WARNING: Some of this article was written with a bit of a temper! (Righteous anger - you’ll see!)
I came across a blog featuring a post entitled, “The Good Wife’s Guide” featuring an excerpted article from Housekeeping Monthly - May 13, 1955 (supposedly; see my note at the end of this post). I skipped ahead of what the woman had written beforehand, just to see what the Guide contained… and was impressed with how much of it Elizabeth George echoes in her book, “A Wife After God’s Own Heart.”
It wasn’t until I finished reading and scrolled back up that I realized this woman had written (in bold) “We’ve come a long way, baby!”
Here’s the original post:
- Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
- Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
- Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
- Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
- Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
- Be happy to see him.
- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
- Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
- Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
- Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
- Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
- Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
- Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
- A good wife always knows her place.
I left in the parts that she bolded for emphasis.
So, we’ve come a long way? And she’s proud of that? I thought those were pretty good pointers. Evidently, this woman (and her readers) disagree. Here’s an excerpt of the “modern” Good Wife’s guide, written by a reader of the woman’s blog. She thought she was very clever, too:
- Be sure he has good, easy to follow directions to the quality restaurants that deliver curbside. This way when he arrives home he’ll have exactly what he wants for dinner and it will be ready when he arrives and you get fed too. You can be a dear and call in the order. We know how he doesn’t like to do that.
- Prepare yourself…a good cocktail will work.
- Be a little gay (we now know this means happy) The cocktail will relax you and you’ll appear to be happy when he arrives
- Clear away clutter today this means turn the computer off and the tv on and kick stuff out of the way to make a straight path to the tv. That’s all he’ll notice.
Do I even need to continue? Doesn’t the love and respect for her husband just ooze out? Here’s a few more just to drive the point home…
- Be happy to see him.. This may take several cocktails.
- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him….more cocktails.
- Listen to him. This should be getting easy now after several cocktails.
- He’s coming home with a great dinner and if he’s late make sure he knows how to use the microwave to reheat; if he really comes home late and without dinner have your dinner delivered and eat without him (just be sure he pays for your dinner when he does get home). No need to try to understand his world of strain, you were out there all day too.
It keeps going, too… She ends her anti-husband tirade with, “The opinions of this writer…are shared by millions…I’m sure!!”
I think the women of the 1950’s understood what it means to honor their husbands. Sure, some of those things we may balk at…. but I would not say that a single one of them is out of line. Obviously, the liberated women of today think otherwise. Mmm, let me rephrase that. The so-called liberated women…
I’m sorry, but I think I’m pretty liberated. I’m more than happy to let my husband be the authority, the bread-winner, and the head of the house. I happily relinquish that headship and gladly submit… that’s liberation! It frees me up to be a WIFE!
Am I wrong? Am I crazy? Am I the only one who thinks that this list from the 1950’s is something worth striving for? Leave your comments below and let me know your thoughts!!
(Side note - this is only part 1 of my rant…. as I was researching to see if this list is indeed for real or not [Snopes.com wasn't clear; at worst, it at least shows the proper ideals from the 1950's], I came across other disturbing views of women’s roles for today. I feel like I must share them, and defend the Biblical role of women and wives… because striving wives [myself included] need to be surrounded by and reminded of God’s Truth every day! Sorry for my rant…. stay tuned for more to come!)
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:33
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July 29th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
I have seen this same list and similar thoughts posted on other blogs. I could go into great detail about how deeply I agree with your thoughts, but let’s just keep it at this: You and I would make great neighbors!
July 29th, 2008 at 7:49 pm
NO! Your not crazy and YES the things described in the list are worth striving for!!! The highlight of my day is when Israel comes home…those are my three favorite words of the day…”Honey, I’m home!” I love to spend time with him and care for him!! Heather, I must say — we will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary and I am so blessed and thankful for the husband God has given me and I want him to know what a gift he is. I want to be the wife God desires me to be…one that honors and submits to her husband!
July 30th, 2008 at 11:39 am
If you’re crazy, you’re not alone, I’m right there with you! I have been so blessed by be obedient to the Word and treating my husband with the love, honour and respect he deserves.
Added you to my Twitter after reading your post in the Facebook group. What a great idea. Add me too please at http://twitter.com/HisFireFly
blessings,
in His service,
Karin
July 30th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Thanks ladies!
The more I think about this whole thing, the more it has me frustrated, sad, and somewhat angered at the image society and our culture have put forth as the “modern day woman”. Television sitcoms have helped to make husbands/dads look inept, foolish, and bumbling idiots instead of the men we respect and admire.
These thoughts have been keeping me up at night… but I’m glad I’m not alone in daring to be different (or old-fashioned, as some might see it!). Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, too!
Michele - your daughter Rebekah will grow up with such a wonderful example of a mom to follow! She will see the love and respect between you and Israel and know that that is the way a marriage ought to be! Awesome!
Amy & Karin - So glad to have you both here at my blog, and as Twittering friends too! Thanks so much, and I hope you keep coming back! (and send friends! lol)
Keep on striving! Your husbands will notice the difference! (Mine does!)
Heather
July 31st, 2008 at 11:18 am
Hi Heather,
Wow - What “millions” agreed with the writer?
I hate it when the press or some poll says “Everyone thinks this way” Well…I’m part of everyone and I don’t think that way!!! Why didn’t I get mentioned in that pollor press release??
OK I guess this is where I struggle the most…I grew up in a Christian home but my mother had to work and so I was raised to be independent…..I love my husband but sometimes wonder: “why can’t he do that himself?” As stated in your previous blog; I was single for 20+ years before being married(only married 9 months now). So me dropping everything when he gets home, I struggle with.
I like the “old fashion” thinking but I love my microwave and computer too!
Do I need to get rid of my independence to charish my husband?
Am I too newly married and every couple goes thru this?
Am I missing the point all together?
I will continue to keep striving as a new wife and learn.
karen
July 31st, 2008 at 3:33 pm
I hear ya, Karen!! I was 25 when I got married, and on my own for a few years… my first year was frustrating, trying to balance this idea of being the wife that I know God wants me to be, and, well… reality!!
Stay tuned for my next blog post, though, because I actually am going to be addressing a lot of what you just asked!
Keep striving, girl… you have the right heart!!
August 27th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I agree with you. One problem is that modern men are not taught to respect women. Following those guidelines, with a husband who takes you for granted, would be miserable. But, a real man understands that his wife’s role is just as important. He shows her respect, and works hard to take care of her. I believe that women should be VALUED equally, but not treated identically.
October 1st, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Okay.. I completely disagree with you guys! It’s like your worshiping your husband lol like What the %$@? that’s crazy! What happens if he lives you for another woman (happens all the time) that’s more interesting, then a stupid woman that he can walk all over. Ha it’s very funny how you guys think… but whatever its your life.
October 4th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Paula, a husband & his wife should be devoted fully to each other. I have forsaken all other women for a deep, faithful, God-honoring relationship with my wife. Jesus tells me to love my wife as He loves us. I could never match that, but I understand what He is trying to teach me. God is at the center of our marriage, and we’ve grown closer to Him through our 20 years of marriage. We fully trust each other in every way. I would be the biggest fool to throw this away for another woman…..I will NEVER be that fool.
I have prayed that God will give you a faithful, godly man someday,and you will keep God at the center of that marriage, where “two become one flesh” in His eyes.
Please don’t call these women stupid because they are striving to be the wife God wants them to be. They should be honored for defending the beauty of marriage.
May God bless you & may He open your eyes,
-Matt
October 13th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
I’m a Christian women and I respect my boyfriend very much– we do plan to wed in the future… he’s made that clear.
But we do not expect each other to bow down and kiss our feet! I respect him, his wishes, his goals, his striving for a better education, and he respects mine as well.
Honestly, I’d probably want to runaway if I was stuck in the house all day, cleaning and cooking because I was expected to. Don’t get me wrong- I LOVE to clean and cook! As well as produce paintings for the house and decorate. It makes me at ease afterward. But just as well, my boyfriend does too (aside from the art part– he wants to be a director and cinematographer.) We see eye-to-eye on subjects such as those and respect each others independence.
Personally, I’m proud to not feel dependent and like a Cinderella to my significant other! I think he likes that too.
Now, what y’all do is completely up to you and your spouse, and I respect that, but I don’t understand why you’d want to live that way.
November 8th, 2008 at 2:25 am
I agree completely with you! I have seen that list before, and seen it ripped to shreds by a group of women, who claimed I was insane and old fashioned for thinking it was worth striving for. I just found your blog tonight and I am loving it! What a woman after God’s own heart! What an incredible mother you will be! (I got married at 25 and had our first a year later. I am a stay at home mom (former teacher and youth minister) to 3yr old anna and 1 yr old Isaac.) God bless!
January 25th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Hi Heather and all!
I love this post of yours, I’ve been perusing the internet for months trying different searches for the ‘modern good wife’ of proverbs 31.
I am 24, and have been married a year; but I am struggling. I have always believed in the qualities of the old fashioned, stay at home wife and Mum, but I struggle with fitting that into a modern lifestyle. I’d love to be that women, but I just don’t have the energy. We both work, and have a mortgage to keep, like everyone else really. I work in a school, and must admit, go a bit nuts in the holidays when I’m home all the time.
I’m finding that most of the help and advice is either old-school, slightly Americanised (sorry, but it’s true) home-maker stuff, or super modern feminist!! I try to sit in the middle, as my 29 year old husband does. We both work, so we both do house stuff. But I often find myself comparing who does what, and grudging the half hour earlier I come home - as that means I walk the dogs and sort dinner.
I’m not complaining, just saying I’m trying to balance this. I’ve always thought that a lot (not all) of my modern minded female accqauintances just don’t seem to realise how much emotional damage we do to the men in our lives. I don’t think it’s fair to say that it’s ok as it’s what most men used to do to women 50 years ago!
‘The striving wife’ is a super image. That’s what I’m doing, striving to translate the beautiful women in proverbs 31 into a 21st century diva, Blessing my family in everything I do. Just very slowly, I’m afraid! (I love how we all think of the woman described as beautiful, simply because of what she does - the passage doesn’t say that!)
Well done everyone, I’d love to learn from others who think this way too, and encourage each other.
Take care,
Sarah
Bristol UK
February 26th, 2009 at 2:05 am
That’s funny I came across this thing. I actually made a video for my History of the 60s class right before I even read this. Quite funny, and almost a little ironic. Check it out on youtube.com if you’de like. Search: modern-day housewife’s vs. 60s
March 31st, 2009 at 3:00 pm
This is absolutly insane. I read the original article back in high school 10 years ago and thought I’d find it online again as a joke to my friends. I didn’t think I’d find people who actually agree with the thing.
My website link is a more accurate article on the way I personally think a “Good Wife” should be.
http://www.zimbio.com/Life+of+.....de+Revised
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:18 pm
YOU ARE ALL CRAZY!!!!!!! I want to take care of my husband but I DON’T PLAN ON BEING HIS DOOR-MAT. You are supposed to have an open and honest relationships with your husband, not one where the woman bottels up their emotions, and doesn’t speak!!!! Do you plan on having a life… at all!!! DON’T ASK YOUR HUSBAND QUESTIONS, MAKE SURE HE’S COMFORTABLE… WOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU!!! I am thinking maybe you are brain washed or being physically abused, beacause it is the only explanation I can think of. If the woman works all day then she shouldn’t have to come home and act like a slave. I feel sorry for you and you probably don’t even understand why. And news flash MILLIONS of women do think this way, the only reason you are not getting replys from them is because of the website you are on!!!
YOU ARE ALL INSANE…
June 11th, 2009 at 12:59 am
(This is in reply to my above post.) I am 16 and I mentioned that I made a video in regards to “The Good Wife’s Guide” written in Times Magazine back in the 50s.
The movie I made was MAKING FUN OF that guide. . . not encouraging it. Therefore, I am not insane. lol
June 24th, 2009 at 11:12 am
Back in the 40’s I remember my mom did not work and she did, basically, as the list has specified. In other words, she was trapped like a lab rat!
In the 50’s the same thing, but my mom got a job selling Avon. She felt independent, but still trapped. She did not drive, but when I aquired my license, I had to help her deliver the orders to each house where other wives were trapped in similar cages.
I became good friends with a girl whose mother worked, but it was in the late afternoon til midnight. Her husband would be home with the 2 girls and he did the cooking and “yes” he even washed the dishes! Now that was a real man. You do know, “A good man is hard to find”?
July 3rd, 2009 at 10:20 am
I have seen this list before and actually made a copy of it to use as a goal in what I wanted my life to be. I am not saying that I agree with every part of it, but I like the concept. I was in the corporate world for several years and felt trapped. I am now lucky enough (through my husbands hard work at 2 jobs) to be able to stay home with our 2 children and provide a wonderful loving environment for my family. I sometimes believe I was born in the wrong era. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my career, but I wanted to be home raising my family because I feel that is where I should be. Every woman is different, you need to do what is right for you but calling people names because they feel one way or another is just not a nice thing…no matter what your beliefs.
I am glad I stumbled upon this post as I am going to dig out my copy and reset my goals as I have lost track in the chaos that has found its way into my life lately. Being a good wife, and a good mother can be as stressfull as working outside the home.
July 12th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Here’s my opinion if it is worth anything. I am grateful for the women who struggled to give the future generations more rights and freedoms. But I am not grateful to those generations who have screwed it up. I look around and see the men of my generation lost. They are still little boys thanks to us women. Either by babying them too much as mothers or by emasculating them as wives/girlfriends. I have a real resentment for my gender for being whiny, pushy, selfish and catty people. I think every woman with a man in her life could read old articles like these and learn from them. You don’t have to copy them to the exact detail, but what is wrong with making the man in your life feel a little special? How does that make you unwomanly in the slightest??? Is he personally taking away all your rights and freedoms by you just giving him the tiniest bit of comfort? I think woman forget how hard men used to work for us. What they sacrificed so that we could stay home and raise our children. Now most of us don’t have a choice. I am a single mom of 2 toddlers, and because the man I was with for 4-5 years was taught to be lazy because his mom had to be miss independent, he would do nothing. He expected me to be the bread winner, the full time mother, and the full time student. I left him, but now it’s the same just without him to “Hold me back” (which in this case he really was, he was also an abuser haha.) I wanted to find some good advice on how to be a good wife today because I’m afraid I don’t know how. I thought this article was nice, and although I won’t religiously live by it, it’s a nice reminder of how you should appreciate your man. I’m sorry that a lot of girls out there don’t feel the same, but I feel really really good when I get cutesy for my guy and make the house nice and make a really good meal. That doesn’t make me feel like I’m robbed of anything. I love adoring my man and how he adores me after I show him that I love him by doing kind things. My grandma was EXACTLY as this article describes a woman from the 50’s. It makes me feel proud that somewhere in my line there was a very selfless and kind lady, and maybe someday (maybe not in the exact same way) I could be more like her, be more selfless and think of others comforts. If there were more people like that in the world, I think it would be a pretty great place.
July 12th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
How wonderful it is to see that I am growing as a wife and God’s daughter. I grew up in Southern California just when all the liberation for women ralley’s, burn your bra’s, and don’t open the door for me ideas made it big. I lived a long time under that theme and it led me to divorce and misery.
God introduced me to a wonderful man and I continued on the path I’d been taught. 10 years into our marriage almost at another divorce, I came to know Jesus. He regenerated our marriage and taught me how to love, really love my husband. We renewed our vows at church in April.
Thank you for this forum, other women need to know the truth.
August 4th, 2009 at 12:12 am
I both agree and disagree with this article.
I agree, because a wife should always be there for her husband and make him comfortable. This shows love, in my opinion, to show that you think of him.
I also disagree because women too have to be loved. They should have the right to complain to there husband if their husband complains to them. They should be treating each other like how they want to be treated.
August 23rd, 2009 at 9:36 pm
I do agree, especially if you stay home, that you should do everything possible to make the end of the day less-stressful for your partner.
I think when you stay home that IS your job, and it’s not like your husband doesn’t work hard for nothing. He works hard to put a roof over your family’s head and much, much more.
So YES, I agree that it can definately be attainable today, especially if it was in the fifties when there were less conveniences as there are now!!!
The ONLY thing I disagree with is that “his conversations are more important than yours”. I think if there is something pressing or needs to be discussed, then you should feel free to have any conversation with your husband. But of course don’t bombard him daily with your hourly stresses of every day.
I think it is great to try and provide to your partner, as they also try very hard to provide for you.
August 25th, 2009 at 10:33 am
I’ve been trying most of this out with my guy and while the kids enjoy it and things seem to be running extremely smooth it doesn’t seem that my guy could care less. He still does the same thing he’s always done, sits down and play video games once he gets home. It’s kind of frustrating. I would love some advice if any of you have it, anything that has made your homes more nice.
August 25th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Wow, I’m amazed at how much controversy this article continues to stir up!
As I reread the original article from the 1950’s, I have the same feelings toward it - some of these suggestions might seem “over the top”, but goodness, wouldn’t our husbands appreciate these gestures? After reading “The Husband Project,” “Love & Respect,” “The Five Love Languages,” “A Wife After God’s Own Heart,” & others like it, they all seem to suggest doing these same things to show our love and respect to our husbands!
Again, this is not an absolutely perfect, up-to-date version of what a wife today should look like (if so, it would include things like making sure you’re off Twitter and Facebook before your husband comes home!), and it obviously doesn’t take into account women who work outside the home… but look at the heart of this list, especially compared to the heart of the “new” list…
Would a Striving Wife need to drink cocktails in order to “appear” happy for her husband? Or would a Striving Wife make every effort to keep her husband stress-free as he enters the home after a hard day’s work?
On hot days when my husband bikes home from work, I know he appreciates when I have sliced watermelon or a cold drink waiting for him. Or when I don’t pepper him with questions or complaints the moment he walks through the door.
Take this list, not verbatim, but see how you can take and apply them to YOUR life, today. Do one a day, and it’s almost like doing “The Husband Project” or “The Love Dare.”
Keep on Striving… & keep these comments coming!!
~Heather
PS - Stephanie… it could just be that your guy needs that detox time after work! “The Husband Project” is a book that gives suggestions like that - freeing him up to be able to spend 1/2 hour or so after work with nothing to do except what HE wants to do, whether it’s sitting in front of the TV or video games, or (if you’re a lucky one) talking for a few minutes with you. It may help him de-stress… which benefits YOU later one. By not bombarding him with things to do as he walks through the door, you’re helping him to relax from his day. Don’t be disheartened, but keep on striving! Sounds like you’re doing a great job!
August 25th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Paula: In simple words; your not quite bright. I have a strong feeling most men aren’t half the man you are.
Priscilla: The Church depends on Jesus. Marriage is a blatant picture of Jesus (Man) and The Church (Woman). Dependency is important for all people, and dependency is easily synonymous with accountability. While independence can be easily defined by pride. A life of independence is a life of pride and life without accountability.
PS: Men should be held to a standard twice as high as this, so it’s no cop out on them. So that can’t even be an angle of argument.
Heather: Excellent post! Jason’s a winner, and you’re a treasure! Praise Jesus.
August 25th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
Heather:
When I say all he does is video games, I mean it. From the time he gets home til I go to bed at midnight that’s all he does. I don’t bother him with anything except that dinner is done.
August 25th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Hi all, I’ve been keeping up on all the comments here for awhile now, everyone keeps looking at this list. Let’s focus on the “Word” Proverbs 31. That wife, not so modern they keep saying, is in balance.
She cares for her family, the house, the household affairs. She is also a talented and shrewed business woman. She saves and invests, owns property and this is all outside of her husbands affairs. Because of this balance, of dependence on her husband and God for the leadership, and the independance to make sound choices, it says she is praised by her husband! What’s that? Respect!
She is praised due to her behavior, deeds and fear of the Lord!
God says that we were created to be man’s help mate. Then he says we are to respect our husbands.
It’s all about balance! If our focus remains on the Lord and we do what he says, all this list will go away and we will be left with being the Proverbs 31 wife we are all striving to be.
After spending 12 years doing it all my way as a “woman liberated” and then Yes, submitting, and doing it God’s way, I am so blessed and my husband and I are more in love and I am more liberated then ever!
Praise God and his Word! Blessings to all of you!! Wendy Kay
October 2nd, 2009 at 4:45 pm
I agree with most of the stuff in the guide, but i dont think wives should just let their husbands walk all over them. If your husband comes home and is all stressed from the day i still think you should respect that he’s had a rough day, but i dnt think you should drop everything just to cater to him. I would stop to ask him about his day and maybe help him with something, and then go on with my tasks. I am not saying that you guys are crazy, or insane because that would just be rude! Im only 16 but i believe what the bible says about wives respecting their husbands (i believe everything else in there as well!!)but i dnt think that means going to the extreme! Still, there are a lot of good points though!
Melissa :]
October 7th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
The caveat here is that you need a great man to be a great wife! A stong husband will work just as hard if not harder to make sure she is happy. When both of us are working toward pleasing one another, there is not stronger relationship in the world. If you asked me during my first marriage if this was outdated, I would have been the first to say that this list is insane! However, it’s only insane if you have a weak man who will take advantage of his wife. Otherwise, it will bring you to a relationship that most people assume is fiction!
October 13th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I don’t care if people think I’m crazy but I LOVE this article. I am just happy that I’m not alone in thinking that. I can’t accomodate all of these guidelines as I’m not afforded the same stay at home opportunity since society/economy has made it hard for 1 income to provide for a family. But to the best of my abilities, I work towards achieving all of these. Thanks for this blog. It really helps to know others feel that these guidelines are something good :)The Guidelines for a Good Housewife (1950’s style) ROCKS!!!
November 11th, 2009 at 1:55 am
men want to come home to a peaceful home
a peaceful wife
a peaceful life
…otherwise we’ll stay at work
…or go hang out in the garage
it’s up to you ladies.
November 16th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
What I find interesting is that ALL of the wives and mothers that I know, myself included, who have happy marriages and families do what is outlined in that article for the most part. I am NOT a whimpy doormat of a wife, nor are my friends and family but we take care of our families and strive to make our homes a pleasant place for our husbands, children and ourselves. We just don’t think of it in those terms of submitting, etc. It all boils down to the same thing though and admit it or not gals if you have a happy marriage and a real man, he’s the head of the household. That does not mean that we are not valued or that we are not part of the household decision making process, we are. AND if you have a happy marriage your husband honors you as well and appreciates and values all you do as we appreciate and value what they do. It’s a two-way street and how we all divide up the responsibilities of the home depend upon what makes that couple happy and comfortable according to their abilities and work schedules because, yes, many of us need to work. Enjoy your role as wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter… and know that you ARE valued by your families, friends and communities because what more important job is there?
Best wishes to you all,
Annette
(married 18 years w/ 2 wonderful teenagers — goes by fast!)
November 27th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I agree with you completely. I have longed to find a significant other that behaves in a similar manner to that of a housewife from the 1950s.
December 28th, 2009 at 3:59 am
I believe in that article, and the few tricks I have consciously applied,have given me amazing results! (Never knew what makes my husband happy, was always on the wrong side, he threatened divorce a few months into our marriage, He is a crazy one sometimes) Am still striving, Heather, please pray with me, I know u will. I am from Uganda and our men are so like that, so to love Him, u have to go all the way thru that list, especially my husband, in my 1st year of marriage, it was the most painful, coz i never knew any of these things but God is steadily helping me out with articles like these and am also reading a book: Fascinating womanhood. It is a God sent book I tell u, thank u and God bless u, keep them coming, i mean the articles. I love u, thank God for u, and, u are my example out here. Funny, that same bug is infecting Uganda as well, gals and women alike are on rampage!!!!!!!!!! God help us!!!!! Amen
January 7th, 2010 at 7:48 pm
I completely agree with these guidelines! I am a working woman who has been married for almost 8 years now. I believe this is how a woman should be. I just wish I could find more reading material on it. If anyone has more suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. God Bless!
January 22nd, 2010 at 6:40 pm
Danielle, This comment is for you and anyone else who feels the way you do. Check out the book: Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. If you get this book you want a copy dated no later than the 70’s. After that the ideas in it get modernized and it waters down the original principles. The book is awsome and the attitudes and behaviors in it really work! It will change you and your attitudes.
It’s all about being a woman. Very scriptural as well. Hope you get one, you’ll be glad you did, and so will your husband.
Enjoy, and it’s good to be on this path with a fellow hope seeker.
God bless you as well!
wendy
February 16th, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Hi ladi’s…..
I completely believe that IF a Woman so chooses to be a Happy and Submissive housewife that she has MADE A CHOICE! This day in age there are no “rules” set to force any woman into behaving in any one way (even if I truly believe it is the correct way.
I married my Husband at the age of 19. We have 4 beautiful and well educated children who have a firm belief system and are proud of who they are both the boys and girls. My husband and I decided TOGETHER that I would be a Home Maker. i have a nursing degree, so finding work was not an issue. After our 2nd child was born I attempted to return to work. I hated it! I missed my family, my home, my home made meal and yes… I even missed my neatly folded laundry and fresh smelling, pressed blouses. Roughly 2 hours into my first “Shift” back to work in over 2 years, I broke down crying, called my best friend (also a house wife) and she said the wisest thing I had ever heard from anyone aside from my folks and husband….. “Krissie, JD loves you so very much. He would NEVER force you to work. He wants you home just as much as you want to be home.” She continued with “Besides that Krissie….. Do you really want some person you barely know RAISING your children? Teaching your Girls that Work is MORE important than family and home? Teaching your sons that Money is more important than family and home? I know what you want Krissie, You are a STRONG and brilliant woman who wants your family, to be just that….. A FAMILY! GO HOME MOMMY!!!”
I immediately called my Husband. I was still crying and barely able to mutter “I miss you guys and I love you guys I wanna….” My Husband cut me off to say “I love you too darlin, and the kids love you too. We miss you and we WANT you home.”
I asked my husband if he would PLEASE call the Nursing Director at the home I was working b/c I just didn’t have the nerve to look that man in the eye and “Put down the Law”. My husband, without hesitation, said “Oh baby, Of course I will call him. Get your handbag and wait out front, I’m on my way to get you.” He called the “Boss”, then went too get our babies from daycare so they could be with him when he picked me up. It was the happiest moment of that day for me, to know JD had “handled” everything and was coming to my “rescue”. I’ll never forget JD’s wonderfulness that day (He’s ALWAYS Wonderful, but this time was particularly special to me). Although I had only been at “work” roughly 2 hours, my Dear Husband Drove me away from that horrid place, asking me “Where do I take my wonderful bride for lunch today? What’s your fancy?”
I turned to him, without missing a beat “Awe shuggar….. Can you take me by the market? I want to make home made Chicken and Noodles for you. I know it’s your favorite and I want to thank you for ’saving’ me.”
He took my hand in his and replied “It’s my job to protect and take care of you and our kiddos babe. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you guys.”
Now, I know this has been quite detailed, but I am showing that being a “good Wife” does NOT demean me, as a woman…. It actually makes me feel that much better about myself. My husband treats me wonderfully, he is an amazing provider, wonderful father and great husband. His unconditional love and support is so much more than I could have ever dreamed to have in my life. I “Gave” myself to him completely…. Not because I HAD to, but because I wanted (and still want) to do so.
I see nothing wrong with looking my best, being an amazing mother, outstanding wife, terrific housekeeper and cook. I figured “Why would I want to work, even in ‘nursing’, and by association GIVE MYSELF over to a job when I can put that energy and dedication into my family….”
My CHOOSING (With my husband’s help and support) to be a “Good Wife” has made me a better person, a better mother, a better wife, a better woman overall.
I know that in today’s society a 2 income family is considered “Normal” and even “Necessary”…. If it makes you happy, makes your family happy…. who am I to stand in your way or judge you for it…. HOWEVER, on that same note! What makes it ok for a “Career or Independent Woman” to judge US, the women behind the Men, the women who Stitch the Quilt of family. I, WE, will not judge those of you who choose to allow your freedoms and independence to be first. We will state our opinions on home and family (just as you do), we will continue to strive for our personal best and do all in our power to build stronger families. For this, you should be happy, for this you should be proud…. Look at it this way, I (WE are) raising our girls to respect men, themselves their families and homes. Raising our girls to be mothers and caretakers. Teaching them to respect your sons and take care of your sons and grandchildren well. Raising our Sons to treat your daughters with respect and love, to value your girls as women and life mates. Raising our sons to work hard to support your daughters and grandchildren and dedicate themselves to being LOYAL, kind, supportive, understanding and Strong Men.
I feel as though I am leaving a legacy behind of truly Happy Family, Honest and devoted spouses, loving and dedicated parents.
I am raising my children to respect themselves AND OTHERS, be they male, female, grown or child.
As I watch my friends’(and other people’s) marriages fail; husbands and wives carry on affairs, cheep flings and disrespect the very foundation of marriage I thank God daily (multiple times honestly) that, we… My husband and I do Not and Will Never have to suffer those pains, lies, deceit.
As I watch children at the supermarket, school, restaurants and even church disrespect their families, teachers, other parishioners…. I think How blessed my family has been to have me home, nurturing and teaching our children who they are and how to be respectful and diligent in all they do. I shed tears of joy with every compliment (and I get many) in reference to how well behaved, respectful, kind, considerate and loving (the list goes on) my children are. I think to myself “I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo thankful I have a supportive and loving husband who understands and embraces the value of a “Stay at Home Mom/Wife”.
I see not one thing wrong or “Degrading” about preparing a delicious meal for my husband and children who have had a hard and long day at work and school. I am proud to bring my husband his fav drink while our children color quietly in the front room, or play nicely with one another in the play room. I love taking Home Baked/Made foods to my Husband and his co-workers in the middle of a hot, hard day. I have even heard other husbands ask their wives “why can’t you just take some of Krissie’s advice? She makes JD so happy.” As silly (and I suppose somewhat conceited) as it may sound, it simply reinforces my already firm views and ideals.
I have a hard time believing this day in age that many “good Wives” feel like “door Mats”. I’m sure there are some women out there who feel “forced” into home making, house wivery, mothering….. However, I firmly feel that the vast majority of “Good Wives” have made a CHOICE to be so. I believe that we, our special “sisterhood” in striving for the Best us we can possibly be, provide and accomplish a sense of renewed and revised Family Unit. I believe that We are leading the way in a NEW and much NEEDED “Movement”, The movement of FAMILY, morals, devotion, happiness… the list goes on and on. I KNOW in my heart of hearts that being a “Good wife” is of absolute importance to those of us who CHOOSE to be so.
I would never attempt to set the “Feminist Movement” back any number of years. (Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not believe that feminism is the path to true happiness, but again, that is solely my personal opinion) However, I so wish that others would NOT attempt to set back the “Family Movement” either. And to me, and many of my “Sisters in Family and Home” believe that being a “Good Wife” is just the first step in creating a much stronger family unit, as such strengthening the “Family Movement”
I do not feel “Beneath” my husband, or any man for that matter. I feel revered and admired, loved and protected. I feel like a respected member of my family. It gives me great pleasure and reward to wake to a happy husband leaving for work (which, by the way, he is no office exec, no desk, no fancy cars, he drives an end dump for a local FAMILY owned company. We do have hard times, we do work hard and we do deal with sacrifices surrounding Seasonal layoff and other such issues, so no… I am no spoiled woman.) happy to go out into the world no matter how hot or cold in his drafty truck, in order to provide for us. It makes me happy that our children and I are the inspiration in his life. I am blessed to have him walk in the door every day right after work, no bars, no women, no drinking or drugging. I am happy to hand him a cold drink, a warm dinner, a fresh baked desert. It touches my heart that after a long, hard and often frustrating day he is looking forward to seeing our children and myself, he WANTS to come home and be with us. Knowing that our family is #1 to him, makes this entire life better, no matter what is going on. I love making him and our children #1 to me. It is so rewarding to know that when my husband and children look at me, they could not imagine any other woman in my place. For that I am eternally thankful and will give my ALL.
It is not beneath me to serve my family, I am not used, abused, taken advantage of, disrespected or taken for granted. I am loved and trusted and wanted.
And I love to be the “woman behind the man” so to speak…..
With my warmest regards~
Krissie