WARNING: Some of this article was written with a bit of a temper! (Righteous anger - you’ll see!)
I came across a blog featuring a post entitled, “The Good Wife’s Guide” featuring an excerpted article from Housekeeping Monthly - May 13, 1955 (supposedly; see my note at the end of this post). I skipped ahead of what the woman had written beforehand, just to see what the Guide contained… and was impressed with how much of it Elizabeth George echoes in her book, “A Wife After God’s Own Heart.”
It wasn’t until I finished reading and scrolled back up that I realized this woman had written (in bold) “We’ve come a long way, baby!”
Here’s the original post:
- Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
- Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
- Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
- Be happy to see him.
- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
- Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
- Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
- Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
- Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
- A good wife always knows her place.
I left in the parts that she bolded for emphasis.
So, we’ve come a long way? And she’s proud of that? I thought those were pretty good pointers. Evidently, this woman (and her readers) disagree. Here’s an excerpt of the “modern” Good Wife’s guide, written by a reader of the woman’s blog. She thought she was very clever, too:
- Be sure he has good, easy to follow directions to the quality restaurants that deliver curbside. This way when he arrives home he’ll have exactly what he wants for dinner and it will be ready when he arrives and you get fed too. You can be a dear and call in the order. We know how he doesn’t like to do that.
- Prepare yourself…a good cocktail will work.
- Be a little gay (we now know this means happy) The cocktail will relax you and you’ll appear to be happy when he arrives
- Clear away clutter today this means turn the computer off and the tv on and kick stuff out of the way to make a straight path to the tv. That’s all he’ll notice.
Do I even need to continue? Doesn’t the love and respect for her husband just ooze out? Here’s a few more just to drive the point home…
- Be happy to see him.. This may take several cocktails.
- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him….more cocktails.
- Listen to him. This should be getting easy now after several cocktails.
- He’s coming home with a great dinner and if he’s late make sure he knows how to use the microwave to reheat; if he really comes home late and without dinner have your dinner delivered and eat without him (just be sure he pays for your dinner when he does get home). No need to try to understand his world of strain, you were out there all day too.
It keeps going, too… She ends her anti-husband tirade with, “The opinions of this writer…are shared by millions…I’m sure!!”
I think the women of the 1950’s understood what it means to honor their husbands. Sure, some of those things we may balk at…. but I would not say that a single one of them is out of line. Obviously, the liberated women of today think otherwise. Mmm, let me rephrase that. The so-called liberated women…
I’m sorry, but I think I’m pretty liberated. I’m more than happy to let my husband be the authority, the bread-winner, and the head of the house. I happily relinquish that headship and gladly submit… that’s liberation! It frees me up to be a WIFE!
Am I wrong? Am I crazy? Am I the only one who thinks that this list from the 1950’s is something worth striving for? Leave your comments below and let me know your thoughts!!
(Side note - this is only part 1 of my rant…. as I was researching to see if this list is indeed for real or not [Snopes.com wasn't clear; at worst, it at least shows the proper ideals from the 1950's], I came across other disturbing views of women’s roles for today. I feel like I must share them, and defend the Biblical role of women and wives… because striving wives [myself included] need to be surrounded by and reminded of God’s Truth every day! Sorry for my rant…. stay tuned for more to come!)
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
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July 29th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I have seen this same list and similar thoughts posted on other blogs. I could go into great detail about how deeply I agree with your thoughts, but let’s just keep it at this: You and I would make great neighbors!
July 29th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
NO! Your not crazy and YES the things described in the list are worth striving for!!! The highlight of my day is when Israel comes home…those are my three favorite words of the day…”Honey, I’m home!” I love to spend time with him and care for him!! Heather, I must say — we will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary and I am so blessed and thankful for the husband God has given me and I want him to know what a gift he is. I want to be the wife God desires me to be…one that honors and submits to her husband!
July 30th, 2008 at 11:39 am
If you’re crazy, you’re not alone, I’m right there with you! I have been so blessed by be obedient to the Word and treating my husband with the love, honour and respect he deserves.
Added you to my Twitter after reading your post in the Facebook group. What a great idea. Add me too please at http://twitter.com/HisFireFly
blessings,
in His service,
Karin
July 30th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Thanks ladies!
The more I think about this whole thing, the more it has me frustrated, sad, and somewhat angered at the image society and our culture have put forth as the “modern day woman”. Television sitcoms have helped to make husbands/dads look inept, foolish, and bumbling idiots instead of the men we respect and admire.
These thoughts have been keeping me up at night… but I’m glad I’m not alone in daring to be different (or old-fashioned, as some might see it!). Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, too!
Michele - your daughter Rebekah will grow up with such a wonderful example of a mom to follow! She will see the love and respect between you and Israel and know that that is the way a marriage ought to be! Awesome!
Amy & Karin - So glad to have you both here at my blog, and as Twittering friends too! Thanks so much, and I hope you keep coming back! (and send friends! lol)
Keep on striving! Your husbands will notice the difference! (Mine does!)
Heather
July 31st, 2008 at 11:18 am
Hi Heather,
Wow - What “millions” agreed with the writer?
I hate it when the press or some poll says “Everyone thinks this way” Well…I’m part of everyone and I don’t think that way!!! Why didn’t I get mentioned in that pollor press release??
OK I guess this is where I struggle the most…I grew up in a Christian home but my mother had to work and so I was raised to be independent…..I love my husband but sometimes wonder: “why can’t he do that himself?” As stated in your previous blog; I was single for 20+ years before being married(only married 9 months now). So me dropping everything when he gets home, I struggle with.
I like the “old fashion” thinking but I love my microwave and computer too!
Do I need to get rid of my independence to charish my husband?
Am I too newly married and every couple goes thru this?
Am I missing the point all together?
I will continue to keep striving as a new wife and learn.
karen
July 31st, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I hear ya, Karen!! I was 25 when I got married, and on my own for a few years… my first year was frustrating, trying to balance this idea of being the wife that I know God wants me to be, and, well… reality!!
Stay tuned for my next blog post, though, because I actually am going to be addressing a lot of what you just asked!
Keep striving, girl… you have the right heart!!
August 27th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I agree with you. One problem is that modern men are not taught to respect women. Following those guidelines, with a husband who takes you for granted, would be miserable. But, a real man understands that his wife’s role is just as important. He shows her respect, and works hard to take care of her. I believe that women should be VALUED equally, but not treated identically.
October 1st, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Okay.. I completely disagree with you guys! It’s like your worshiping your husband lol like What the %$@? that’s crazy! What happens if he lives you for another woman (happens all the time) that’s more interesting, then a stupid woman that he can walk all over. Ha it’s very funny how you guys think… but whatever its your life.
October 4th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Paula, a husband & his wife should be devoted fully to each other. I have forsaken all other women for a deep, faithful, God-honoring relationship with my wife. Jesus tells me to love my wife as He loves us. I could never match that, but I understand what He is trying to teach me. God is at the center of our marriage, and we’ve grown closer to Him through our 20 years of marriage. We fully trust each other in every way. I would be the biggest fool to throw this away for another woman…..I will NEVER be that fool.
I have prayed that God will give you a faithful, godly man someday,and you will keep God at the center of that marriage, where “two become one flesh” in His eyes.
Please don’t call these women stupid because they are striving to be the wife God wants them to be. They should be honored for defending the beauty of marriage.
May God bless you & may He open your eyes,
-Matt
October 13th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
I’m a Christian women and I respect my boyfriend very much– we do plan to wed in the future… he’s made that clear.
But we do not expect each other to bow down and kiss our feet! I respect him, his wishes, his goals, his striving for a better education, and he respects mine as well.
Honestly, I’d probably want to runaway if I was stuck in the house all day, cleaning and cooking because I was expected to. Don’t get me wrong- I LOVE to clean and cook! As well as produce paintings for the house and decorate. It makes me at ease afterward. But just as well, my boyfriend does too (aside from the art part– he wants to be a director and cinematographer.) We see eye-to-eye on subjects such as those and respect each others independence.
Personally, I’m proud to not feel dependent and like a Cinderella to my significant other! I think he likes that too.
Now, what y’all do is completely up to you and your spouse, and I respect that, but I don’t understand why you’d want to live that way.
November 8th, 2008 at 2:25 am
I agree completely with you! I have seen that list before, and seen it ripped to shreds by a group of women, who claimed I was insane and old fashioned for thinking it was worth striving for. I just found your blog tonight and I am loving it! What a woman after God’s own heart! What an incredible mother you will be! (I got married at 25 and had our first a year later. I am a stay at home mom (former teacher and youth minister) to 3yr old anna and 1 yr old Isaac.) God bless!
January 25th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Hi Heather and all!
I love this post of yours, I’ve been perusing the internet for months trying different searches for the ‘modern good wife’ of proverbs 31.
I am 24, and have been married a year; but I am struggling. I have always believed in the qualities of the old fashioned, stay at home wife and Mum, but I struggle with fitting that into a modern lifestyle. I’d love to be that women, but I just don’t have the energy. We both work, and have a mortgage to keep, like everyone else really. I work in a school, and must admit, go a bit nuts in the holidays when I’m home all the time.
I’m finding that most of the help and advice is either old-school, slightly Americanised (sorry, but it’s true) home-maker stuff, or super modern feminist!! I try to sit in the middle, as my 29 year old husband does. We both work, so we both do house stuff. But I often find myself comparing who does what, and grudging the half hour earlier I come home - as that means I walk the dogs and sort dinner.
I’m not complaining, just saying I’m trying to balance this. I’ve always thought that a lot (not all) of my modern minded female accqauintances just don’t seem to realise how much emotional damage we do to the men in our lives. I don’t think it’s fair to say that it’s ok as it’s what most men used to do to women 50 years ago!
‘The striving wife’ is a super image. That’s what I’m doing, striving to translate the beautiful women in proverbs 31 into a 21st century diva, Blessing my family in everything I do. Just very slowly, I’m afraid! (I love how we all think of the woman described as beautiful, simply because of what she does - the passage doesn’t say that!)
Well done everyone, I’d love to learn from others who think this way too, and encourage each other.
Take care,
Sarah
Bristol UK
February 26th, 2009 at 2:05 am
That’s funny I came across this thing. I actually made a video for my History of the 60s class right before I even read this. Quite funny, and almost a little ironic. Check it out on youtube.com if you’de like. Search: modern-day housewife’s vs. 60s
March 31st, 2009 at 3:00 pm
This is absolutly insane. I read the original article back in high school 10 years ago and thought I’d find it online again as a joke to my friends. I didn’t think I’d find people who actually agree with the thing.
My website link is a more accurate article on the way I personally think a “Good Wife” should be.
http://www.zimbio.com/Life+of+.....de+Revised
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:18 pm
YOU ARE ALL CRAZY!!!!!!! I want to take care of my husband but I DON’T PLAN ON BEING HIS DOOR-MAT. You are supposed to have an open and honest relationships with your husband, not one where the woman bottels up their emotions, and doesn’t speak!!!! Do you plan on having a life… at all!!! DON’T ASK YOUR HUSBAND QUESTIONS, MAKE SURE HE’S COMFORTABLE… WOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU!!! I am thinking maybe you are brain washed or being physically abused, beacause it is the only explanation I can think of. If the woman works all day then she shouldn’t have to come home and act like a slave. I feel sorry for you and you probably don’t even understand why. And news flash MILLIONS of women do think this way, the only reason you are not getting replys from them is because of the website you are on!!!
YOU ARE ALL INSANE…
June 11th, 2009 at 12:59 am
(This is in reply to my above post.) I am 16 and I mentioned that I made a video in regards to “The Good Wife’s Guide” written in Times Magazine back in the 50s.
The movie I made was MAKING FUN OF that guide. . . not encouraging it. Therefore, I am not insane. lol
June 24th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Back in the 40’s I remember my mom did not work and she did, basically, as the list has specified. In other words, she was trapped like a lab rat!
In the 50’s the same thing, but my mom got a job selling Avon. She felt independent, but still trapped. She did not drive, but when I aquired my license, I had to help her deliver the orders to each house where other wives were trapped in similar cages.
I became good friends with a girl whose mother worked, but it was in the late afternoon til midnight. Her husband would be home with the 2 girls and he did the cooking and “yes” he even washed the dishes! Now that was a real man. You do know, “A good man is hard to find”?
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:20 am
I have seen this list before and actually made a copy of it to use as a goal in what I wanted my life to be. I am not saying that I agree with every part of it, but I like the concept. I was in the corporate world for several years and felt trapped. I am now lucky enough (through my husbands hard work at 2 jobs) to be able to stay home with our 2 children and provide a wonderful loving environment for my family. I sometimes believe I was born in the wrong era. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my career, but I wanted to be home raising my family because I feel that is where I should be. Every woman is different, you need to do what is right for you but calling people names because they feel one way or another is just not a nice thing…no matter what your beliefs.
I am glad I stumbled upon this post as I am going to dig out my copy and reset my goals as I have lost track in the chaos that has found its way into my life lately. Being a good wife, and a good mother can be as stressfull as working outside the home.
July 12th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Here’s my opinion if it is worth anything. I am grateful for the women who struggled to give the future generations more rights and freedoms. But I am not grateful to those generations who have screwed it up. I look around and see the men of my generation lost. They are still little boys thanks to us women. Either by babying them too much as mothers or by emasculating them as wives/girlfriends. I have a real resentment for my gender for being whiny, pushy, selfish and catty people. I think every woman with a man in her life could read old articles like these and learn from them. You don’t have to copy them to the exact detail, but what is wrong with making the man in your life feel a little special? How does that make you unwomanly in the slightest??? Is he personally taking away all your rights and freedoms by you just giving him the tiniest bit of comfort? I think woman forget how hard men used to work for us. What they sacrificed so that we could stay home and raise our children. Now most of us don’t have a choice. I am a single mom of 2 toddlers, and because the man I was with for 4-5 years was taught to be lazy because his mom had to be miss independent, he would do nothing. He expected me to be the bread winner, the full time mother, and the full time student. I left him, but now it’s the same just without him to “Hold me back” (which in this case he really was, he was also an abuser haha.) I wanted to find some good advice on how to be a good wife today because I’m afraid I don’t know how. I thought this article was nice, and although I won’t religiously live by it, it’s a nice reminder of how you should appreciate your man. I’m sorry that a lot of girls out there don’t feel the same, but I feel really really good when I get cutesy for my guy and make the house nice and make a really good meal. That doesn’t make me feel like I’m robbed of anything. I love adoring my man and how he adores me after I show him that I love him by doing kind things. My grandma was EXACTLY as this article describes a woman from the 50’s. It makes me feel proud that somewhere in my line there was a very selfless and kind lady, and maybe someday (maybe not in the exact same way) I could be more like her, be more selfless and think of others comforts. If there were more people like that in the world, I think it would be a pretty great place.
July 12th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
How wonderful it is to see that I am growing as a wife and God’s daughter. I grew up in Southern California just when all the liberation for women ralley’s, burn your bra’s, and don’t open the door for me ideas made it big. I lived a long time under that theme and it led me to divorce and misery.
God introduced me to a wonderful man and I continued on the path I’d been taught. 10 years into our marriage almost at another divorce, I came to know Jesus. He regenerated our marriage and taught me how to love, really love my husband. We renewed our vows at church in April.
Thank you for this forum, other women need to know the truth.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:12 am
I both agree and disagree with this article.
I agree, because a wife should always be there for her husband and make him comfortable. This shows love, in my opinion, to show that you think of him.
I also disagree because women too have to be loved. They should have the right to complain to there husband if their husband complains to them. They should be treating each other like how they want to be treated.
August 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 pm
I do agree, especially if you stay home, that you should do everything possible to make the end of the day less-stressful for your partner.
I think when you stay home that IS your job, and it’s not like your husband doesn’t work hard for nothing. He works hard to put a roof over your family’s head and much, much more.
So YES, I agree that it can definately be attainable today, especially if it was in the fifties when there were less conveniences as there are now!!!
The ONLY thing I disagree with is that “his conversations are more important than yours”. I think if there is something pressing or needs to be discussed, then you should feel free to have any conversation with your husband. But of course don’t bombard him daily with your hourly stresses of every day.
I think it is great to try and provide to your partner, as they also try very hard to provide for you.
August 25th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I’ve been trying most of this out with my guy and while the kids enjoy it and things seem to be running extremely smooth it doesn’t seem that my guy could care less. He still does the same thing he’s always done, sits down and play video games once he gets home. It’s kind of frustrating. I would love some advice if any of you have it, anything that has made your homes more nice.
August 25th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Wow, I’m amazed at how much controversy this article continues to stir up!
As I reread the original article from the 1950’s, I have the same feelings toward it - some of these suggestions might seem “over the top”, but goodness, wouldn’t our husbands appreciate these gestures? After reading “The Husband Project,” “Love & Respect,” “The Five Love Languages,” “A Wife After God’s Own Heart,” & others like it, they all seem to suggest doing these same things to show our love and respect to our husbands!
Again, this is not an absolutely perfect, up-to-date version of what a wife today should look like (if so, it would include things like making sure you’re off Twitter and Facebook before your husband comes home!), and it obviously doesn’t take into account women who work outside the home… but look at the heart of this list, especially compared to the heart of the “new” list…
Would a Striving Wife need to drink cocktails in order to “appear” happy for her husband? Or would a Striving Wife make every effort to keep her husband stress-free as he enters the home after a hard day’s work?
On hot days when my husband bikes home from work, I know he appreciates when I have sliced watermelon or a cold drink waiting for him. Or when I don’t pepper him with questions or complaints the moment he walks through the door.
Take this list, not verbatim, but see how you can take and apply them to YOUR life, today. Do one a day, and it’s almost like doing “The Husband Project” or “The Love Dare.”
Keep on Striving… & keep these comments coming!!
~Heather
PS - Stephanie… it could just be that your guy needs that detox time after work! “The Husband Project” is a book that gives suggestions like that - freeing him up to be able to spend 1/2 hour or so after work with nothing to do except what HE wants to do, whether it’s sitting in front of the TV or video games, or (if you’re a lucky one) talking for a few minutes with you. It may help him de-stress… which benefits YOU later one. By not bombarding him with things to do as he walks through the door, you’re helping him to relax from his day. Don’t be disheartened, but keep on striving! Sounds like you’re doing a great job!
August 25th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Paula: In simple words; your not quite bright. I have a strong feeling most men aren’t half the man you are.
Priscilla: The Church depends on Jesus. Marriage is a blatant picture of Jesus (Man) and The Church (Woman). Dependency is important for all people, and dependency is easily synonymous with accountability. While independence can be easily defined by pride. A life of independence is a life of pride and life without accountability.
PS: Men should be held to a standard twice as high as this, so it’s no cop out on them. So that can’t even be an angle of argument.
Heather: Excellent post! Jason’s a winner, and you’re a treasure! Praise Jesus.
August 25th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Heather:
When I say all he does is video games, I mean it. From the time he gets home til I go to bed at midnight that’s all he does. I don’t bother him with anything except that dinner is done.
August 25th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Hi all, I’ve been keeping up on all the comments here for awhile now, everyone keeps looking at this list. Let’s focus on the “Word” Proverbs 31. That wife, not so modern they keep saying, is in balance.
She cares for her family, the house, the household affairs. She is also a talented and shrewed business woman. She saves and invests, owns property and this is all outside of her husbands affairs. Because of this balance, of dependence on her husband and God for the leadership, and the independance to make sound choices, it says she is praised by her husband! What’s that? Respect!
She is praised due to her behavior, deeds and fear of the Lord!
God says that we were created to be man’s help mate. Then he says we are to respect our husbands.
It’s all about balance! If our focus remains on the Lord and we do what he says, all this list will go away and we will be left with being the Proverbs 31 wife we are all striving to be.
After spending 12 years doing it all my way as a “woman liberated” and then Yes, submitting, and doing it God’s way, I am so blessed and my husband and I are more in love and I am more liberated then ever!
Praise God and his Word! Blessings to all of you!! Wendy Kay
October 2nd, 2009 at 4:45 pm
I agree with most of the stuff in the guide, but i dont think wives should just let their husbands walk all over them. If your husband comes home and is all stressed from the day i still think you should respect that he’s had a rough day, but i dnt think you should drop everything just to cater to him. I would stop to ask him about his day and maybe help him with something, and then go on with my tasks. I am not saying that you guys are crazy, or insane because that would just be rude! Im only 16 but i believe what the bible says about wives respecting their husbands (i believe everything else in there as well!!)but i dnt think that means going to the extreme! Still, there are a lot of good points though!
Melissa :]
October 7th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
The caveat here is that you need a great man to be a great wife! A stong husband will work just as hard if not harder to make sure she is happy. When both of us are working toward pleasing one another, there is not stronger relationship in the world. If you asked me during my first marriage if this was outdated, I would have been the first to say that this list is insane! However, it’s only insane if you have a weak man who will take advantage of his wife. Otherwise, it will bring you to a relationship that most people assume is fiction!
October 13th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I don’t care if people think I’m crazy but I LOVE this article. I am just happy that I’m not alone in thinking that. I can’t accomodate all of these guidelines as I’m not afforded the same stay at home opportunity since society/economy has made it hard for 1 income to provide for a family. But to the best of my abilities, I work towards achieving all of these. Thanks for this blog. It really helps to know others feel that these guidelines are something good :)The Guidelines for a Good Housewife (1950’s style) ROCKS!!!
November 11th, 2009 at 1:55 am
men want to come home to a peaceful home
a peaceful wife
a peaceful life
…otherwise we’ll stay at work
…or go hang out in the garage
it’s up to you ladies.
November 16th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
What I find interesting is that ALL of the wives and mothers that I know, myself included, who have happy marriages and families do what is outlined in that article for the most part. I am NOT a whimpy doormat of a wife, nor are my friends and family but we take care of our families and strive to make our homes a pleasant place for our husbands, children and ourselves. We just don’t think of it in those terms of submitting, etc. It all boils down to the same thing though and admit it or not gals if you have a happy marriage and a real man, he’s the head of the household. That does not mean that we are not valued or that we are not part of the household decision making process, we are. AND if you have a happy marriage your husband honors you as well and appreciates and values all you do as we appreciate and value what they do. It’s a two-way street and how we all divide up the responsibilities of the home depend upon what makes that couple happy and comfortable according to their abilities and work schedules because, yes, many of us need to work. Enjoy your role as wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter… and know that you ARE valued by your families, friends and communities because what more important job is there?
Best wishes to you all,
Annette
(married 18 years w/ 2 wonderful teenagers — goes by fast!)
November 27th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I agree with you completely. I have longed to find a significant other that behaves in a similar manner to that of a housewife from the 1950s.
December 28th, 2009 at 3:59 am
I believe in that article, and the few tricks I have consciously applied,have given me amazing results! (Never knew what makes my husband happy, was always on the wrong side, he threatened divorce a few months into our marriage, He is a crazy one sometimes) Am still striving, Heather, please pray with me, I know u will. I am from Uganda and our men are so like that, so to love Him, u have to go all the way thru that list, especially my husband, in my 1st year of marriage, it was the most painful, coz i never knew any of these things but God is steadily helping me out with articles like these and am also reading a book: Fascinating womanhood. It is a God sent book I tell u, thank u and God bless u, keep them coming, i mean the articles. I love u, thank God for u, and, u are my example out here. Funny, that same bug is infecting Uganda as well, gals and women alike are on rampage!!!!!!!!!! God help us!!!!! Amen
January 7th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
I completely agree with these guidelines! I am a working woman who has been married for almost 8 years now. I believe this is how a woman should be. I just wish I could find more reading material on it. If anyone has more suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. God Bless!
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Danielle, This comment is for you and anyone else who feels the way you do. Check out the book: Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. If you get this book you want a copy dated no later than the 70’s. After that the ideas in it get modernized and it waters down the original principles. The book is awsome and the attitudes and behaviors in it really work! It will change you and your attitudes.
It’s all about being a woman. Very scriptural as well. Hope you get one, you’ll be glad you did, and so will your husband.
Enjoy, and it’s good to be on this path with a fellow hope seeker.
God bless you as well!
wendy
February 16th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Hi ladi’s…..
I completely believe that IF a Woman so chooses to be a Happy and Submissive housewife that she has MADE A CHOICE! This day in age there are no “rules” set to force any woman into behaving in any one way (even if I truly believe it is the correct way.
I married my Husband at the age of 19. We have 4 beautiful and well educated children who have a firm belief system and are proud of who they are both the boys and girls. My husband and I decided TOGETHER that I would be a Home Maker. i have a nursing degree, so finding work was not an issue. After our 2nd child was born I attempted to return to work. I hated it! I missed my family, my home, my home made meal and yes… I even missed my neatly folded laundry and fresh smelling, pressed blouses. Roughly 2 hours into my first “Shift” back to work in over 2 years, I broke down crying, called my best friend (also a house wife) and she said the wisest thing I had ever heard from anyone aside from my folks and husband….. “Krissie, JD loves you so very much. He would NEVER force you to work. He wants you home just as much as you want to be home.” She continued with “Besides that Krissie….. Do you really want some person you barely know RAISING your children? Teaching your Girls that Work is MORE important than family and home? Teaching your sons that Money is more important than family and home? I know what you want Krissie, You are a STRONG and brilliant woman who wants your family, to be just that….. A FAMILY! GO HOME MOMMY!!!”
I immediately called my Husband. I was still crying and barely able to mutter “I miss you guys and I love you guys I wanna….” My Husband cut me off to say “I love you too darlin, and the kids love you too. We miss you and we WANT you home.”
I asked my husband if he would PLEASE call the Nursing Director at the home I was working b/c I just didn’t have the nerve to look that man in the eye and “Put down the Law”. My husband, without hesitation, said “Oh baby, Of course I will call him. Get your handbag and wait out front, I’m on my way to get you.” He called the “Boss”, then went too get our babies from daycare so they could be with him when he picked me up. It was the happiest moment of that day for me, to know JD had “handled” everything and was coming to my “rescue”. I’ll never forget JD’s wonderfulness that day (He’s ALWAYS Wonderful, but this time was particularly special to me). Although I had only been at “work” roughly 2 hours, my Dear Husband Drove me away from that horrid place, asking me “Where do I take my wonderful bride for lunch today? What’s your fancy?”
I turned to him, without missing a beat “Awe shuggar….. Can you take me by the market? I want to make home made Chicken and Noodles for you. I know it’s your favorite and I want to thank you for ’saving’ me.”
He took my hand in his and replied “It’s my job to protect and take care of you and our kiddos babe. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you guys.”
Now, I know this has been quite detailed, but I am showing that being a “good Wife” does NOT demean me, as a woman…. It actually makes me feel that much better about myself. My husband treats me wonderfully, he is an amazing provider, wonderful father and great husband. His unconditional love and support is so much more than I could have ever dreamed to have in my life. I “Gave” myself to him completely…. Not because I HAD to, but because I wanted (and still want) to do so.
I see nothing wrong with looking my best, being an amazing mother, outstanding wife, terrific housekeeper and cook. I figured “Why would I want to work, even in ‘nursing’, and by association GIVE MYSELF over to a job when I can put that energy and dedication into my family….”
My CHOOSING (With my husband’s help and support) to be a “Good Wife” has made me a better person, a better mother, a better wife, a better woman overall.
I know that in today’s society a 2 income family is considered “Normal” and even “Necessary”…. If it makes you happy, makes your family happy…. who am I to stand in your way or judge you for it…. HOWEVER, on that same note! What makes it ok for a “Career or Independent Woman” to judge US, the women behind the Men, the women who Stitch the Quilt of family. I, WE, will not judge those of you who choose to allow your freedoms and independence to be first. We will state our opinions on home and family (just as you do), we will continue to strive for our personal best and do all in our power to build stronger families. For this, you should be happy, for this you should be proud…. Look at it this way, I (WE are) raising our girls to respect men, themselves their families and homes. Raising our girls to be mothers and caretakers. Teaching them to respect your sons and take care of your sons and grandchildren well. Raising our Sons to treat your daughters with respect and love, to value your girls as women and life mates. Raising our sons to work hard to support your daughters and grandchildren and dedicate themselves to being LOYAL, kind, supportive, understanding and Strong Men.
I feel as though I am leaving a legacy behind of truly Happy Family, Honest and devoted spouses, loving and dedicated parents.
I am raising my children to respect themselves AND OTHERS, be they male, female, grown or child.
As I watch my friends’(and other people’s) marriages fail; husbands and wives carry on affairs, cheep flings and disrespect the very foundation of marriage I thank God daily (multiple times honestly) that, we… My husband and I do Not and Will Never have to suffer those pains, lies, deceit.
As I watch children at the supermarket, school, restaurants and even church disrespect their families, teachers, other parishioners…. I think How blessed my family has been to have me home, nurturing and teaching our children who they are and how to be respectful and diligent in all they do. I shed tears of joy with every compliment (and I get many) in reference to how well behaved, respectful, kind, considerate and loving (the list goes on) my children are. I think to myself “I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo thankful I have a supportive and loving husband who understands and embraces the value of a “Stay at Home Mom/Wife”.
I see not one thing wrong or “Degrading” about preparing a delicious meal for my husband and children who have had a hard and long day at work and school. I am proud to bring my husband his fav drink while our children color quietly in the front room, or play nicely with one another in the play room. I love taking Home Baked/Made foods to my Husband and his co-workers in the middle of a hot, hard day. I have even heard other husbands ask their wives “why can’t you just take some of Krissie’s advice? She makes JD so happy.” As silly (and I suppose somewhat conceited) as it may sound, it simply reinforces my already firm views and ideals.
I have a hard time believing this day in age that many “good Wives” feel like “door Mats”. I’m sure there are some women out there who feel “forced” into home making, house wivery, mothering….. However, I firmly feel that the vast majority of “Good Wives” have made a CHOICE to be so. I believe that we, our special “sisterhood” in striving for the Best us we can possibly be, provide and accomplish a sense of renewed and revised Family Unit. I believe that We are leading the way in a NEW and much NEEDED “Movement”, The movement of FAMILY, morals, devotion, happiness… the list goes on and on. I KNOW in my heart of hearts that being a “Good wife” is of absolute importance to those of us who CHOOSE to be so.
I would never attempt to set the “Feminist Movement” back any number of years. (Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not believe that feminism is the path to true happiness, but again, that is solely my personal opinion) However, I so wish that others would NOT attempt to set back the “Family Movement” either. And to me, and many of my “Sisters in Family and Home” believe that being a “Good Wife” is just the first step in creating a much stronger family unit, as such strengthening the “Family Movement”
I do not feel “Beneath” my husband, or any man for that matter. I feel revered and admired, loved and protected. I feel like a respected member of my family. It gives me great pleasure and reward to wake to a happy husband leaving for work (which, by the way, he is no office exec, no desk, no fancy cars, he drives an end dump for a local FAMILY owned company. We do have hard times, we do work hard and we do deal with sacrifices surrounding Seasonal layoff and other such issues, so no… I am no spoiled woman.) happy to go out into the world no matter how hot or cold in his drafty truck, in order to provide for us. It makes me happy that our children and I are the inspiration in his life. I am blessed to have him walk in the door every day right after work, no bars, no women, no drinking or drugging. I am happy to hand him a cold drink, a warm dinner, a fresh baked desert. It touches my heart that after a long, hard and often frustrating day he is looking forward to seeing our children and myself, he WANTS to come home and be with us. Knowing that our family is #1 to him, makes this entire life better, no matter what is going on. I love making him and our children #1 to me. It is so rewarding to know that when my husband and children look at me, they could not imagine any other woman in my place. For that I am eternally thankful and will give my ALL.
It is not beneath me to serve my family, I am not used, abused, taken advantage of, disrespected or taken for granted. I am loved and trusted and wanted.
And I love to be the “woman behind the man” so to speak…..
With my warmest regards~
Krissie
March 28th, 2010 at 4:20 pm
YESSSSS. COMPLEATLY AGREE! The Bible makes it clear SUBMIT TO YOUR OWN HUSBAND. The things mentioned in this list are great pointers, and it’s a shame that now days the man is so degreaded. No wonder why “their man” wants to come home and stare at the t.v when he has worked all day and comes home to a drunk wife, with an attitude, and no dinner. It takes a man to follow the Word lead his family, love his wife, and a wife to love, honor and respect her husband for a marriage to work. ANd just because one is not doing thier part doesnt mena your off the hook. Pray start doing what you are to do and I’m pretty sure the other will follow God willing.
April 4th, 2010 at 6:44 am
I agree. Im 23 years old, married for a year. I am so lucky to have my husband and he works so hard for our family. Most of the time he is away for work for months at a time while I care for our 4 month old boy. When he is home though It is always in a nice, pleasant, warm and loving environment. Its not that I am being submissive, we have an equal relationship - It is just that I know he works so hard for us all. I have my family and friends here while he goes away on the sea with many people he has never met every couple of months for months at a time. He also left his family overseas to come stay in my country with me
He has sacraficed so much for me and I like being able to show how grateful I am for everything he does for us.
April 5th, 2010 at 10:25 pm
I’m not 100% sure how I feel about this subject, but I do think that I can bring a fresh take on things. First off, my husband and I are not Christian. Please respect our religious views as we respect yours. And this is also where my “fresh take” is coming from. I don’t know if it possible for a woman to do everything on that list every day. But I really do agree that most of those things are wonderful things to strive for. I have always considered myself to be a “true” feminist– I want to be respected for doing the womanly, housewifey, mothering things that I do. I think that equal respect goes a long way. I think that my husband and I have a fairly equal relationship and way of life. He is serving in the Navy, so I am often home with just the kiddo for weeks or months at a time. And let me tell you, I appreciate him so much more because of those separations. I am currently a “work from home mom.” I make jewelry (my hubby loves to do this too) and sell online. Having something to do besides housework is important to me. I’m also finishing my English degree so that I can take on proofreading and editing jobs from home as well. While I appreciate my husband being the breadwinner, it makes me happy and proud to be able to contribute to the family funds in a small way.
My husband respects and appreciates me for what I do, as I do for him. I think that respect and appreciation means so much more to a relationship than anything else. Open and honest communication must also be a staple in a healthy relationship. I don’t think that the women who want to define themselves outside of their marriage is a bad thing. But I do think that both partners must be in agreement for this to work.
Like I said, we are not Christian, so I am unsure of the biblical references. But I think all of that aside, when both partners are striving to make the other happy instead of focusing on themselves goes a long way in establishing a healthy, working, loving relationship.
April 25th, 2010 at 7:50 pm
I can agree with parts of “The Good Wife” and definitely disagree with others. To me it boils down to personal ideas of respect.
My husband and I are a partnership. I would no more submit to him than I would expect him to submit to me, we are equals and we treat each other as such. I do love providing a comfortable home for both of us and our kids and I love putting a smile on his face. However, that goes both ways. He equally goes out of his way to make sure I am kept perfectly happy in every way, shape and form. He loves providing for me and the kids.
We both work outside of the home and we both share the domestic chores just as we shared the raising of our kids.
He would never expect me to suppress my emotions, needs or wants in favor of his just because he’s a man. If I’ve had a really bad day, he would want me to tell him about it as soon as he gets home. He would want to do what ever he could to make it better and if I just kept it to myself he would feel like I had no faith in him.
As he says, he has a wonder mother, when he decided to get married he wanted a partner to go through life with, not another mother to take care of him.
For us and our marriage of 29 years, it boils down to each of us are no more important than the other. Together we make up a unit that is glorious in God’s eyes and each day brings us closer to each other and closer to God. We still get giddy at the thought of coming home to each other and we still celebrate our marriage one month at a time, 29 years later. So I’d say something is working out right.
April 26th, 2010 at 12:30 am
My wife tries to do some of this and it brings me happiness. I, in turn, give her a lot of latitude and help her pursue her dreams.
Ladies, follow this. It WORKS!
May 23rd, 2010 at 8:34 am
Hello Everyone,
I came across your website and I was glad to know that there are still American women who truly want to be homemakers. I have been praying and seeking for a real godly christian wife for 27 years, but have not found one yet. I know plenty of family members and friends who have been burned emotionally and financially by women, christian and non-christian, who have lost almost everything from divorce which makes me very, very gunshy of marrying an American woman. I would appreciate any suggestions on courtship websites and places to meet real christian single women who want a marriage based on the word of God and not the ideas of the world. I am ready emtionally and financially to provide a loving and godly home for my future wife and to love her as Christ loves the church.
God Bless You
Perry
June 4th, 2010 at 12:16 pm
It is partly correct and partly incorrect. My question to you will be - have you ever been a working woman? If yes, then you will automatically be able to understand that if rules for women have changed then men have to adapt and change too. We are not in the era where one income will do it. Women have to work - so they have taken a huge chunk of man’s responsibility on their shoulders - not out of choice but out of the need to keep the lifestyle. Men need to change some of their expectations accordingly. If they think that we women will earn also, make fab meals, take care of the kids, be a soccer mother, clean, launder and still take off their shoes…….I would simply say good luck. That however does not mean that women should not be loving and respectful towards their husbands. But men need to be more understanding and loving now. Women have changed tremendously and men have not changed proportionally. Hence all these issues.
Also, most women would like to have the option of staying home and raising kids including me - although I am highly educated with Masters and working for 5 years. I am proud of being productive. I want to stay home with kids but have a business or something of my own. Be productive. Lot of these house wives just watch TV and Oprah or in the evenings American Idol - that is NOT spending time with your kids and families. Be honest to yourself.
June 4th, 2010 at 10:24 pm
I’ve been enjoying watching this conversation unfold, but I’d like to interject some thoughts real quick…
First, I appreciate all the comments, both positive AND negative. Everyone is certainly entitled to their own opinions!
Jess - Unfortunately, we don’t all have great men… but God still wants us to be great wives, regardless! & you never know, by striving to be the wife God calls us to be, it may change our husbands into GREAT husbands! (Definitely worth trying… & if he doesn’t change, at least you’re being obedient to God!)
Kelli - A loving, healthy relationship will follow these same principles regardless of whether you’re a Christian or not. It sounds like you’ve struck a great balance! I LOVE that you call yourself a “feminist” - for being a housewife and a mother!! It’s so true!
Katie - You said, “It’s not that I’m being submissive” …well, there’s nothing wrong with being submissive! So many women think it’s a bad thing, but it’s actually a GREAT thing!
Sonya - I am currently a working woman, & yes it is DEFINITELY hard and my husband is wonderful… he takes on a lot of the housework while I’m at work so that all I have to do is take care of dinner and the baby when I come home. BUT, he is also striving to cover both of our incomes himself so that I CAN stay home! I don’t think the problem is with men these days… I think the problem is trying to live a lifestyle that we can’t afford! We’ve decided, as a family, that it’s worth some sacrifices for one of us to be able to stay home with our children… so that’s what we’re working for right now!
To all the men who have left comments: THANK YOU for your input! If you’re looking for a wife like this, you’ll most likely find her in a church!
& if you HAVE a wife like this… TREASURE HER! 
Thanks again for all your input… keep it coming!!
Heather
June 4th, 2010 at 11:06 pm
I submit to my husband. That is my CHOICE and my job in life. No one can say it is not feminist.
For me, what really matters is family and God. My husband is my lord and master. I submit to my husband as he submits to God. I actually am respected more for this choice. What is IRONIC is that since my husband is sole breadwinner he works a lot. Hence, I am the one managing the house, resources and budgets. The irony is that many women see submitting as a surrender of power when in fact it gives you more responsiblities and management experience than I ever had in an outside job.
God says submit. It is NOT the easier path. It is the right path.
June 28th, 2010 at 3:34 am
There is an article from the same time period about how to be a good husband. It includes how to love her, respect her, take her opinion as something worth as much or more than yours, etc. If you read both side by side, the articles are more about loving and respecting each other and living in harmony than anything else. Just as a woman shouldn’t barrage her husband with a million things when he gets home from work, a man should not neglect to ask his wife about her day, and listen to and solve her problems. If a man was a good husband, then following these tips would be so easy.
June 29th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Wow, Aurora, I didn’t know there was a guy’s version! I’ll have to look that one up! Thanks! (And I totally agree!)
Heather
July 6th, 2010 at 10:47 pm
I think it can be noted that many people struggle with putting another’s (in his case husband) needs before their own, and furthermore expecting another (again, husband) to meet their expectations. I think this is why women get so upset with the line ‘his topics of conversation are more important than your own’. Well, in my opinion, my man’s topics are more important than mine, because I love him and care deeply for his peace of being. But men aren’t off the hook either. I believe communication is the key, they should be believing that our topics our more important than theirs and and strive to give us a peaceful home, and relationship. his way all areas are covered. It doesn’t work if one is being selfish and the other selfless, both need to support the betterment of each other, and that involves putting the other before oneself. We’ve got it easy anyway, what about when there were no washing machines, or electricity for that matter? I think a little too easy for some…
July 31st, 2010 at 9:37 pm
The problem here is that you’re stupid. You couldn’t handle a real job so you stay at home. You think being a good wife is being submissive but the truth is your husband will soon get bored. He doesn’t want a dog that listens. Who cares about what the bible says. If you listened to everything the bible says you wouldn’t use birth control. This is the time for women and people like you are ruining it. My fiance and I are equal and we both take care of our home and cook. We both work hard jobs and still have the engery for eachother. If you feel like you’re running out of energy, maybe speed can help you. This is an insult to all women that are fighting for our rights. We don’t live in the 50s and we don’t want to go back there. Is this what you do all day? Post your horrible advice? You should get back to your housework. You want these other women to make you feel better about your decision of becoming a housewife. Try growing a backbone.
August 1st, 2010 at 4:11 pm
Wow… I would say “Thanks for your honesty” to the writer of this latest comment, but since there is no name given and no real email address either, “Thanks for your opinion” will have to suffice.
Quite frankly, I’m saddened to see that the heart of what I wrote was completely missed. Of course, I’m not surprised, since the author of this comment is clearly not a Christian. She does not hold the Bible, God’s Word, to be of any value, so the principles given in His Word mean nothing.
I do find it ironic that this woman calls my blog and this post “an insult to all women that are fighting for our rights” when there are several insults directed toward me and other women who choose to submit to, respect, and care for their husbands and home.
If anyone else has an opinion regarding this comment, other comments, or this post, I would love to hear them, but I would ask you to be respectful and not rude. Thanks!
Keep on Striving,
Heather
August 1st, 2010 at 11:51 pm
Heather, thank you so much for the forum on this subject. I have been married over 17 years now. We raised a combined family with 4 troubled kids. My husband and I are both US Navy veterans. Until recently I always worked outside the home and thought as some of these people thought, that if you were at home by choice…then you were lazy, watching tv and no ambition or help to your husband.
I, in February, with my husband’s blessings chose to quit my outside job and focus on him, our home and several ministry interests. It has been the best time ever! I work harder now than I ever did outside the home. My husband is so happy and relaxed, he loves to see all the projects I get into and the creativity in our home.
My attitude has improved so much, as far as feminist? I have been an Aviation Ordnanceman in the United States Navy, I have driven Semi trucks cross-country, I have been a Realtor in a busy California city. I have enjoyed and benefited from all those things, but…I have never been more feminine and complete than I am right now, called by God to be His ambassador of love and Wife and Mother and Grandmother.
and by the way…you don’t have to sign your name to your email, God knows who you are…God bless you and your efforts, after all…You made it to this blog right?
Blessings, Wendy
August 2nd, 2010 at 1:37 am
I very seldom read (much less respond) to these things, but my husband saw your “twitter” (and I still needed his help finding the specific post
Anyway, I understand where the writer was coming from, but I may have some insights worth posting:
Perhaps this list of “rules” puts people off because if it’s a rule, it’s viewed as not appreciated. Not every woman washed Jesus’ feet with their hair… He appreciated the gesture of the one who did. He also spent long hours discussing things with Mary and Martha in their home. He didn’t seem to segregate himself from women at all, but showed them respect as well. Deborah was even a judge in her day!
I do things for my husband not because I’m following some set of rules or because I see it as my “role” to keep the house quiet and stress-free; but to show him my love for him. If he begins to have a sense of entitlement to it; my gift is no longer a gift.
My grandmother followed these rules, and although they’ve celebrated more than 50yrs of marriage, it has not been without much turmoil. Although she would never have told us; he cheated, was an abusive alcoholic, and had a very poor relationship with his children… until one of them passed away as a young adult and he realized he had no idea who his kids were. Many children raised during the time this was written have surface relationships with their fathers. Being the head of a “household” means they are IN the household and know what’s going on.
I work too, at times more hours than my husband, and sometimes find it a relief to go to work… with people who understand reason and logic. Likewise, my husband has specifically told me that he “is thankful for the times he stays home with the kids” because it gives him “a better appreciation for what I go through each day,” and has on multiple occasions told me that my “job” at home is much harder than his. Being a stay-at-home-mom is often a much more grueling job than going to work each day!
I absolutely agree that the husband is the head of the household and before God has been given the responsibility and authority over his family! When disagreements occur, my husband always has the final say. That being said, we both are free to voice our opinions on the issue. I am not made to feel as though I need to wait for an invitation to do so.
I have watched a marriage very close to me fail when the wife didn’t voice opinion of the husband’s wrongdoings, but rather, to keep from complaining, would change the topic or do something to make him more comfortable. Ultimately, she ended up having Biblical reason for divorce and still maintained an attempt to work things out, but he ended the marriage.
A friends mother, a pastor’s wife, had rules such as these imposed on her under the pretense that it was her “role”- after many, many years of faithfully following them, she ended up committing suicide.
These are examples of 3 very, very real situations.
I would NOT go as far as to say that marriage is a 50/50 partnership by any means, but a wife’s role should not be demeaned by insinuating that her concerns are not important enough to voice… even down to having the house quiet without dishwasher noise or children making noise. My husband thoroughly enjoys seeing his children run up to him and tell him about their day. He comes home to lunch each day- not only to see his family and give his wife a break with 2 adults in the house for a little while; but also to hear his children’s “noise”.
It may be interesting to see the “husbands” list spoken of in a previous comment.
Ultimately I would see this list more as possible “suggestions” on ways to make your husband’s day- good suggestions- but not as “rules” we must strive to follow on a daily basis.
P.S.- Ironically enough, I just read through this response with my husband to get his take on it… Exactly what I’m talking about
Be blessed and thanks for listening!!
August 2nd, 2010 at 8:45 pm
I typically do not comment on blogs, but this particular discussion will not leave my mind.
First of all, thank you Heather for sparking such a lively conversation! Obviously, there are strong feelings on this topic from all the different walks of womanly life.
I love heated debates and believe that they should be a part of everyone’s lives to keep people sharp and keep them thinking about where they stand in their lives. Debates should include opinions, views, questions, answers, opposition, objections, and explanations from all locations on the topic’s spectrum and from both sides of the fence (even from those on the fence!). However, debates should not include defensiveness, insults and name-calling. These negative aspects that often arise in debates are poisionous and show a lack of respect, understanding and acceptance of other’s ideas by that particular party. Debaters DO NOT need to agree, but they should be open and respectful to all involved with a willingness to gain understanding of other’s perspectives.
Having said that, I also want to state that I don’t believe Heather’s intention in this post was to personally attack any one person’s belief system or life decision. I believe that she found the tips for a 1950’s wife helpful in her personal life and wanted to share those ideas with other in hopes that marriages and relationships would be grown and improved. (Correct me if I’m wrong, of course, Heather!) She also, in no way, attacked working women or glorified stay-at-home mothers. Heather was focusing on ways in which we can check our selfish attitudes at the door and truly serve our partners!
All God speak and religion aside, I think EVERYONE can benefit from the idea of service. Relationships, friendships, marriages would all benefit from each individual putting the needs of their partner before their own needs. My husband and I try to ‘out-serve’ each other on a daily basis and it fosters an environment of love and respect that I didn’t know could exist in a marriage! Regardless of the kind of relationship in question, each individual should be striving to give 100%. Not 50/50, not 80/20, but 100%. That way if one person is having an off day and is only able to provide 75%, the other partner, still striving for 100%, will create an atmosphere with a combined total of 175% service and effort put forth in the relationship that day. I hope that makes sense. It makes sense in my life, and with my husband.
Moving on, even though this discussion did not start out as a working woman vs. stay-at-home mother debate, I would like to address the topic from my point of view.
I personally am a new mother and decided to stay at home with my son when he was born. I worked for 6 years as a teacher at a K-12 school with before and after care, and then at a preschool/K. What I witnessed during my years of teaching was that in more cases than not, when both parents of a student had full-time jobs, I saw their children significantly more than the parents did. I knew their children better than they did. They had to ask me questions about their own children. I saw a lot of children starving for time with their own parents.
Because of these experiences, I decided I wanted to be the one who knew my son best. I decided that instead of asking a caregiver how my child’s day was, I was going to be there to witness every milestone, every tear, every smile, every minute of my precious baby’s life! I made an educated decision to do what I thought was best for my family and my situation in life. I do not regret that decision for one minute, and never will. I still love teaching, but now I have just one, very special student that I will teach everything he needs to know about life.
Now, that being said, I understand that everyone reading this blog/post is not in this place in their life or may not agree with my decision. I respect that and would love to hear other women’s reasons for being stay-at-home mothers, working mothers, or simply independent working women.
It feels great to get my ideas written down for other thinking and grappling women to hear/read. Thanks for listening.
As an ending thought, I would like to say that all the women here expressing their ideas in a respectful manner show true thought, character and backbone by being able to look introspectively at their lives and try to figure things out in a way that works best for them.
To those who anonymously bash the ideas of others because they are uncomfortable with different ideas - coincidentally, you need to educate yourself and grow a back bone.
August 5th, 2010 at 12:17 pm
Yes, in an ideal world I think this is a beautiful list..minus a couple of sentences or so. You must have had a really good, loving Father.. My heart would love to fully embrace this, truly. But admittedly, I understand why some women chafe. Particularly when life has required her to work all day long..not because she necessarily wanted to be career-DRIVEN crazy lady, but because she forced to do so. That being said, I certainly do NOT embrace the second list..reverse sexism isn’t the answer either.
Honestly, I think that even compared to the Proverbs 31 woman, during the 50’s, there was a movement toward wives becoming the beautiful servant in heels. While I certainly believe that our husbands deserve respect and honor and are the most important person in our world,as well as our spiritual leaders..but they are also called to be servant leaders. “Love your wives as Christ loved the church.” I do not feel that is the only purpose that a woman, not ONLY a wife, has. A man should be the King in his home, yes. However, let’s not forget that the Lady of the House, is also, in fact..a Queen.
August 5th, 2010 at 2:46 pm
This is terrible. So you basically think women are supposed to be servants for their husbands? This is disgusting. Go out and get a life, and maybe ask your husband to bow down to you for a change. Reading this post made me realize how backwards and old fashioned some people still are. I am a strong woman with goals and ambitions and will not be a slave to some man. .
You probably tell your daughters that they shouldn’t have dreams or goals in life because their only use is to have babies. Wow, you couldn’t be more wrong. I am just so deeply saddened by reading this. Your daughters could go out and change the world but no, you want them to wait on men. GROSS.
Marriages fail when women are like “oh, I don’t matter, I’m just a woman”. It’s 50/50 partnership. If the guy doesn’t want to do anything for you, then don’t do anything for him. You’re not a damn slave! Do something with your life! UGH! I just want to throw up.
August 5th, 2010 at 8:00 pm
Marita-
Both of my parents and my mother-in-law are schoolteachers and I have spent time substituting. I completely see your point about many kids spending more time with their teachers than their parents!
I find myself to be both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. Before kids, both my husband and I worked full-time. We now have a 2yr old and a 3yr old and are thankful to say that we have another blessing coming the end of this year. We have made sacrifices and cut corners to keep from having to work as often, but financially, I am unable to stay home all the time.
I am blessed to have a job that allows me to work part-time nights a few days/wk while the kids are asleep so I can spend as much time with them as possible during the day, but still get home in time to be home during part of the night with my husband. In addition, my husband works close to home and comes home everyday for his lunch hour. Where most families have dinnertime as their family mealtime, we have family lunches. That way if we end up getting dinnertime together, we get two
Until my husbands hours of work changed making him go in earlier, we used to all eat breakfast together as well.
The kids have never been in daycare or anything other than the church nursery (where we were one of the sets of “teachers”). That being said, this summer I have been picking up a couple of full shifts/wk to help with preparations for a new baby. During this time, my husband stays home with them (or my mother-in-law comes for a visit). My husband enjoys the alone-time he gets with them as well.
I also plan on homeschooling the kids and have begun little mini-lesson plans with them. It is such a joy to watch them sound out words and see the “light bulb go off” in their heads as they get a new concept. Both of them knew their letters and their sounds before they were talking and my daughter does simple addition/subtraction… it’s a blast! We have a general rule of the house that the kids only get 1 video a day and that’s it (usually VeggieTales, Max Locado’s Hermie/Wormie, or WordWorld… or daddy playing “Mario” :), so it forces us to enjoy each other’s company. It also teaches them to occupy themselves if mommy has some household chores that need to be done (if they aren’t helping me with them)
Anyway, that’s how it’s broken down in our household, and why I call myself both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom
August 6th, 2010 at 2:03 am
Loving all these long replies!
Marita - You are definitely right in my intentions!
I happen to be a working mom who strongly desires to be a stay-at-home mom… which will happen hopefully soon, whenever we can financially afford it (working on that one!).
Sarah - You rock
***For the record, I would like to state that I have a wonderful, loving husband who does NOT demand servitude from me… I willingly submit to him & serve him out of my love and respect for him.
That said (which I know I’ve said before) …. I’m still amazed that people have no idea what this whole blog and conversation is about!
Britt… really? “So you basically think women are supposed to be servants for their husbands?” Nope, I don’t!
“You probably tell your daughters that they shouldn’t have dreams or goals in life because their only use is to have babies.” Mmm, nope… God created all of us with a purpose and a plan, & I hope that my children will live to discover whatever that is. If it’s to have babies, so be it. If it’s to be a doctor, so be it.
“It’s 50/50 partnership.” I’d have to disagree with you there… it’s like what Marita said… it’s 100% from both sides.
Thanks for the comments… I’d like to once again remind everyone to keep it kind & respectful (even if you disagree… there are civil ways to disagree without insulting or namecalling).
Keep the comments coming… & keep on striving!
Heather
August 27th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
I am at wrok and unable to read all of the comments, so forgive me if I repeat what someone else has written.
I agree with just about EVERYTHING in that housekeeping article. What I don’t agree with are the statements that say his opinion is more important than my own. My opinion is just as important, but there is time and place to give it, and definitely a time to keep my mouth shut. I also have the right to question where he has been if he stays out all night, that is accountability. However, if he were to call and say he was going out with his buddies because he had a stressful day, I wouldn’t question him.
What the other \liberated\ ladies are missing is that this article assumes the wife has a doting and caring husband that cherishes them, loving them as Christ loved the church. It makes it so much more fulfilling when he appreciates these things. I would not be so keen on fulfilling all of these comforts for a man that was going out to strip clubs and being lustful (which is what the modern good wife allows). My husband told me that he enjoys these comforts, and prefers them over trying out something new (a slut who will not treat him like his wife does)…
I also think that when the woman works outside the home, it is not reasonable to expect all of this out of her. I work for now, but I try to incorporate what I can–he gets home before me, so most of it is just not possible. However, we are preparing for me to become a stay-at-home mom when our first is born. So I think all of the guidelines in that article are good as a job description. Everyone’s title has a job description, and that is the house-wife’s. Did anyone realize that men in the 1950s worked 10 to 12 hour days, often including Saturdays?! And it was shameful for the husband to send his wife to work. So it makes more sense that the wives were expected to provide so many comforts. I would be exhausted if I was forced to work 60+ hours a week!!
I don’t understand why so many women hate their husbands. They are not all evil if you give them a chance!
I even appreciate spankings from my husband. There are times when I am rebellious and argue with him when I should not be. I actually like them because to me, it shows that he CARES about how our marriage life is and how well we get along, and he is reminding me that my behavior causes dissention between the two of us. He is never too harsh with me. He never abuses the power his headship gives him. And if something is really important to me, he won’t spank me for voicing my concern. A woman’s tongue will tear down her house.
I just started being a better wife, and was rewarded with amazing sex. Better than it has been in months!! If you give a little, they show their appreciation, I promise!