Heather Marshall on January 29th, 2009

My husband and I have almost finished reading “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, and we are convinced that it is one of the greatest revelations a marriage can see.  We are beginning to see how far-reaching this idea of “Love Languages” truly can be… how you can use them to express love to not just your husband but your children & even to God.

Let me back up a bit though before I get too far ahead of myself.  You might still be wondering, “What’s a love language?” and the answer is simple.  A love language is the way you recieve & recognize love.  Gary Chapman identified 5 main love languages: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation.  Most likely one of those will resonate with you, and you will recognize that indeed, that IS your language of love!  If not, have no fear! I will be going into each one of these a little bit deeper in future posts.

For now, I’d like to share with you some of the pros (and cons!) I’ve discovered as Jason and I read through this book…

PRO:  Starting out reading the book, neither of us was completely sure what our love language was… but we’re starting to figure it out!

PRO: Reading the book together has stimulated a lot of conversation about when we feel most loved by the other, what love language we think the other person is expressing, etc.

CON: There’s a lot of “oops” moments and guilty feelings as you begin to realize you haven’t been loving the other person in his language!! Suddenly the dirty dishes in the sink no longer sent a message to Jason that his wife is forgetful, but rather that his wife doesn’t LOVE him enough to perform this act of service. (Note: My husband never said that, but it was the dreadful feeling I got once I began to realize that his love language included Acts of Service!!)

PRO: It really opened our eyes to see how our spouse ticks!  For me, Jason doing the dishes is nice, but it doesn’t exactly speak LOVE to me.  What speaks love? When he drops what he’s doing, shuts off the computer, and hangs out with me, just talking, laughing, or playing games.

PRO: We’ve had a lot of great laughs as we tried to figure out how to speak each other’s language. In fact, one night, Jason decided simply to be quint-lingual and speak all 5 languages to me at once! He got stuck on the “gift” part, but we ended up laughing about his attempt anyway.  Since I was unsure of my primary love language at the time, he figured he’d just get as much “love” in there as he could! :)

PRO: Once you BOTH recognize your love languages, you begin to recognize your husband’s display of love toward you.  You FEEL loved, because you ARE loved (now he just knows how to show it properly!).  I have also become more aware of my displays of love toward HIM, and have made it a point to incorporate his love language into the things I do.

CONS: Often, your husband’s love language goes against your “natural” ways of doing things.  Since my love language is Quality Time, I’m content to sit and “hang out,” even if the dishes are undone & the laundry is piled sky-high.  For Jason, though, he won’t feel loved by that.  I am not a “neat-freak,” unfortunately, so keeping things clean and organized difficult for me. I’d much rather be doing something (anything!) else.  But…..

PRO: By showing love in a “foreign language”, you are displaying attributes of TRUE love… SELFESS love!

I know that God wants us to love selflessly & sacrificially… and by speaking your husband’s love language simply to show him that you love him helps you to do just that!  In fact, I’m going to go right now and wash some dishes….  THAT’s how much I love my husband! :)

Keep on Striving,

Heather :)

PS - Let me know how it’s going for you in learning to speak your husband’s love language! Can you think of any other pros or cons?

PPS - In case you haven’t picked up your own copy of “The Five Love Languages” yet, feel free to click on this link below to purchase it:

73156: The Five Love Languages The Five Love Languages

By Gary Chapman

We each convey and receive love in different ways. Dr.Chapman identifies these as the five languages of love. Discover what these languages are, determine your and your spouse’s languages, and then put it into action. Keep your spouse’s emotional love tank full by successfully expressing your love as well as feeling truly loved in return. Includes study guide.

Related posts:

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  2. Why My Husband Rocks - BIG TIME!!
  3. Are You Striving To Encourage Your Husband?
  4. The Opposite of Love is….
  5. The Joy of Selfless Love

2 Responses to “The Pros (& Cons!) of Knowing Your Husband’s Love Language”

  1. I had to read this book when I was studying for my License to Preach through the Assemblies of God. I am words of affirmation and my husband is acts of service. I have the hardest time speaking his language and he has trouble speaking mine. We try though! Currently we are in the Mark Gungor “Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage” class at our church, it is awesome!

  2. It seems like you guys are learning a lot!

    It was the same for us when we read through it! We found out that we have the same love language. We were both a little surprised!

    -Ashley

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