

7 Responses to ““Love & Respect” - The Winner!!”

  1. Wonderful congratulations to the winner…!
    LOL love your squinty picking a winner face! LOL

  2. Great giveaway! And so many great tips!!!


  3. Thanks Heather! I’m really excited to get reading on this book, last year a number of couples did the study that goes along with this book and said it was awesome!! PS this is extra sweet not only b/c its you but i dont win anything like ever! ha Thank you for all your hard work and dedication you put into your blog! You and this blog are a constant encouragement and a great reminder of so many things we have seemed to put aside or just forgot about! Love ya and I’m praying for you guys and your baby! thanks again

    ps I’ll be sure to pass it along to susy and grace!

  4. Yea! I kinda win too!
    Love the pictures!

  5. Congrats Stacey!! Great pictures Heather!!

    I started reading Love and Respect yesturday - this is what I got from Chapter One:

    - “You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.” - Ouch, that’s me! (but probably not right at often as I think either!)

    - I have to be respectful in my behaviour towards my husband without conditions… that means ALWAYS. And we can almost go as far as to say that because of our witness to our husbands it’s even more important to be respectful when he’s not being loving. That’s HARD!!!

    - I need to choose to believe and acknowledge that when my husband isn’t being loving he isn’t doing it on purpose because he doesn’t love me. I need to remember that deep down he loves me. That’s a good point that I hope I can remember next time I feel unloved!

    So last night, after reading the first chapter of the book in the afternoon, I went home and got dinner ready and waited for Justin to come home. He was exhausted from work when he did finally get home so he wolfed down dinner and then went and laid down on the recliner to watch some TV. Because there’s only room for one on the recliner I sat on the sofa, feeling a little rejected but picked up my cross-stitching and defensively told myself I didn’t mind.

    Later Justin asked for a cuddle (but he wanted me to put my cross- stitching down because he was scared I would stab him with the needle or something!)! I was sarcastic and defensive imediately and told him not to blame me that we hadn’t been snuggling - he was the one who’d sat on the recliner! When we were in bed I explained the Crazy Cycle from Love and Respect and told him how earlier in the evening I hadn’t felt like he loved me and that’s why I had reacted in disrespect, which I was sorry for.

    It’s so hard to stop those entrenched gut reactions of defensive disrespect that come out of being hurt and feeling unloved. Even reading this blog this morning I felt a twist in my stomach as I read your suggestions for how to show respect to my husband. I’m stubbornly rejecting what God is teaching me right now so please pray that He’ll give me the break-through I need to learn submission and respect towards the husband God has gifted me with.

    Great blog as usual Heather - keep up the good work!
    Love you Marshmallow-mama! xxx

  6. Yea Stacey! And thank you Heather for this blog. Its great to be able to discuss topics like this with other christian wives (makes me feel normal! and is a great encouragement)

  7. hi heather~
    how are you doing in your pregnancy?
    im due in july and just cant wait…
    talk soon


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