Heather Marshall on July 29th, 2008

2012 UPDATE: It is amazing how much response this post has elicited. I’d say about a third of the comments are from people who love it all, a third from the haters, & a middle third who like it with some tweaks. Hear my heart: I don’t agree with everything 100% either! But my point in sharing this guide is to see that perhaps there’s a better way to love & respect our husbands… Keep in mind this is ONLY part 1! If you really want to see what I believe, read parts 2 & 3 too! (Links are below). Here is my original post:

I came across a blog featuring a post entitled, “The Good Wife’s Guide” featuring an excerpted article from Housekeeping Monthly - May 13, 1955 (supposedly; see my note at the end of this post). I skipped ahead of what the woman had written beforehand, just to see what the Guide contained… and was impressed with how much of it Elizabeth George echoes in her book, “A Wife After God’s Own Heart.”

It wasn’t until I finished reading and scrolled back up that I realized this woman had written (in bold) “We’ve come a long way, baby!”

Here’s the original post

:

  • Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
  • Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
  • Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
  • Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
  • Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
  • Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
  • Be happy to see him.
  • Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
  • Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
  • Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
  • Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
  • Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
  • Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
  • Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
  • Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
  • A good wife always knows her place.

So, we’ve come a long way? And she’s proud of that? I thought those were pretty good pointers. Evidently, this woman (and her readers) disagree. Here’s an excerpt of the “modern” Good Wife’s guide, written by a reader of the woman’s blog. She thought she was very clever, too:

  • Be sure he has good, easy to follow directions to the quality restaurants that deliver curbside. This way when he arrives home he’ll have exactly what he wants for dinner and it will be ready when he arrives and you get fed too. You can be a dear and call in the order. We know how he doesn’t like to do that.
  • Prepare yourself…a good cocktail will work.
  • Be a little gay (we now know this means happy) The cocktail will relax you and you’ll appear to be happy when he arrives
  • Clear away clutter today this means turn the computer off and the tv on and kick stuff out of the way to make a straight path to the tv. That’s all he’ll notice.

Do I even need to continue? Doesn’t the love and respect for her husband just ooze out? Here’s a few more just to drive the point home…

  • Be happy to see him.. This may take several cocktails.
  • Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him….more cocktails.
  • Listen to him. This should be getting easy now after several cocktails.
  • He’s coming home with a great dinner and if he’s late make sure he knows how to use the microwave to reheat; if he really comes home late and without dinner have your dinner delivered and eat without him (just be sure he pays for your dinner when he does get home). No need to try to understand his world of strain, you were out there all day too.

It keeps going, too… She ends her anti-husband tirade with, “The opinions of this writer…are shared by millions…I’m sure!!”

I think the women of the 1950’s understood what it means to honor their husbands. Sure, some of those things we may balk at…. but I would not say that a single one of them is out of line. Obviously, the liberated women of today think otherwise. Mmm, let me rephrase that. The so-called liberated women…

I’m sorry, but I think I’m pretty liberated. I’m more than happy to let my husband be the authority, the bread-winner, and the head of the house. I happily relinquish that headship and gladly submit… that’s liberation! It frees me up to be a WIFE!

Am I wrong? Am I crazy? Am I the only one who thinks that this list from the 1950’s is something worth striving for? Leave your comments below and let me know your thoughts!!

(Side note - this is only part 1 of my rant…. as I was researching to see if this list is indeed for real or not [Snopes.com wasn't clear; at worst, it at least shows the proper ideals from the 1950's], I came across other disturbing views of women’s roles for today. I feel like I must share them, and defend the Biblical role of women and wives… because striving wives [myself included] need to be surrounded by and reminded of God’s Truth every day! Sorry for my rant…. stay tuned for more to come!)

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

Related posts:

  1. What Makes a Good Wife - Part 2
  2. What Makes a Good Wife - Part 3 - Worldly Wife vs Biblical Wife
  3. The Gracious Wife versus The Sarcastic Wife
  4. Small Victories + Every Day = A Striving Wife!
  5. Some Final Thoughts on Being a Gracious Wife

156 Responses to “What Makes a Good Wife - The 1950’s Ideal vs Modern Day”

  1. I have seen this same list and similar thoughts posted on other blogs. I could go into great detail about how deeply I agree with your thoughts, but let’s just keep it at this: You and I would make great neighbors!

  2. NO! Your not crazy and YES the things described in the list are worth striving for!!! The highlight of my day is when Israel comes home…those are my three favorite words of the day…”Honey, I’m home!” I love to spend time with him and care for him!! Heather, I must say — we will be celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary and I am so blessed and thankful for the husband God has given me and I want him to know what a gift he is. I want to be the wife God desires me to be…one that honors and submits to her husband!

  3. If you’re crazy, you’re not alone, I’m right there with you! I have been so blessed by be obedient to the Word and treating my husband with the love, honour and respect he deserves.

    Added you to my Twitter after reading your post in the Facebook group. What a great idea. Add me too please at http://twitter.com/HisFireFly

    blessings,
    in His service,

    Karin

  4. Thanks ladies!

    The more I think about this whole thing, the more it has me frustrated, sad, and somewhat angered at the image society and our culture have put forth as the “modern day woman”. Television sitcoms have helped to make husbands/dads look inept, foolish, and bumbling idiots instead of the men we respect and admire.

    These thoughts have been keeping me up at night… but I’m glad I’m not alone in daring to be different (or old-fashioned, as some might see it!). Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, too!

    Michele - your daughter Rebekah will grow up with such a wonderful example of a mom to follow! She will see the love and respect between you and Israel and know that that is the way a marriage ought to be! Awesome!

    Amy & Karin - So glad to have you both here at my blog, and as Twittering friends too! Thanks so much, and I hope you keep coming back! (and send friends! lol)

    Keep on striving! Your husbands will notice the difference! (Mine does!)

    Heather :)

  5. Hi Heather,

    Wow - What “millions” agreed with the writer?
    I hate it when the press or some poll says “Everyone thinks this way” Well…I’m part of everyone and I don’t think that way!!! Why didn’t I get mentioned in that pollor press release??

    OK I guess this is where I struggle the most…I grew up in a Christian home but my mother had to work and so I was raised to be independent…..I love my husband but sometimes wonder: “why can’t he do that himself?” As stated in your previous blog; I was single for 20+ years before being married(only married 9 months now). So me dropping everything when he gets home, I struggle with.

    I like the “old fashion” thinking but I love my microwave and computer too!

    Do I need to get rid of my independence to charish my husband?
    Am I too newly married and every couple goes thru this?
    Am I missing the point all together?

    I will continue to keep striving as a new wife and learn.
    :) karen

  6. I hear ya, Karen!! I was 25 when I got married, and on my own for a few years… my first year was frustrating, trying to balance this idea of being the wife that I know God wants me to be, and, well… reality!!

    Stay tuned for my next blog post, though, because I actually am going to be addressing a lot of what you just asked!

    Keep striving, girl… you have the right heart!!

  7. I agree with you. One problem is that modern men are not taught to respect women. Following those guidelines, with a husband who takes you for granted, would be miserable. But, a real man understands that his wife’s role is just as important. He shows her respect, and works hard to take care of her. I believe that women should be VALUED equally, but not treated identically.

  8. Okay.. I completely disagree with you guys! It’s like your worshiping your husband lol like What the %$@? that’s crazy! What happens if he lives you for another woman (happens all the time) that’s more interesting, then a stupid woman that he can walk all over. Ha it’s very funny how you guys think… but whatever its your life.

  9. Paula, a husband & his wife should be devoted fully to each other. I have forsaken all other women for a deep, faithful, God-honoring relationship with my wife. Jesus tells me to love my wife as He loves us. I could never match that, but I understand what He is trying to teach me. God is at the center of our marriage, and we’ve grown closer to Him through our 20 years of marriage. We fully trust each other in every way. I would be the biggest fool to throw this away for another woman…..I will NEVER be that fool.
    I have prayed that God will give you a faithful, godly man someday,and you will keep God at the center of that marriage, where “two become one flesh” in His eyes.
    Please don’t call these women stupid because they are striving to be the wife God wants them to be. They should be honored for defending the beauty of marriage.
    May God bless you & may He open your eyes,
    -Matt

  10. I’m a Christian women and I respect my boyfriend very much– we do plan to wed in the future… he’s made that clear. :)

    But we do not expect each other to bow down and kiss our feet! I respect him, his wishes, his goals, his striving for a better education, and he respects mine as well.

    Honestly, I’d probably want to runaway if I was stuck in the house all day, cleaning and cooking because I was expected to. Don’t get me wrong- I LOVE to clean and cook! As well as produce paintings for the house and decorate. It makes me at ease afterward. But just as well, my boyfriend does too (aside from the art part– he wants to be a director and cinematographer.) We see eye-to-eye on subjects such as those and respect each others independence.

    Personally, I’m proud to not feel dependent and like a Cinderella to my significant other! I think he likes that too.

    Now, what y’all do is completely up to you and your spouse, and I respect that, but I don’t understand why you’d want to live that way.

  11. I agree completely with you! I have seen that list before, and seen it ripped to shreds by a group of women, who claimed I was insane and old fashioned for thinking it was worth striving for. I just found your blog tonight and I am loving it! What a woman after God’s own heart! What an incredible mother you will be! (I got married at 25 and had our first a year later. I am a stay at home mom (former teacher and youth minister) to 3yr old anna and 1 yr old Isaac.) God bless!

  12. Hi Heather and all!

    I love this post of yours, I’ve been perusing the internet for months trying different searches for the ‘modern good wife’ of proverbs 31.

    I am 24, and have been married a year; but I am struggling. I have always believed in the qualities of the old fashioned, stay at home wife and Mum, but I struggle with fitting that into a modern lifestyle. I’d love to be that women, but I just don’t have the energy. We both work, and have a mortgage to keep, like everyone else really. I work in a school, and must admit, go a bit nuts in the holidays when I’m home all the time.

    I’m finding that most of the help and advice is either old-school, slightly Americanised (sorry, but it’s true) home-maker stuff, or super modern feminist!! I try to sit in the middle, as my 29 year old husband does. We both work, so we both do house stuff. But I often find myself comparing who does what, and grudging the half hour earlier I come home - as that means I walk the dogs and sort dinner.

    I’m not complaining, just saying I’m trying to balance this. I’ve always thought that a lot (not all) of my modern minded female accqauintances just don’t seem to realise how much emotional damage we do to the men in our lives. I don’t think it’s fair to say that it’s ok as it’s what most men used to do to women 50 years ago!

    ‘The striving wife’ is a super image. That’s what I’m doing, striving to translate the beautiful women in proverbs 31 into a 21st century diva, Blessing my family in everything I do. Just very slowly, I’m afraid! (I love how we all think of the woman described as beautiful, simply because of what she does - the passage doesn’t say that!)

    Well done everyone, I’d love to learn from others who think this way too, and encourage each other.

    Take care,
    Sarah
    Bristol UK

  13. That’s funny I came across this thing. I actually made a video for my History of the 60s class right before I even read this. Quite funny, and almost a little ironic. Check it out on youtube.com if you’de like. Search: modern-day housewife’s vs. 60s

  14. This is absolutly insane. I read the original article back in high school 10 years ago and thought I’d find it online again as a joke to my friends. I didn’t think I’d find people who actually agree with the thing.

    My website link is a more accurate article on the way I personally think a “Good Wife” should be.

    http://www.zimbio.com/Life+of+.....de+Revised

  15. YOU ARE ALL CRAZY!!!!!!! I want to take care of my husband but I DON’T PLAN ON BEING HIS DOOR-MAT. You are supposed to have an open and honest relationships with your husband, not one where the woman bottels up their emotions, and doesn’t speak!!!! Do you plan on having a life… at all!!! DON’T ASK YOUR HUSBAND QUESTIONS, MAKE SURE HE’S COMFORTABLE… WOW THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU!!! I am thinking maybe you are brain washed or being physically abused, beacause it is the only explanation I can think of. If the woman works all day then she shouldn’t have to come home and act like a slave. I feel sorry for you and you probably don’t even understand why. And news flash MILLIONS of women do think this way, the only reason you are not getting replys from them is because of the website you are on!!!

    YOU ARE ALL INSANE…

  16. (This is in reply to my above post.) I am 16 and I mentioned that I made a video in regards to “The Good Wife’s Guide” written in Times Magazine back in the 50s.

    The movie I made was MAKING FUN OF that guide. . . not encouraging it. Therefore, I am not insane. lol

  17. Back in the 40’s I remember my mom did not work and she did, basically, as the list has specified. In other words, she was trapped like a lab rat!

    In the 50’s the same thing, but my mom got a job selling Avon. She felt independent, but still trapped. She did not drive, but when I aquired my license, I had to help her deliver the orders to each house where other wives were trapped in similar cages.

    I became good friends with a girl whose mother worked, but it was in the late afternoon til midnight. Her husband would be home with the 2 girls and he did the cooking and “yes” he even washed the dishes! Now that was a real man. You do know, “A good man is hard to find”?

  18. I have seen this list before and actually made a copy of it to use as a goal in what I wanted my life to be. I am not saying that I agree with every part of it, but I like the concept. I was in the corporate world for several years and felt trapped. I am now lucky enough (through my husbands hard work at 2 jobs) to be able to stay home with our 2 children and provide a wonderful loving environment for my family. I sometimes believe I was born in the wrong era. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my career, but I wanted to be home raising my family because I feel that is where I should be. Every woman is different, you need to do what is right for you but calling people names because they feel one way or another is just not a nice thing…no matter what your beliefs.

    I am glad I stumbled upon this post as I am going to dig out my copy and reset my goals as I have lost track in the chaos that has found its way into my life lately. Being a good wife, and a good mother can be as stressfull as working outside the home.

  19. Here’s my opinion if it is worth anything. I am grateful for the women who struggled to give the future generations more rights and freedoms. But I am not grateful to those generations who have screwed it up. I look around and see the men of my generation lost. They are still little boys thanks to us women. Either by babying them too much as mothers or by emasculating them as wives/girlfriends. I have a real resentment for my gender for being whiny, pushy, selfish and catty people. I think every woman with a man in her life could read old articles like these and learn from them. You don’t have to copy them to the exact detail, but what is wrong with making the man in your life feel a little special? How does that make you unwomanly in the slightest??? Is he personally taking away all your rights and freedoms by you just giving him the tiniest bit of comfort? I think woman forget how hard men used to work for us. What they sacrificed so that we could stay home and raise our children. Now most of us don’t have a choice. I am a single mom of 2 toddlers, and because the man I was with for 4-5 years was taught to be lazy because his mom had to be miss independent, he would do nothing. He expected me to be the bread winner, the full time mother, and the full time student. I left him, but now it’s the same just without him to “Hold me back” (which in this case he really was, he was also an abuser haha.) I wanted to find some good advice on how to be a good wife today because I’m afraid I don’t know how. I thought this article was nice, and although I won’t religiously live by it, it’s a nice reminder of how you should appreciate your man. I’m sorry that a lot of girls out there don’t feel the same, but I feel really really good when I get cutesy for my guy and make the house nice and make a really good meal. That doesn’t make me feel like I’m robbed of anything. I love adoring my man and how he adores me after I show him that I love him by doing kind things. My grandma was EXACTLY as this article describes a woman from the 50’s. It makes me feel proud that somewhere in my line there was a very selfless and kind lady, and maybe someday (maybe not in the exact same way) I could be more like her, be more selfless and think of others comforts. If there were more people like that in the world, I think it would be a pretty great place.

  20. How wonderful it is to see that I am growing as a wife and God’s daughter. I grew up in Southern California just when all the liberation for women ralley’s, burn your bra’s, and don’t open the door for me ideas made it big. I lived a long time under that theme and it led me to divorce and misery.
    God introduced me to a wonderful man and I continued on the path I’d been taught. 10 years into our marriage almost at another divorce, I came to know Jesus. He regenerated our marriage and taught me how to love, really love my husband. We renewed our vows at church in April.
    Thank you for this forum, other women need to know the truth.

  21. I both agree and disagree with this article.

    I agree, because a wife should always be there for her husband and make him comfortable. This shows love, in my opinion, to show that you think of him.

    I also disagree because women too have to be loved. They should have the right to complain to there husband if their husband complains to them. They should be treating each other like how they want to be treated.

  22. I do agree, especially if you stay home, that you should do everything possible to make the end of the day less-stressful for your partner.

    I think when you stay home that IS your job, and it’s not like your husband doesn’t work hard for nothing. He works hard to put a roof over your family’s head and much, much more.

    So YES, I agree that it can definately be attainable today, especially if it was in the fifties when there were less conveniences as there are now!!!

    The ONLY thing I disagree with is that “his conversations are more important than yours”. I think if there is something pressing or needs to be discussed, then you should feel free to have any conversation with your husband. But of course don’t bombard him daily with your hourly stresses of every day.

    I think it is great to try and provide to your partner, as they also try very hard to provide for you.

  23. I’ve been trying most of this out with my guy and while the kids enjoy it and things seem to be running extremely smooth it doesn’t seem that my guy could care less. He still does the same thing he’s always done, sits down and play video games once he gets home. It’s kind of frustrating. I would love some advice if any of you have it, anything that has made your homes more nice.

  24. Wow, I’m amazed at how much controversy this article continues to stir up! :)

    As I reread the original article from the 1950’s, I have the same feelings toward it - some of these suggestions might seem “over the top”, but goodness, wouldn’t our husbands appreciate these gestures? After reading “The Husband Project,” “Love & Respect,” “The Five Love Languages,” “A Wife After God’s Own Heart,” & others like it, they all seem to suggest doing these same things to show our love and respect to our husbands!

    Again, this is not an absolutely perfect, up-to-date version of what a wife today should look like (if so, it would include things like making sure you’re off Twitter and Facebook before your husband comes home!), and it obviously doesn’t take into account women who work outside the home… but look at the heart of this list, especially compared to the heart of the “new” list…

    Would a Striving Wife need to drink cocktails in order to “appear” happy for her husband? Or would a Striving Wife make every effort to keep her husband stress-free as he enters the home after a hard day’s work?

    On hot days when my husband bikes home from work, I know he appreciates when I have sliced watermelon or a cold drink waiting for him. Or when I don’t pepper him with questions or complaints the moment he walks through the door.

    Take this list, not verbatim, but see how you can take and apply them to YOUR life, today. Do one a day, and it’s almost like doing “The Husband Project” or “The Love Dare.” :)

    Keep on Striving… & keep these comments coming!! :)

    ~Heather :)

    PS - Stephanie… it could just be that your guy needs that detox time after work! “The Husband Project” is a book that gives suggestions like that - freeing him up to be able to spend 1/2 hour or so after work with nothing to do except what HE wants to do, whether it’s sitting in front of the TV or video games, or (if you’re a lucky one) talking for a few minutes with you. It may help him de-stress… which benefits YOU later one. By not bombarding him with things to do as he walks through the door, you’re helping him to relax from his day. Don’t be disheartened, but keep on striving! Sounds like you’re doing a great job!

  25. Paula: In simple words; your not quite bright. I have a strong feeling most men aren’t half the man you are.

    Priscilla: The Church depends on Jesus. Marriage is a blatant picture of Jesus (Man) and The Church (Woman). Dependency is important for all people, and dependency is easily synonymous with accountability. While independence can be easily defined by pride. A life of independence is a life of pride and life without accountability.

    PS: Men should be held to a standard twice as high as this, so it’s no cop out on them. So that can’t even be an angle of argument.

    Heather: Excellent post! Jason’s a winner, and you’re a treasure! Praise Jesus.

  26. Heather:
    When I say all he does is video games, I mean it. From the time he gets home til I go to bed at midnight that’s all he does. I don’t bother him with anything except that dinner is done.

  27. Hi all, I’ve been keeping up on all the comments here for awhile now, everyone keeps looking at this list. Let’s focus on the “Word” Proverbs 31. That wife, not so modern they keep saying, is in balance.
    She cares for her family, the house, the household affairs. She is also a talented and shrewed business woman. She saves and invests, owns property and this is all outside of her husbands affairs. Because of this balance, of dependence on her husband and God for the leadership, and the independance to make sound choices, it says she is praised by her husband! What’s that? Respect!

    She is praised due to her behavior, deeds and fear of the Lord!
    God says that we were created to be man’s help mate. Then he says we are to respect our husbands.

    It’s all about balance! If our focus remains on the Lord and we do what he says, all this list will go away and we will be left with being the Proverbs 31 wife we are all striving to be.

    After spending 12 years doing it all my way as a “woman liberated” and then Yes, submitting, and doing it God’s way, I am so blessed and my husband and I are more in love and I am more liberated then ever!
    Praise God and his Word! Blessings to all of you!! Wendy Kay

  28. I agree with most of the stuff in the guide, but i dont think wives should just let their husbands walk all over them. If your husband comes home and is all stressed from the day i still think you should respect that he’s had a rough day, but i dnt think you should drop everything just to cater to him. I would stop to ask him about his day and maybe help him with something, and then go on with my tasks. I am not saying that you guys are crazy, or insane because that would just be rude! Im only 16 but i believe what the bible says about wives respecting their husbands (i believe everything else in there as well!!)but i dnt think that means going to the extreme! Still, there are a lot of good points though!

    Melissa :]

  29. The caveat here is that you need a great man to be a great wife! A stong husband will work just as hard if not harder to make sure she is happy. When both of us are working toward pleasing one another, there is not stronger relationship in the world. If you asked me during my first marriage if this was outdated, I would have been the first to say that this list is insane! However, it’s only insane if you have a weak man who will take advantage of his wife. Otherwise, it will bring you to a relationship that most people assume is fiction!

  30. I don’t care if people think I’m crazy but I LOVE this article. I am just happy that I’m not alone in thinking that. I can’t accomodate all of these guidelines as I’m not afforded the same stay at home opportunity since society/economy has made it hard for 1 income to provide for a family. But to the best of my abilities, I work towards achieving all of these. Thanks for this blog. It really helps to know others feel that these guidelines are something good :)The Guidelines for a Good Housewife (1950’s style) ROCKS!!!

  31. men want to come home to a peaceful home
    a peaceful wife
    a peaceful life

    …otherwise we’ll stay at work
    …or go hang out in the garage

    it’s up to you ladies.

  32. What I find interesting is that ALL of the wives and mothers that I know, myself included, who have happy marriages and families do what is outlined in that article for the most part. I am NOT a whimpy doormat of a wife, nor are my friends and family but we take care of our families and strive to make our homes a pleasant place for our husbands, children and ourselves. We just don’t think of it in those terms of submitting, etc. It all boils down to the same thing though and admit it or not gals if you have a happy marriage and a real man, he’s the head of the household. That does not mean that we are not valued or that we are not part of the household decision making process, we are. AND if you have a happy marriage your husband honors you as well and appreciates and values all you do as we appreciate and value what they do. It’s a two-way street and how we all divide up the responsibilities of the home depend upon what makes that couple happy and comfortable according to their abilities and work schedules because, yes, many of us need to work. Enjoy your role as wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter… and know that you ARE valued by your families, friends and communities because what more important job is there?

    Best wishes to you all,

    Annette
    (married 18 years w/ 2 wonderful teenagers — goes by fast!)

  33. I agree with you completely. I have longed to find a significant other that behaves in a similar manner to that of a housewife from the 1950s.

  34. I believe in that article, and the few tricks I have consciously applied,have given me amazing results! (Never knew what makes my husband happy, was always on the wrong side, he threatened divorce a few months into our marriage, He is a crazy one sometimes) Am still striving, Heather, please pray with me, I know u will. I am from Uganda and our men are so like that, so to love Him, u have to go all the way thru that list, especially my husband, in my 1st year of marriage, it was the most painful, coz i never knew any of these things but God is steadily helping me out with articles like these and am also reading a book: Fascinating womanhood. It is a God sent book I tell u, thank u and God bless u, keep them coming, i mean the articles. I love u, thank God for u, and, u are my example out here. Funny, that same bug is infecting Uganda as well, gals and women alike are on rampage!!!!!!!!!! God help us!!!!! Amen

  35. I completely agree with these guidelines! I am a working woman who has been married for almost 8 years now. I believe this is how a woman should be. I just wish I could find more reading material on it. If anyone has more suggestions I would greatly appreciate it. God Bless!

  36. Danielle, This comment is for you and anyone else who feels the way you do. Check out the book: Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin. If you get this book you want a copy dated no later than the 70’s. After that the ideas in it get modernized and it waters down the original principles. The book is awsome and the attitudes and behaviors in it really work! It will change you and your attitudes.

    It’s all about being a woman. Very scriptural as well. Hope you get one, you’ll be glad you did, and so will your husband.
    Enjoy, and it’s good to be on this path with a fellow hope seeker.
    God bless you as well!
    wendy

  37. Hi ladi’s…..
    I completely believe that IF a Woman so chooses to be a Happy and Submissive housewife that she has MADE A CHOICE! This day in age there are no “rules” set to force any woman into behaving in any one way (even if I truly believe it is the correct way.
    I married my Husband at the age of 19. We have 4 beautiful and well educated children who have a firm belief system and are proud of who they are both the boys and girls. My husband and I decided TOGETHER that I would be a Home Maker. i have a nursing degree, so finding work was not an issue. After our 2nd child was born I attempted to return to work. I hated it! I missed my family, my home, my home made meal and yes… I even missed my neatly folded laundry and fresh smelling, pressed blouses. Roughly 2 hours into my first “Shift” back to work in over 2 years, I broke down crying, called my best friend (also a house wife) and she said the wisest thing I had ever heard from anyone aside from my folks and husband….. “Krissie, JD loves you so very much. He would NEVER force you to work. He wants you home just as much as you want to be home.” She continued with “Besides that Krissie….. Do you really want some person you barely know RAISING your children? Teaching your Girls that Work is MORE important than family and home? Teaching your sons that Money is more important than family and home? I know what you want Krissie, You are a STRONG and brilliant woman who wants your family, to be just that….. A FAMILY! GO HOME MOMMY!!!”
    I immediately called my Husband. I was still crying and barely able to mutter “I miss you guys and I love you guys I wanna….” My Husband cut me off to say “I love you too darlin, and the kids love you too. We miss you and we WANT you home.”
    I asked my husband if he would PLEASE call the Nursing Director at the home I was working b/c I just didn’t have the nerve to look that man in the eye and “Put down the Law”. My husband, without hesitation, said “Oh baby, Of course I will call him. Get your handbag and wait out front, I’m on my way to get you.” He called the “Boss”, then went too get our babies from daycare so they could be with him when he picked me up. It was the happiest moment of that day for me, to know JD had “handled” everything and was coming to my “rescue”. I’ll never forget JD’s wonderfulness that day (He’s ALWAYS Wonderful, but this time was particularly special to me). Although I had only been at “work” roughly 2 hours, my Dear Husband Drove me away from that horrid place, asking me “Where do I take my wonderful bride for lunch today? What’s your fancy?”
    I turned to him, without missing a beat “Awe shuggar….. Can you take me by the market? I want to make home made Chicken and Noodles for you. I know it’s your favorite and I want to thank you for ’saving’ me.”
    He took my hand in his and replied “It’s my job to protect and take care of you and our kiddos babe. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you guys.”
    Now, I know this has been quite detailed, but I am showing that being a “good Wife” does NOT demean me, as a woman…. It actually makes me feel that much better about myself. My husband treats me wonderfully, he is an amazing provider, wonderful father and great husband. His unconditional love and support is so much more than I could have ever dreamed to have in my life. I “Gave” myself to him completely…. Not because I HAD to, but because I wanted (and still want) to do so.
    I see nothing wrong with looking my best, being an amazing mother, outstanding wife, terrific housekeeper and cook. I figured “Why would I want to work, even in ‘nursing’, and by association GIVE MYSELF over to a job when I can put that energy and dedication into my family….”
    My CHOOSING (With my husband’s help and support) to be a “Good Wife” has made me a better person, a better mother, a better wife, a better woman overall.
    I know that in today’s society a 2 income family is considered “Normal” and even “Necessary”…. If it makes you happy, makes your family happy…. who am I to stand in your way or judge you for it…. HOWEVER, on that same note! What makes it ok for a “Career or Independent Woman” to judge US, the women behind the Men, the women who Stitch the Quilt of family. I, WE, will not judge those of you who choose to allow your freedoms and independence to be first. We will state our opinions on home and family (just as you do), we will continue to strive for our personal best and do all in our power to build stronger families. For this, you should be happy, for this you should be proud…. Look at it this way, I (WE are) raising our girls to respect men, themselves their families and homes. Raising our girls to be mothers and caretakers. Teaching them to respect your sons and take care of your sons and grandchildren well. Raising our Sons to treat your daughters with respect and love, to value your girls as women and life mates. Raising our sons to work hard to support your daughters and grandchildren and dedicate themselves to being LOYAL, kind, supportive, understanding and Strong Men.
    I feel as though I am leaving a legacy behind of truly Happy Family, Honest and devoted spouses, loving and dedicated parents.
    I am raising my children to respect themselves AND OTHERS, be they male, female, grown or child.
    As I watch my friends’(and other people’s) marriages fail; husbands and wives carry on affairs, cheep flings and disrespect the very foundation of marriage I thank God daily (multiple times honestly) that, we… My husband and I do Not and Will Never have to suffer those pains, lies, deceit.
    As I watch children at the supermarket, school, restaurants and even church disrespect their families, teachers, other parishioners…. I think How blessed my family has been to have me home, nurturing and teaching our children who they are and how to be respectful and diligent in all they do. I shed tears of joy with every compliment (and I get many) in reference to how well behaved, respectful, kind, considerate and loving (the list goes on) my children are. I think to myself “I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo thankful I have a supportive and loving husband who understands and embraces the value of a “Stay at Home Mom/Wife”.
    I see not one thing wrong or “Degrading” about preparing a delicious meal for my husband and children who have had a hard and long day at work and school. I am proud to bring my husband his fav drink while our children color quietly in the front room, or play nicely with one another in the play room. I love taking Home Baked/Made foods to my Husband and his co-workers in the middle of a hot, hard day. I have even heard other husbands ask their wives “why can’t you just take some of Krissie’s advice? She makes JD so happy.” As silly (and I suppose somewhat conceited) as it may sound, it simply reinforces my already firm views and ideals.
    I have a hard time believing this day in age that many “good Wives” feel like “door Mats”. I’m sure there are some women out there who feel “forced” into home making, house wivery, mothering….. However, I firmly feel that the vast majority of “Good Wives” have made a CHOICE to be so. I believe that we, our special “sisterhood” in striving for the Best us we can possibly be, provide and accomplish a sense of renewed and revised Family Unit. I believe that We are leading the way in a NEW and much NEEDED “Movement”, The movement of FAMILY, morals, devotion, happiness… the list goes on and on. I KNOW in my heart of hearts that being a “Good wife” is of absolute importance to those of us who CHOOSE to be so.
    I would never attempt to set the “Feminist Movement” back any number of years. (Now, don’t get me wrong, I do not believe that feminism is the path to true happiness, but again, that is solely my personal opinion) However, I so wish that others would NOT attempt to set back the “Family Movement” either. And to me, and many of my “Sisters in Family and Home” believe that being a “Good Wife” is just the first step in creating a much stronger family unit, as such strengthening the “Family Movement”
    I do not feel “Beneath” my husband, or any man for that matter. I feel revered and admired, loved and protected. I feel like a respected member of my family. It gives me great pleasure and reward to wake to a happy husband leaving for work (which, by the way, he is no office exec, no desk, no fancy cars, he drives an end dump for a local FAMILY owned company. We do have hard times, we do work hard and we do deal with sacrifices surrounding Seasonal layoff and other such issues, so no… I am no spoiled woman.) happy to go out into the world no matter how hot or cold in his drafty truck, in order to provide for us. It makes me happy that our children and I are the inspiration in his life. I am blessed to have him walk in the door every day right after work, no bars, no women, no drinking or drugging. I am happy to hand him a cold drink, a warm dinner, a fresh baked desert. It touches my heart that after a long, hard and often frustrating day he is looking forward to seeing our children and myself, he WANTS to come home and be with us. Knowing that our family is #1 to him, makes this entire life better, no matter what is going on. I love making him and our children #1 to me. It is so rewarding to know that when my husband and children look at me, they could not imagine any other woman in my place. For that I am eternally thankful and will give my ALL.
    It is not beneath me to serve my family, I am not used, abused, taken advantage of, disrespected or taken for granted. I am loved and trusted and wanted.
    And I love to be the “woman behind the man” so to speak…..
    With my warmest regards~
    Krissie

  38. YESSSSS. COMPLEATLY AGREE! The Bible makes it clear SUBMIT TO YOUR OWN HUSBAND. The things mentioned in this list are great pointers, and it’s a shame that now days the man is so degreaded. No wonder why “their man” wants to come home and stare at the t.v when he has worked all day and comes home to a drunk wife, with an attitude, and no dinner. It takes a man to follow the Word lead his family, love his wife, and a wife to love, honor and respect her husband for a marriage to work. ANd just because one is not doing thier part doesnt mena your off the hook. Pray start doing what you are to do and I’m pretty sure the other will follow God willing.

  39. I agree. Im 23 years old, married for a year. I am so lucky to have my husband and he works so hard for our family. Most of the time he is away for work for months at a time while I care for our 4 month old boy. When he is home though It is always in a nice, pleasant, warm and loving environment. Its not that I am being submissive, we have an equal relationship - It is just that I know he works so hard for us all. I have my family and friends here while he goes away on the sea with many people he has never met every couple of months for months at a time. He also left his family overseas to come stay in my country with me :) He has sacraficed so much for me and I like being able to show how grateful I am for everything he does for us.

  40. I’m not 100% sure how I feel about this subject, but I do think that I can bring a fresh take on things. First off, my husband and I are not Christian. Please respect our religious views as we respect yours. And this is also where my “fresh take” is coming from. I don’t know if it possible for a woman to do everything on that list every day. But I really do agree that most of those things are wonderful things to strive for. I have always considered myself to be a “true” feminist– I want to be respected for doing the womanly, housewifey, mothering things that I do. I think that equal respect goes a long way. I think that my husband and I have a fairly equal relationship and way of life. He is serving in the Navy, so I am often home with just the kiddo for weeks or months at a time. And let me tell you, I appreciate him so much more because of those separations. I am currently a “work from home mom.” I make jewelry (my hubby loves to do this too) and sell online. Having something to do besides housework is important to me. I’m also finishing my English degree so that I can take on proofreading and editing jobs from home as well. While I appreciate my husband being the breadwinner, it makes me happy and proud to be able to contribute to the family funds in a small way.
    My husband respects and appreciates me for what I do, as I do for him. I think that respect and appreciation means so much more to a relationship than anything else. Open and honest communication must also be a staple in a healthy relationship. I don’t think that the women who want to define themselves outside of their marriage is a bad thing. But I do think that both partners must be in agreement for this to work.
    Like I said, we are not Christian, so I am unsure of the biblical references. But I think all of that aside, when both partners are striving to make the other happy instead of focusing on themselves goes a long way in establishing a healthy, working, loving relationship.

  41. I can agree with parts of “The Good Wife” and definitely disagree with others. To me it boils down to personal ideas of respect.

    My husband and I are a partnership. I would no more submit to him than I would expect him to submit to me, we are equals and we treat each other as such. I do love providing a comfortable home for both of us and our kids and I love putting a smile on his face. However, that goes both ways. He equally goes out of his way to make sure I am kept perfectly happy in every way, shape and form. He loves providing for me and the kids.

    We both work outside of the home and we both share the domestic chores just as we shared the raising of our kids.

    He would never expect me to suppress my emotions, needs or wants in favor of his just because he’s a man. If I’ve had a really bad day, he would want me to tell him about it as soon as he gets home. He would want to do what ever he could to make it better and if I just kept it to myself he would feel like I had no faith in him.

    As he says, he has a wonder mother, when he decided to get married he wanted a partner to go through life with, not another mother to take care of him.

    For us and our marriage of 29 years, it boils down to each of us are no more important than the other. Together we make up a unit that is glorious in God’s eyes and each day brings us closer to each other and closer to God. We still get giddy at the thought of coming home to each other and we still celebrate our marriage one month at a time, 29 years later. So I’d say something is working out right.

  42. My wife tries to do some of this and it brings me happiness. I, in turn, give her a lot of latitude and help her pursue her dreams.

    Ladies, follow this. It WORKS!

  43. Hello Everyone,

    I came across your website and I was glad to know that there are still American women who truly want to be homemakers. I have been praying and seeking for a real godly christian wife for 27 years, but have not found one yet. I know plenty of family members and friends who have been burned emotionally and financially by women, christian and non-christian, who have lost almost everything from divorce which makes me very, very gunshy of marrying an American woman. I would appreciate any suggestions on courtship websites and places to meet real christian single women who want a marriage based on the word of God and not the ideas of the world. I am ready emtionally and financially to provide a loving and godly home for my future wife and to love her as Christ loves the church.

    God Bless You

    Perry

  44. It is partly correct and partly incorrect. My question to you will be - have you ever been a working woman? If yes, then you will automatically be able to understand that if rules for women have changed then men have to adapt and change too. We are not in the era where one income will do it. Women have to work - so they have taken a huge chunk of man’s responsibility on their shoulders - not out of choice but out of the need to keep the lifestyle. Men need to change some of their expectations accordingly. If they think that we women will earn also, make fab meals, take care of the kids, be a soccer mother, clean, launder and still take off their shoes…….I would simply say good luck. That however does not mean that women should not be loving and respectful towards their husbands. But men need to be more understanding and loving now. Women have changed tremendously and men have not changed proportionally. Hence all these issues.

    Also, most women would like to have the option of staying home and raising kids including me - although I am highly educated with Masters and working for 5 years. I am proud of being productive. I want to stay home with kids but have a business or something of my own. Be productive. Lot of these house wives just watch TV and Oprah or in the evenings American Idol - that is NOT spending time with your kids and families. Be honest to yourself.

  45. I’ve been enjoying watching this conversation unfold, but I’d like to interject some thoughts real quick…

    First, I appreciate all the comments, both positive AND negative. Everyone is certainly entitled to their own opinions!

    Jess - Unfortunately, we don’t all have great men… but God still wants us to be great wives, regardless! & you never know, by striving to be the wife God calls us to be, it may change our husbands into GREAT husbands! (Definitely worth trying… & if he doesn’t change, at least you’re being obedient to God!)

    Kelli - A loving, healthy relationship will follow these same principles regardless of whether you’re a Christian or not. It sounds like you’ve struck a great balance! I LOVE that you call yourself a “feminist” - for being a housewife and a mother!! It’s so true!

    Katie - You said, “It’s not that I’m being submissive” …well, there’s nothing wrong with being submissive! So many women think it’s a bad thing, but it’s actually a GREAT thing!

    Sonya - I am currently a working woman, & yes it is DEFINITELY hard and my husband is wonderful… he takes on a lot of the housework while I’m at work so that all I have to do is take care of dinner and the baby when I come home. BUT, he is also striving to cover both of our incomes himself so that I CAN stay home! I don’t think the problem is with men these days… I think the problem is trying to live a lifestyle that we can’t afford! We’ve decided, as a family, that it’s worth some sacrifices for one of us to be able to stay home with our children… so that’s what we’re working for right now!

    To all the men who have left comments: THANK YOU for your input! If you’re looking for a wife like this, you’ll most likely find her in a church! :) & if you HAVE a wife like this… TREASURE HER! :)

    Thanks again for all your input… keep it coming!!

    Heather :)

  46. I submit to my husband. That is my CHOICE and my job in life. No one can say it is not feminist.

    For me, what really matters is family and God. My husband is my lord and master. I submit to my husband as he submits to God. I actually am respected more for this choice. What is IRONIC is that since my husband is sole breadwinner he works a lot. Hence, I am the one managing the house, resources and budgets. The irony is that many women see submitting as a surrender of power when in fact it gives you more responsiblities and management experience than I ever had in an outside job.

    God says submit. It is NOT the easier path. It is the right path.

  47. There is an article from the same time period about how to be a good husband. It includes how to love her, respect her, take her opinion as something worth as much or more than yours, etc. If you read both side by side, the articles are more about loving and respecting each other and living in harmony than anything else. Just as a woman shouldn’t barrage her husband with a million things when he gets home from work, a man should not neglect to ask his wife about her day, and listen to and solve her problems. If a man was a good husband, then following these tips would be so easy.

  48. Wow, Aurora, I didn’t know there was a guy’s version! I’ll have to look that one up! Thanks! (And I totally agree!)

    Heather :)

  49. I think it can be noted that many people struggle with putting another’s (in his case husband) needs before their own, and furthermore expecting another (again, husband) to meet their expectations. I think this is why women get so upset with the line ‘his topics of conversation are more important than your own’. Well, in my opinion, my man’s topics are more important than mine, because I love him and care deeply for his peace of being. But men aren’t off the hook either. I believe communication is the key, they should be believing that our topics our more important than theirs and and strive to give us a peaceful home, and relationship. his way all areas are covered. It doesn’t work if one is being selfish and the other selfless, both need to support the betterment of each other, and that involves putting the other before oneself. We’ve got it easy anyway, what about when there were no washing machines, or electricity for that matter? I think a little too easy for some…

  50. The problem here is that you’re stupid. You couldn’t handle a real job so you stay at home. You think being a good wife is being submissive but the truth is your husband will soon get bored. He doesn’t want a dog that listens. Who cares about what the bible says. If you listened to everything the bible says you wouldn’t use birth control. This is the time for women and people like you are ruining it. My fiance and I are equal and we both take care of our home and cook. We both work hard jobs and still have the engery for eachother. If you feel like you’re running out of energy, maybe speed can help you. This is an insult to all women that are fighting for our rights. We don’t live in the 50s and we don’t want to go back there. Is this what you do all day? Post your horrible advice? You should get back to your housework. You want these other women to make you feel better about your decision of becoming a housewife. Try growing a backbone.

  51. Wow… I would say “Thanks for your honesty” to the writer of this latest comment, but since there is no name given and no real email address either, “Thanks for your opinion” will have to suffice.

    Quite frankly, I’m saddened to see that the heart of what I wrote was completely missed. Of course, I’m not surprised, since the author of this comment is clearly not a Christian. She does not hold the Bible, God’s Word, to be of any value, so the principles given in His Word mean nothing.

    I do find it ironic that this woman calls my blog and this post “an insult to all women that are fighting for our rights” when there are several insults directed toward me and other women who choose to submit to, respect, and care for their husbands and home.

    If anyone else has an opinion regarding this comment, other comments, or this post, I would love to hear them, but I would ask you to be respectful and not rude. Thanks!

    Keep on Striving,

    Heather :)

  52. Heather, thank you so much for the forum on this subject. I have been married over 17 years now. We raised a combined family with 4 troubled kids. My husband and I are both US Navy veterans. Until recently I always worked outside the home and thought as some of these people thought, that if you were at home by choice…then you were lazy, watching tv and no ambition or help to your husband.
    I, in February, with my husband’s blessings chose to quit my outside job and focus on him, our home and several ministry interests. It has been the best time ever! I work harder now than I ever did outside the home. My husband is so happy and relaxed, he loves to see all the projects I get into and the creativity in our home.
    My attitude has improved so much, as far as feminist? I have been an Aviation Ordnanceman in the United States Navy, I have driven Semi trucks cross-country, I have been a Realtor in a busy California city. I have enjoyed and benefited from all those things, but…I have never been more feminine and complete than I am right now, called by God to be His ambassador of love and Wife and Mother and Grandmother.
    and by the way…you don’t have to sign your name to your email, God knows who you are…God bless you and your efforts, after all…You made it to this blog right?
    Blessings, Wendy

  53. I very seldom read (much less respond) to these things, but my husband saw your “twitter” (and I still needed his help finding the specific post :) Anyway, I understand where the writer was coming from, but I may have some insights worth posting:

    Perhaps this list of “rules” puts people off because if it’s a rule, it’s viewed as not appreciated. Not every woman washed Jesus’ feet with their hair… He appreciated the gesture of the one who did. He also spent long hours discussing things with Mary and Martha in their home. He didn’t seem to segregate himself from women at all, but showed them respect as well. Deborah was even a judge in her day!

    I do things for my husband not because I’m following some set of rules or because I see it as my “role” to keep the house quiet and stress-free; but to show him my love for him. If he begins to have a sense of entitlement to it; my gift is no longer a gift.

    My grandmother followed these rules, and although they’ve celebrated more than 50yrs of marriage, it has not been without much turmoil. Although she would never have told us; he cheated, was an abusive alcoholic, and had a very poor relationship with his children… until one of them passed away as a young adult and he realized he had no idea who his kids were. Many children raised during the time this was written have surface relationships with their fathers. Being the head of a “household” means they are IN the household and know what’s going on.

    I work too, at times more hours than my husband, and sometimes find it a relief to go to work… with people who understand reason and logic. Likewise, my husband has specifically told me that he “is thankful for the times he stays home with the kids” because it gives him “a better appreciation for what I go through each day,” and has on multiple occasions told me that my “job” at home is much harder than his. Being a stay-at-home-mom is often a much more grueling job than going to work each day!

    I absolutely agree that the husband is the head of the household and before God has been given the responsibility and authority over his family! When disagreements occur, my husband always has the final say. That being said, we both are free to voice our opinions on the issue. I am not made to feel as though I need to wait for an invitation to do so.

    I have watched a marriage very close to me fail when the wife didn’t voice opinion of the husband’s wrongdoings, but rather, to keep from complaining, would change the topic or do something to make him more comfortable. Ultimately, she ended up having Biblical reason for divorce and still maintained an attempt to work things out, but he ended the marriage.

    A friends mother, a pastor’s wife, had rules such as these imposed on her under the pretense that it was her “role”- after many, many years of faithfully following them, she ended up committing suicide.

    These are examples of 3 very, very real situations.

    I would NOT go as far as to say that marriage is a 50/50 partnership by any means, but a wife’s role should not be demeaned by insinuating that her concerns are not important enough to voice… even down to having the house quiet without dishwasher noise or children making noise. My husband thoroughly enjoys seeing his children run up to him and tell him about their day. He comes home to lunch each day- not only to see his family and give his wife a break with 2 adults in the house for a little while; but also to hear his children’s “noise”.

    It may be interesting to see the “husbands” list spoken of in a previous comment.

    Ultimately I would see this list more as possible “suggestions” on ways to make your husband’s day- good suggestions- but not as “rules” we must strive to follow on a daily basis.

    P.S.- Ironically enough, I just read through this response with my husband to get his take on it… Exactly what I’m talking about :)

    Be blessed and thanks for listening!!

  54. I typically do not comment on blogs, but this particular discussion will not leave my mind.

    First of all, thank you Heather for sparking such a lively conversation! Obviously, there are strong feelings on this topic from all the different walks of womanly life.

    I love heated debates and believe that they should be a part of everyone’s lives to keep people sharp and keep them thinking about where they stand in their lives. Debates should include opinions, views, questions, answers, opposition, objections, and explanations from all locations on the topic’s spectrum and from both sides of the fence (even from those on the fence!). However, debates should not include defensiveness, insults and name-calling. These negative aspects that often arise in debates are poisionous and show a lack of respect, understanding and acceptance of other’s ideas by that particular party. Debaters DO NOT need to agree, but they should be open and respectful to all involved with a willingness to gain understanding of other’s perspectives.

    Having said that, I also want to state that I don’t believe Heather’s intention in this post was to personally attack any one person’s belief system or life decision. I believe that she found the tips for a 1950’s wife helpful in her personal life and wanted to share those ideas with other in hopes that marriages and relationships would be grown and improved. (Correct me if I’m wrong, of course, Heather!) She also, in no way, attacked working women or glorified stay-at-home mothers. Heather was focusing on ways in which we can check our selfish attitudes at the door and truly serve our partners!

    All God speak and religion aside, I think EVERYONE can benefit from the idea of service. Relationships, friendships, marriages would all benefit from each individual putting the needs of their partner before their own needs. My husband and I try to ‘out-serve’ each other on a daily basis and it fosters an environment of love and respect that I didn’t know could exist in a marriage! Regardless of the kind of relationship in question, each individual should be striving to give 100%. Not 50/50, not 80/20, but 100%. That way if one person is having an off day and is only able to provide 75%, the other partner, still striving for 100%, will create an atmosphere with a combined total of 175% service and effort put forth in the relationship that day. I hope that makes sense. It makes sense in my life, and with my husband.

    Moving on, even though this discussion did not start out as a working woman vs. stay-at-home mother debate, I would like to address the topic from my point of view.

    I personally am a new mother and decided to stay at home with my son when he was born. I worked for 6 years as a teacher at a K-12 school with before and after care, and then at a preschool/K. What I witnessed during my years of teaching was that in more cases than not, when both parents of a student had full-time jobs, I saw their children significantly more than the parents did. I knew their children better than they did. They had to ask me questions about their own children. I saw a lot of children starving for time with their own parents.

    Because of these experiences, I decided I wanted to be the one who knew my son best. I decided that instead of asking a caregiver how my child’s day was, I was going to be there to witness every milestone, every tear, every smile, every minute of my precious baby’s life! I made an educated decision to do what I thought was best for my family and my situation in life. I do not regret that decision for one minute, and never will. I still love teaching, but now I have just one, very special student that I will teach everything he needs to know about life.

    Now, that being said, I understand that everyone reading this blog/post is not in this place in their life or may not agree with my decision. I respect that and would love to hear other women’s reasons for being stay-at-home mothers, working mothers, or simply independent working women.

    It feels great to get my ideas written down for other thinking and grappling women to hear/read. Thanks for listening.

    As an ending thought, I would like to say that all the women here expressing their ideas in a respectful manner show true thought, character and backbone by being able to look introspectively at their lives and try to figure things out in a way that works best for them.

    To those who anonymously bash the ideas of others because they are uncomfortable with different ideas - coincidentally, you need to educate yourself and grow a back bone.

  55. Yes, in an ideal world I think this is a beautiful list..minus a couple of sentences or so. You must have had a really good, loving Father.. My heart would love to fully embrace this, truly. But admittedly, I understand why some women chafe. Particularly when life has required her to work all day long..not because she necessarily wanted to be career-DRIVEN crazy lady, but because she forced to do so. That being said, I certainly do NOT embrace the second list..reverse sexism isn’t the answer either.

    Honestly, I think that even compared to the Proverbs 31 woman, during the 50’s, there was a movement toward wives becoming the beautiful servant in heels. While I certainly believe that our husbands deserve respect and honor and are the most important person in our world,as well as our spiritual leaders..but they are also called to be servant leaders. “Love your wives as Christ loved the church.” I do not feel that is the only purpose that a woman, not ONLY a wife, has. A man should be the King in his home, yes. However, let’s not forget that the Lady of the House, is also, in fact..a Queen.

  56. This is terrible. So you basically think women are supposed to be servants for their husbands? This is disgusting. Go out and get a life, and maybe ask your husband to bow down to you for a change. Reading this post made me realize how backwards and old fashioned some people still are. I am a strong woman with goals and ambitions and will not be a slave to some man. .

    You probably tell your daughters that they shouldn’t have dreams or goals in life because their only use is to have babies. Wow, you couldn’t be more wrong. I am just so deeply saddened by reading this. Your daughters could go out and change the world but no, you want them to wait on men. GROSS.

    Marriages fail when women are like “oh, I don’t matter, I’m just a woman”. It’s 50/50 partnership. If the guy doesn’t want to do anything for you, then don’t do anything for him. You’re not a damn slave! Do something with your life! UGH! I just want to throw up.

  57. Marita-
    Both of my parents and my mother-in-law are schoolteachers and I have spent time substituting. I completely see your point about many kids spending more time with their teachers than their parents!

    I find myself to be both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. Before kids, both my husband and I worked full-time. We now have a 2yr old and a 3yr old and are thankful to say that we have another blessing coming the end of this year. We have made sacrifices and cut corners to keep from having to work as often, but financially, I am unable to stay home all the time.

    I am blessed to have a job that allows me to work part-time nights a few days/wk while the kids are asleep so I can spend as much time with them as possible during the day, but still get home in time to be home during part of the night with my husband. In addition, my husband works close to home and comes home everyday for his lunch hour. Where most families have dinnertime as their family mealtime, we have family lunches. That way if we end up getting dinnertime together, we get two :) Until my husbands hours of work changed making him go in earlier, we used to all eat breakfast together as well.

    The kids have never been in daycare or anything other than the church nursery (where we were one of the sets of “teachers”). That being said, this summer I have been picking up a couple of full shifts/wk to help with preparations for a new baby. During this time, my husband stays home with them (or my mother-in-law comes for a visit). My husband enjoys the alone-time he gets with them as well.

    I also plan on homeschooling the kids and have begun little mini-lesson plans with them. It is such a joy to watch them sound out words and see the “light bulb go off” in their heads as they get a new concept. Both of them knew their letters and their sounds before they were talking and my daughter does simple addition/subtraction… it’s a blast! We have a general rule of the house that the kids only get 1 video a day and that’s it (usually VeggieTales, Max Locado’s Hermie/Wormie, or WordWorld… or daddy playing “Mario” :), so it forces us to enjoy each other’s company. It also teaches them to occupy themselves if mommy has some household chores that need to be done (if they aren’t helping me with them)

    Anyway, that’s how it’s broken down in our household, and why I call myself both a stay-at-home mom and a working mom :)

  58. Loving all these long replies! :)

    Marita - You are definitely right in my intentions! :) I happen to be a working mom who strongly desires to be a stay-at-home mom… which will happen hopefully soon, whenever we can financially afford it (working on that one!).

    Sarah - You rock :)

    ***For the record, I would like to state that I have a wonderful, loving husband who does NOT demand servitude from me… I willingly submit to him & serve him out of my love and respect for him.

    That said (which I know I’ve said before) …. I’m still amazed that people have no idea what this whole blog and conversation is about!

    Britt… really? “So you basically think women are supposed to be servants for their husbands?” Nope, I don’t!

    “You probably tell your daughters that they shouldn’t have dreams or goals in life because their only use is to have babies.” Mmm, nope… God created all of us with a purpose and a plan, & I hope that my children will live to discover whatever that is. If it’s to have babies, so be it. If it’s to be a doctor, so be it.

    “It’s 50/50 partnership.” I’d have to disagree with you there… it’s like what Marita said… it’s 100% from both sides.

    Thanks for the comments… I’d like to once again remind everyone to keep it kind & respectful (even if you disagree… there are civil ways to disagree without insulting or namecalling).

    Keep the comments coming… & keep on striving!

    Heather :)

  59. I am at wrok and unable to read all of the comments, so forgive me if I repeat what someone else has written.

    I agree with just about EVERYTHING in that housekeeping article. What I don’t agree with are the statements that say his opinion is more important than my own. My opinion is just as important, but there is time and place to give it, and definitely a time to keep my mouth shut. I also have the right to question where he has been if he stays out all night, that is accountability. However, if he were to call and say he was going out with his buddies because he had a stressful day, I wouldn’t question him.

    What the other \liberated\ ladies are missing is that this article assumes the wife has a doting and caring husband that cherishes them, loving them as Christ loved the church. It makes it so much more fulfilling when he appreciates these things. I would not be so keen on fulfilling all of these comforts for a man that was going out to strip clubs and being lustful (which is what the modern good wife allows). My husband told me that he enjoys these comforts, and prefers them over trying out something new (a slut who will not treat him like his wife does)…

    I also think that when the woman works outside the home, it is not reasonable to expect all of this out of her. I work for now, but I try to incorporate what I can–he gets home before me, so most of it is just not possible. However, we are preparing for me to become a stay-at-home mom when our first is born. So I think all of the guidelines in that article are good as a job description. Everyone’s title has a job description, and that is the house-wife’s. Did anyone realize that men in the 1950s worked 10 to 12 hour days, often including Saturdays?! And it was shameful for the husband to send his wife to work. So it makes more sense that the wives were expected to provide so many comforts. I would be exhausted if I was forced to work 60+ hours a week!!

    I don’t understand why so many women hate their husbands. They are not all evil if you give them a chance!

    I even appreciate spankings from my husband. There are times when I am rebellious and argue with him when I should not be. I actually like them because to me, it shows that he CARES about how our marriage life is and how well we get along, and he is reminding me that my behavior causes dissention between the two of us. He is never too harsh with me. He never abuses the power his headship gives him. And if something is really important to me, he won’t spank me for voicing my concern. A woman’s tongue will tear down her house.

    I just started being a better wife, and was rewarded with amazing sex. Better than it has been in months!! If you give a little, they show their appreciation, I promise!

  60. I’ve been doing a series similar to what you’re talking about.

    I HATE how being “modern” in how a wife acts in a marriage is essentially being self-centered.

    Why bother to get married if you’re going to treat your husband worse than any stranger?

    How utterly ridiculous. Doesn’t bode well for long, happy marriages, does it?

  61. •A good wife always knows her place.

    I do agree with that list, to a point. My husband works hard so i can stay at home with our 6 month old son. However, I work hard as well.
    I do 90% of all the cooking and cleaning. I cook diner for him everynight and when i know he is coming home, i do try to look nice, for him as well as me. Although he tells me i look most beautiful when i have on no makeup, and casual clothes. I do want the house clean for him when he comes home, because BOTH of us can relax in a clean home. My son and I alway greet him (unless son is napping) and tell him we are glad he’s home, However, he also tells us how much he missed and loves us and is always happy to see us. What he has to say is important, and i ask him how his day was, HOWEVER, what I have to say is EQUALLY important and he knows this. The evening is OURS as a family. We each do what we want,(tv, computer, read) but we also spend time together. I do not tiptoe around my husband. He is the head of the household, yes, HOWEVER, we discuss everything together and if we cant agree, we compromise. We are equals. We both work hard, i just dont get a paycheck. I will get him drinks, or anything else he needs while i am up, or if i notice he needs something, i will sometime go get it, but he does the same for me. I am not a maid or a slave, and he doesnt want me to be. He also does plenty of things for me. If need be (though it hasnt happened yet) i will question him, if i think he is doing something that isnt good for the family. My \PLACE\ as a wife, is to love, honor, respect and help him. That is also HIS place as a husband. I am more traditional (not as much as some of you ladies) but i think that we are both equal, that we both deserve love, respect, consideration and pampering.

  62. I read this to my husband as he was preparing supper. I am working on a paper for school. I have raised my children and returned to school. The women’s lib movement came about because women were not treated with respect or love by their husbands, bosses or society in general.
    We had a good laugh about this issue from 1955. Truth be told I would go nuts if I had to do nothing but wait all day for him to come home and all my life revolved around him.
    I asked him how he felt about this idea of living like the article describes the wife and he stated, “I do not want a Stepford wife.” Guess what, I don’t want to be one. I can and do take care of me. I share responsibilities with my hubby. We share Christian (Catholic) values and have and expect to continue to grow in holiness but to become someone’s lackey and servant is not a healthy way to live. Be who God created you to be, not what some other person says you should be. You can love, respect and honor your husband and work outside the home or inside the home. It is not an, either - or mentality we should have but an, and - both mentality. Thanks for reading this and allowing me to post it.

  63. Hi Heather!
    I have seen the list from the 1950’s before… I don’t know if it was an attachment to one of those mass forwards or even what the point of it was (pro vs. con the point-of-view), but I remember reading it and thinking “I must be really old-fashioned because this home sounds really good to me!” Although times have changed and most women have carreers out of the home, if our priorities kept our family first (after our relationship with God obviously!!!), I think this world would be vastly different (better??). We cannot deny that the Bible specifically tells us what our role is and responsibilities are as a wife. However, it also puts a huge responsibility on our husbands as well (to love us as Christ loves the church — we all know what He had to do for His church..).

    The “so-called liberated woman” (I think is how you worded it) might be forgetting that marriage is a partnership between two people, first. When careers, even children (I braizenly state as I have not been blessed with children yet…I do spend a lot of time learning from others and Bible in preparation, though, if that counts at all…), move in to be the new priority that replaces the marriage, things seem to fall apart. I’ve watched it in my own family growing up, and I see it in the world almost everywhere I look… It’s too easy to let it happen. That’s why I’m so glad I took some time to read your blogs, Heather. I hope you keep up the good work and stay strong in your convictions! God bless you and Jason and your precious baby!
    Lisa (Coates) Neuman

  64. Hey there ya’ll…..
    Well, I’ve been keeping track of the response here and it truly astounds me that the topic is even up for debate… It surprises me to hear every response (well, every thoughtful response) we are all saying we believe in the same thing: Liberation: True Liberation, is defined as: The act or process of trying to achieve equal rights and status: To me, this means we have the right to decide what and who we wish to be.
    Some women CHOOSE to work out side of the home, Some CHOOSE to work from home, at home, in the home, as a home maker…. The list goes on… I feel truly liberated when I bake, dress well, smile brightly, help my kids with home work, rub my hubby’s back, car pool, PTO, teach Sunday School, sew, clean my home (My way, as only I can do it, lol)… etc. I feel liberated b/c I feel as if I am able to CHOOSE this lifestyle w/o oppression. I feel I am able to be a Home Maker w/o judgment. I love the fact that I can be the wife and mother I want to be w/o others forcing their “Idea of normal/right” on me. I enjoy and embrace the life I have chosen. And trust and believe you me….. I CHOSE THIS LIFE :) It was certainly NOT FORCED on me… Granted my husband and children absolutely LOVE it, they support me and believe in me and love me and embrace the ME I have CHOSEN to be.However, NO ONE FORCED ME. We all have CHOSEN this lifestyle as it works well, it truly works best for US, ALL of US…. And PS; the earlier mentioned back rubs, dinner ready, bright smiles, dishes done, foot rubs, sleeping in on Saturday (even if only til 8 and waking to a dirty kitchen b/c the hubby and kids tried to make mommy breakfast in bed :) )… my husband and babies do the same for me :) The WANT to, They like to help me back. They enjoy doing nice things for a mother/wife who does nice things for them too. It’s give and take in our home, not give, give, give… But an equal sharing of love, devotion, truth, dedication, thanks and care taking…
    This day in age there are too many ruined families, disrespect from wives AND husbands, unruly children, lack of morality/ethics and all around darkness… Why is it wrong that I, as well as MANY others, believe that our way of living brings us what WE WANT from life. I am NOT in any way saying it is the “Only Way”… I am saying it is the “Only Way” FOR ME and MY FAMILY, and many others feel the same. I take comfort in living like this… and where is it wrong? Showing respect to my husband (AND he shows me respect too), giving 100% of my energy to my family (my husband does too)…. I mean, the benefits are endless… And it isn’t just me, in our home, my husband and I BOTH put 110% effort in toward each other and our children. And let me be the first to tell you that our Children put forth 110% toward our family. They are honest, giving, kind, truthful, sincere, caring, thankful… The list goes on… Perfect? In our book and by our standards… Yes. Our children are the BEST them they can be, and that is all we want… We want them to put forth their best effort and try their hardest to be the best “THEM” they can be… Not any one else’s version of “Best” or “Perfect”… Just the best, most perfect “Them” that they are able to be. We BOTH are dedicated to our family life. What I am saying, is after watching and witnessing so many families falling apart at their very core We just flat did not want to “risk it”… It made sense to my husband and I to just avoid what we saw as a horrible risk all together. See, what we feel is simple: As long as we can make it, and do so comfortably on his earnings alone, I should be able to stay home with my children and raise my family from the “Inside”. We share everything, every “Job” is divided up equally… For instance here are a few: He makes the money, I pay the bills: He takes out the trash, I do the dishes: He maintains the vehicles and yard, I maintain the house and the gardens: He and I share parenting too, however, we discuss (in advance) who will be handling which issues, such as when our son hit puberty I spoke with him on the basics (my husband was at work when the questions were brought to me) I explained that being I am not a man, I know the biology, but not the mental/emotional changes associated with it, at least not fully… As such, I called my husband explained what was going on, my husband told his boss that our son “Needed” him home, it was important. He come home from work to talk with our son. Again, our family truly does come first… ALWAYS. my hubby then asked our son (after talking it over with me) if he would like to go on a trip with him to deliver freight to the next state over. It was an awesome little break for our boy and they had a chance to have some “Them” time and get to know each other as father and “maturing Son” as appose to father and “Barny loving baby boy”. It was needed and well deserved time they spent together. When our youngest daughter had her first crush and the boy broke her heart, my hubby called me on my cell: I was grocery shopping. He explained that she needed me and you can bet yer bottom, I checked out right then and there, called back to ask my husband if he was ok with take out (he said “What ever makes it easiest for you hunny”) I picked up some KFC and headed home. My husband spent time with the other 3 children as I took my daughter on a “Mommy daughter date” to a rose garden near our home and we walked and talked for 2 hours. By the time we came home, my husband had gotten all the 3 other children ready for bed, homework checked over and my “heat and Massage” mat laid out, plugged in and warmed up: ready for me to lay down and relax, rest and he even had the baby lotion ready to rub my feet, which I had been on all day. What I’m getting at here is that we are equals, we just have our own way of “delegating” our family’s needs and other tasks needing completed. I am saying that we parent and share ALL family and home responsibilities with one another. I suppose I just do not understand why my husband working outside the home and myself being a home-maker is such a huge “Set-back” for women..?.. I am not forced to live any way I do not wish to live…. I CHOSE this life, I LOVE THIS LIFE. We have an amazing relationship. We are intimate, loving, devoted; we hold each other every day, we kiss, touch and love on one another every chance we get. We talk: ALOT and try to make as many decisions together as possible. However, should one of us need to make a decision right then and there w/o the ability to talk it over,we TRUST that the decision made is what best suits the situation. We ALWAYS back one another’s decisions and NEVER disagree in front of the children… If we ever disagree, be it between just he and I, or ESPECIALLY if it is over the children, we render a verdict of “Let your father/mother and I discuss it and we will let you know our choices as quickly as possible”… We have NEVER under minded or gone over the other’s head with the kiddos, and we NEVER have ever shown our opinions as “divided” in the presence of the kiddos. It has made our parenting extremely strong. The children KNOW full well that they can NOT “Play us against the other” and they can not go seeking the answer they want if one parent’s answer isn’t what they wish to hear. They know we discuss EVERYTHING and decide together, so it would do them No good, to try and “play us” or seek out their “preferred answer”. Make no mistake, there are times we see things differently. Due to our up bringing there are some issues we do not agree on, very few, but they do come up once in a while (For example, I was able to drive before I was left home alone, where as my husband was home alone and baby sitting by 12, so a question of “Mom, can I stay home tonight while ya’ll go to the market?” my hubby and I would have to discuss my fears and his assurances)… Those issues we discuss in private, evaluate how important it is to the asking child/children and come to a decision together that we are both comfortable with. Usually the kiddos get their wish in these situations so long as it is safe and appropriate for them :) It’s just our way of “Picking our battles” And if for any reason he and I can not seam to agree… He says “Krissie, baby, you gave birth to them, you are with them ALL THE TIME, you know what will work best hunny.”… We do not believe our kids should have to pay for the raising we had…
    We spend the majority of our “Free” time with each other and our kiddos. We agree on most everything and when we do disagree: We discuss and resolve. I doubt you’re going to believe me, but the truth is in over 10 yrs together, we have only ever had 2 actual “Fights” and maybe 5 heated “disagreements”… We don’t see the point in fighting. If something is important enough to one of us that we feel strongly about it, the other listens and tries to help or resolve with them, b/c we feel if it is important to one of us, it is important to the other, b/c we love one another, making all issues “OUR” issues, not only “ONE OF OUR” issue.
    We handle resolution of problems with our children in the same way. We honestly believe that weather it seams important to us or others is NOT the point… What IS THE POINT: It matters to someone WE LOVE. so by default… IT MATTERS TO EACH OF US. Of course he loves having a wife who values her family, home, belongings, looks…. Of course my husband is proud to take me to office parties, have me show up randomly to bring “Goodies” and be in my pretty, frilly dresses, heals and pearls. But guess what ya’ll: I am proud to be that woman. I am so lucky to have a husband who WANTS to buy me pretty things, who WANTS to take me to dinner parties and out with he and his friends. I am blessed to have children who are NOT embarrassed by my appearance, but on the contrary, the BRAGG on me… “That’s MY MaMa!!!”
    I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am “Kept”… However, what I will say is this: I have a manicure and pedicure every 3 weeks, I visit the beauty parlor once a month (more if there is an important event) for gossip and beautiful hair. I get spa days, facials, Sauna and Hot Tub time. I get to take my children and myself shopping, I buy my kiddos at least one gift (even if just a small $1-$3 gift) each, every pay day as a token of my thanks for them being so amazing. I have “Girls’ night out” every 6 weeks and have “Girls night in” at my place at least once a week (usually on nights my husband will be gone particularly late)… I never have to yell over the television or stereo or PS3 to get my husband’s attention. My husband does not look at dirty mags, porn or even other women (Trust me, I know he looks at good lookin gals on occasion but NEVER in my presence, Never obviously… He ALWAYS makes sure to not just say, but actually behave like I am THE ONLY girl who catches his eye ;) I love that he respects me that much)
    My hunny buys or even yes, he even MAKES me presents. He showers me in affection and admiration. He brags on me to all his friends and loves to “show me off” (lol :) it’s really cute actually) My hubby ALWAYS puts our children and I first, before himself, before his friends, before his job…. We are #1 in his life as he is and the children are #1 in my life as well…. He send me flowers for no reason and my favorite is when he stops to pick me flowers on his way home :)
    When I had a series of surgeries a few years back (ultimately ending in a complete Hysterectomy) and I was sad and hurting and felling down and alone, my AMAZING husband and children did EVERYTHING…. He took 2 weeks off work and when he returned to work, still was sure to take only “short runs” (within 100 miles of home so he could drop everything and come home if I needed him, and he even stopped in to check on me off and on daily). He made a “Friends Help” schedule, with the names of my closest friends, what days and times they were available and their numbers so even the kids could call. He made me a list of my favorite carry out places and made sure I had $ daily just in case I felt like staying in bed. He gave our neighbor gas $ in advance (b/c I could not drive) in case I needed anything from the market/Deli… Our babies were amazing helpers too: They cleaned, did laundry, helped one another with home work, called daily to check in on their grandparents and give updates to them on my recovery, took care of the lawn and did not argue/fuss/fight with one another at all, during my recovery. They and their daddy, my awesome Husband, did it all, he worked, took care of kids and took care of me and NEVER once complained or later “reminded” me of what he had done for me. When he had surgery a few months later, I waited on him hand and foot…. I wanted to, he certainly deserved it :)
    On to a little more about my babies: They are amazing! Not to say they don’t argue with one another or back talk their father or I, but trust and believe, those incidences are few and VERY FAR between… We are soooooooooooooooooo proud of them. they are outstanding and amazing and just well….. INCREDIBLE! We have raised them with three basic and fundamental rules #1) LOVE #2) TRUST #3) RESPECT….. We have taught them that if they keep these 3 rules close at heart and in the front of their minds, all other rules will fall into place: For example, if you respect one another and your folks, you will not make it habit to lie, you will honor those around you with truth. If you want trust, you must earn it: for example, you can’t go taking change from mom and dad’s change jar and still expect to be trusted… If you show respect, you will not throw a fit when your folks deliver a decision on whatever you have asked. These are just a few examples, but I promise you, these three(3) rules encompass any and all other rules I could ever impose. I can honestly say that thanks to these 3 little rules we have never had to deal with broken curfews, lies that beget lies, jumping on furniture, forgetting to feed and/or take out our pets, violent fighting among the children (or between them and their friends, they simply walk away or address it as best they can, if they have no other choice, they fight back and I will NOT punish my children for defending themselves, no way… But I promise you, they have NEVER “started” a fight, None of my kids have EVER “started” any fights at all) Because of how our home and family is run, we do not have the same, and often, otherwise, common issues that many households have.
    I would NEVER NEVER presume to say that our life is any better than any one else’s…. What I am saying: Is that this is the life for us… This life works well for us, we are genuinely happy and love that we have been blessed with one another.
    I would never tell any person what to do or how to do it… All I am asking is that no one tell me how or what either… An earlier post made mention of housewives being “lazy”…. Not hardly, we work just as hard as women who work out side the home, we do. Granted, the hours are quite literally around the clock 24/7/365, there are no sick days, no vacation (without taking our work with us, lol) no paid leave. We do not have private offices with a maid service tidying up our work area on our lunch (If we’re lucky enough to get lunch, but hey, it’s worth it… that’s what snacks are for, lol), we don’t get a pension plan or maternity leave (lol, honestly just saying maternity “LEAVE” is laughable when talking about a stay at home mommy)… But let me tell you about the Benefits: Happy “co-workers”, smiling “office personnel”, year round/unlimited daycare (lol, sorry:) had to ya’ll), The best pay possible (unconditional love, support, respect and devotion)… our peers, Sr co-workers and even our Jr co-workers show us the utmost respect and truly value our opinions and decisions….
    I suppose I just needed to show you why I feel like I have made the best CHOICE for me. I needed to express what it means to me and why it means so much that “Liberation” allows me and others like me and my family to decide to stay home and live life the way we want to live it. To me, being truly “liberated” means as individuals and as family units we are able to live our lives, raise our families and move forward in life together in what ever fashion, manner or capacity that “WORKS” for us.
    To me, “Women’s Liberation” has nothing to do with day care, full time jobs, pension plans, salary pay or being a strong woman not “Needing” of a male counter part…. To me, it simply means, being able to choose whats best for one self and not being judged, persecuted or looked down upon for the choice we make. I/my family, and most of the mothers/ families I know who have chosen this life would never be so presumptuous as to assume we “know” what it is to live your lives. But please, do not presume to “know” all about how our lives run either. Please don’t assume we’re lazy just b/c we don’t keep 9-5 hours, don’t assume we stay in PJ’s, fuzzy slippers and eat chocolate while watching day time TV. Please don’t assume we are uneducated or low-class, be it financially or in mentality. We are HARD WORKING, educated, caring, devoted, classy, dedicated women, with strong families that just so happen to be our life’s work, and we are proud and thankful to have it this way.
    Thank you for lending your ear, and opening your mind.
    Just as a matter of note: Those of us who CHOOSE this lifestyle are NOT setting back “Woman’s lib” in any fashion, however, I may not be speaking for all, but I am sure I am speaking for some, and most definitely myself, when I say “Our family choice is the best for our marriage and our children, and if that some how threatens society’s view of what “women’s lib” is, then the movement was weak to say the least to begin with. The point behind liberation is to not be dictated to, but to make one’s own decisions….. I am doing so, and it is making our family stronger. For that, I will take the blame for “setting back the movement”… As my family and it’s posterity is the most important thing to my husband and I… And I pray that with how we are raising them, it will be of the utmost importance to our children one day as well.”

  65. I am a 22 year old female with tattoos and piercings and am also a vocalist in a metal band. I’m definitely not what someone would portray as an average housewife. I have a ten month old son and am a stay at home mom/ housewife and I looked this up to better myself as a housewife bc my fiance works 2 jobs to support us and let me be the woman of the house and I feel like this is the way it should be! The issue with so called “liberated women” is that they do all the same things as their husbands do. They share responsibility so to speak. I think this is why the divorce rate is sooooo high! Bc when women feel they can support themselves on their own by working and are also sharing the household duties with their husbands noone is greatful for what the other one does bc they both do the same thing! But when men go to work and women take care of the home (including making your husband nice and comfy) then they are both bringing something different to the table that the other one doesn’t have to worry about and can be greatful that they don’t have to worry about the other! People constantly make comments about me not having a job bc me and my fiance do struggle at times! But people have struggled for ages! Why should we change our whole relationship just to make sure we still have cell phones ad extras! We have never fallen behind but we have just skimmed by! I love being a housewife even though it doesn’t appeal to my free spirit…but I gave that up when I had a child and commited myself to my son and his father! PEOPLE NEED TO WAKE UP! People always tell girls not to ever rely on a man…well if u never rely on him then you haven’t really commited to him! I’m not saying being a housewife is the right lifestyle for all couples but you need tohave gratitude for your significant other and this seems to be the best way for couples to always and forever appreciate each other!

  66. My wife feels this way. Her committment is to the children and she recognizes the children we raise will be the ones to either save or lose our nation. Being a Mom is a TOUGH JOB!

    She submits to my final decision when we do not agree and most times I will let her have her choice. There is a chain of command in our life but there is also humble, team oriented leadership. I treat her extremely well and tell her what a fantastic job she is doing and I remind her just how important her work is.

    I am so proud of my wife. She has proven up to the challenge of raising 5 children. Our children’s success would not happen without her and I tell her this every week! A fantastic Mother is an exceptional thing today. Strive as a woman to be there with the children you have and you will see that your success will result in THEIR success. You will be proud of them, but remember to be proud of yourself as YOU were instrumental in their success.

  67. Hi
    I just want to sympathise with the lady who said all her husband does is play computer games. It is all my husband does also. I think sometimes our husbands need to learn how to be good husbands, as no matter how much we try to be good wives if these efforts go unnoticed then its disheartening.
    I so desperatly want to be a good wife but at the same time I have to educate my husband on being a good husband. Its so tiring, i work away from the home as we do not have kiddies yet.
    We are supposed to be working on the whole kiddies thing but all he does is play computer games, so going to bed alone does not make children!
    Any advice would be appreciated xx

  68. Bobbie–

    I was so impressed by what you said. You have hit on the “spirit” of the whole concept of this post.

    I love how you described bringing “something different to the table.”

    What wisdom for someone so young. Your level of understanding about committment will take you and your family a long, long way.

  69. I really like this post. I am 26 years old and have been married for a little over a year. I have worked since I was old enough to have a job up until this past two months. I got my degree in engineering and have worked my fair share of tough jobs.. I have been on a land surveying crew cutting down trees with a bush axe, I have done bridge inspection work, and I have worked with asphalt. I would consider myself to be as capable and hard working as anyone could be. I have to say that the last year or so with my husband was very hard because we both worked so much. Our jobs were both very high stress so when we would get home we were too tired to cook and clean and take care of a house like we should. We loved being married but life stunk.

    My husband was offered a job half way across the country. The pay was good enough that I wouldn’t have to work. For the first time since I was 15 I don’t have a job. To me that means that I have a different job and responsibility. I am a housewife. That means that I need to do all if the cooking and cleaning and see to it that we have a high quality happy home life. This list may be a little outdated… Taking off shoes and lighting a fire, but I do think that it is my job to wait on my husband at home. If he puts in an 8 hour work day, so should I. This is in no way a set back to women. We are lucky enough to have the choice for me not to work if I don’t want to. The last two months have been our happiest together. When I am home during the day I work hard to tidy the place. By the time my husband is home dinner is ready and we have nothing to do but enjoy each other’s company. I will probably go back to working part time until we have children but getting the place together after the move has been a full time job.

    I will never be one to say that what my husband has to say is more important than what I have to say, and I hate the idea of women being submissive to their husbands; however, that is an individual choice. I take equal responsibility for our life together, so I believe I should be heard and have my views considered always. But I will say that love is never selfish.. So I put my husband’s needs above my own. He does the same for me.

    I think this list is just a way to remind you to carry your own weight and to love your partner and put their needs first. Is that really so bad?

  70. Hi im 24 and got married when i was 19 to an amazing man. He works hard and cares for me and our two beautiful daughters aged 2 and 3. I love the idea of being there for my husband, i think a part of a great marriage is knowing that when things are hard you can go home at the end of the day to your partner and feel like everythings going to be ok. Now i do all these things for my husband to the best of my ability and im still working on being a better wife and mother and i love it. I dont complain to him the moment he gets in the door and its because hes been at work all day, let him unwind and when the times right and his heads not still filled with work dramas than we can discuss the important matters. I think if ive been out all day with the girls and my husbands home and the moment i get in the door hes complaining to me about everything id get a little annoyed as well its all a matter of thinking about how they feel as well. Now the best part of having a great husband is that he too looks out for me so if he comes home and sees that ive had a hard day hell help me out and try make my night easier. He loves and spoils me and he shows me that he loves and appreciates all i do. When he has a day off he spoils us and takes us somewhere special or just makes up something fun at home. I recall when i was pregnant he was constantly giving me massages and making sure i didnt put myself out. I dont think that following those guidelines makes you a doormat i think it makes you a great wife and builds the road for a great marriage with love and passion and committment. I love aiming so high when it comes to caring for my husband because i know if the sutuation were reversed hed do the exact same thing for me.

    I realise that not all marriages are like mine but i think they have the potential to be like that if husbands and wives would commit to each other 100%. And all those that say they feel sorry for me for being like this, please dont because my life is amazing and i will continue to try my best to make my husband feel loved and desired. I also respect that not all women are stay at home mums like me but i wasnt always a stay at home mum and i still strived to be the best i could. I love my husband and id give him everything if i had to just as i know he would for me. When God touches a mans heart and makes him a true man of God, then you need not worry about the decisions he makes because they will always be with Gods will and the wellbeing of his family being the main priority. To all those who arent as blessed as i feel i pray that you will find the happiness i feel every day. I know that being a housewife and mother is not seen as a truly great job or even something that all people respect (believe me, ive had people attempt to assault me many times over the fact that i apparently have not achieved anything because im stuck at home.) I take great pride in my job as a stay at home mum, my job is a 24hr a day job and i dont get bonuses or holiday pay, But let me tell you what i do get, i get the love and respect of my amazing little family and i know what my children are being taught and shown and to me there is nothing more important in the world. I realise some people will think im insane but i love it and that is something that will always be a part of me.

    Please dont assume that all these women are crazy and their husbands are abusers or bullies because in fact these are most likely some of the happiest and fulfilled people you will ever meet. They do what they do out of love and a committment to not only their husband but to their God. Its a beautiful thing to put others before yourself and guess what the beauty of a committed man is he is usually putting you and his family before himself everyday when he goes to work or simply just returns home instead of going to the pub or playing golf simply because he can.

    Thanks for reading my ramble, i am really passionate about this subject and would hate to think that people would see my husband as an overpowering abusive user as he is the complete opposite. He makes me a better mother, wife, student and person everyday and its through his love and prayers : ) I am far from the perfect wife but i am definately striving to get there.

  71. Sorry i also forgot to add that i realise everyones lives are different and what works for me may not be right for someone else but i also wanted to show that this type of life isnt the boring, chained sort of life that some are implying it is. I simply wanted to show that this type of living can be an amazing thing. In either situation i just hope and pray that theres happiness and fulfilment for you all : )

  72. Wow! Isn’t it amazing the strong opinions we all have? This just goes to show yo that we ARE liberated women, Be it working or stay at home.

    Bobbi: Your attitude rocks! It is nice to see a young girl with her head on her shoulders!

    here’s what I KNOW. I am a wife mother of four grown kids and a teacher. I was so exhausted that I hated cooking and cleaning and honestly just had no time for it. I had to make a huge life change. What I know is this, if you are too overwhelmed by your house word and “wife jobs” YOU HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF! I live in Thailand where people cook outside on little pots and wash their clothes in buckets. They have no cars, no video games, no windows sometimes. And guess what??? The divorce rate here is almost nil. Not one kid in my class comes from a broken home.

    I’m not saying throw away all your stuff. I’m saying look at your life, what are your priorities? Is it more important to have all that stuff in your house, or to be able to your life without it exhausting you? Believe me, you don’t need cellphones and plasma TVs and car payments you can’t afford. Simplify your life and start spending quality time with your husband instead of spending all your time trying to keep up with everything and resenting him for not helping enough.
    I’m just sayin!

  73. Hi Ladies!
    Thank God their are still women in the world like most of those who have been leaving comments on this post. I’m a 27 year old man and would love to have a lady in my live that would change a house made of bricks and mortar into a real warm home to come home to everyday. The modern age has become so strange to my eyes…. everything seems inverted and wrong in some way…a testament to the End of Days… from world hunger and poverty that could be abolished with less that 0.001% of the worlds money to even gender roles and movements that aim to \empower\ women…empower women? into what? careerer centred, ambitious, self-centred, unrespectful ladies that \don’t need a man in their lives\ (honestly! ever heard a man say \i don’t need a woman in my life\???) and want to be treated in life and work like a man yet still be feminine and womanly!!!… the damage that the \movement\ has done has been 2 fold. Firsty creating the type of woman as the one who created the 2nd list… no love no respect- period. Secondly, and maybe surprisingly to some of you, it has created weak men that women can’t rely on for simple things let alone to be strong, caring faithful husbands.

    As one of the comments above put it, just look at any sitcom or most TV programs and movies. If the husband isn’t portrayed as a dotting weak idiot whose opinions don’t matter then he’s some harsh cruel tyrant who abuses his wife and children while cheating with any other girl he can. How often do you see a really good husband or father who is a strong caring protecting and nurturing leader of a family trying his utmost for their sake?…

    Sometimes i think that in the strive for the \modern women\ men have forgotten or have been prevented from being real men and leaders… either through emotional damage done by women… or being replaced by women or other reasons…. so you get husbands who can’t face reality, spend most of their time away from home in clubs or with friends or at home addicted to computer games or the internet.

    I don’t think there is much more that i can add to the discussion, especially seeing that i’m tired and feeling very uneloqant, except for one thing that no one here has mentioned despite the fact that the majority of you are real believers in God A-Mighty and that is this:

    God has given us all free will and the right to choose how we live our lives, obedience or disobedient, sin or virtue ect we can all choose the men as well as the women. BUT we can’t say that there is no right way or the best and most fulfilling way (Sorry Krissie!… by the way, i think i have fallen in love with you :) ) everything that God has created will feel it’s happiest and most fulfilled when it actively seeks and does what the Lord All-Mighty has asked us… because He never asked us to do it for His sake but for ours… He created us and he He knows our inner dispositions, and hearts and what will satisfy us even more so than we ourselves know. I DON’T believe that a women who chooses not to submit and care for her husband can be as happy as one who does (even if she does attain some degree of happiness) … this of course assuming a caring husband but even without one it still holds true (consider the Pharaoh’s wife in the story of Moses)… i don’t believe they act be equally happy…. not anymore than i believe that someone who chooses to live in ignorance and defiance of God can be as happy as one who walks His path…. how can they possibly compare???…Even tyrannical rulers who have everything of this world at their beck and call never get anywhere near the happiness a humble poor true believer does… has he made those who obey and love Him the same as those who turn away!?!?! No!… in walking His path there lies a special mercy which can be experienced in this life….

    every creature is happiest when it acts according to God’s will and laws because it was created to find true happiness in THAT… for the human race it is love and knowledge of God… for a man in a marriage it is to love, protect, serve and cherish is wife and children and lead them in God’s ways…. for a woman in a marriage it is to respect, honour, commit, love and submit to her husband. If BOTH do this then both will be at their happiest in this life and forever more.

    In short: yes their is a choice, we can all CHOOSE… but as God Lives there is a RIGHT CHOICE that suites our human nature that we have been created with… and He has shown it to us. Even if you don’t believe in God it is still the BEST way to live your life.

    A husband with a wife like the one described in the post… :) or like dear Krisse above, would feel so blessed that he would love being at home and coming home, would never cheat or even look at another woman let alone go to strip clubs bars or watch dirty movies…. what man would want to be away from her?

    \A beautiful and virtuous woman is the most perfect handiwork of God. She is the true light of the angels. She is the steel in a man’s soul and the warmth in his heart. She is a miracle in the world…. and a rare thing on earth!\

    Now a wife as described in the second list, well what man would WANT to be with her or come home to her??? Better a strip joint! even if only written as a joke i wouldn’t touch the writer with a 10 foot poll!

    So yes we can choose….. so choose!

    Lastly i just want to end with a couple of quote that i think show the relationship between husband and wife beautifully:

    “O woman!- In our hours of ease, uncertain, coy, and hard to please, and variable as the shade, by the light quivering aspen made; when pain and anguish wring the brow, a ministering angel thou!”

    \As unto the bow the cord is,
    So unto the man is woman;
    Though she bends him, she obeys him,
    Though she draws him, yet she follows;
    Useless each without the other!\

    Take care and God bless!

  74. Totally agree with the post and most of the other ladies here

    Have a few quotes i would like post.

    From the sky the sun benignant
    Looked upon them through the branches,
    Saying to them, “O my children,
    Love is sunshine, hate is shadow,
    Life is checkered shade and sunshine,
    Rule by love, O Hiawatha!”
    From the sky the moon looked at them,
    Filled the lodge with mystic splendors,
    Whispered to them, “O my children,
    Day is restless, night is quiet,
    Man imperious, woman feeble;
    Half is mine, although I follow;
    Rule by patience, Laughing Water!

    not equal as their sex not equal seemed:
    For contemplation he and valor formed,
    For softness she and sweet attractive grace:
    He for God only, she for God in him.”

  75. I think that the women from the 1950 had some pretty good ideas, I do however think that some of them are a tad bit of a stretch for our modern age, with a few alteration it can be a very useful list. It also depends on the husband, are they doing the things they need to do for us to submit. I to do not mind giving the man his kingdom but he needs to take the position seriously. I am only 23 and I truly had to experience things and play roles to understand them. I have seen my father be a provider and turned around and became a provider and then stop to realize that is a man’s job. If a man is not providing how can we crater to him. In providing I thought I was a modern woman but that is just a smoke screen. In a relationship for a man to be a man he must prove he can take care of his family and the woman craters. Not saying we can not work but we should take some of these things into account when trying to make a relationship work and our man know we love them. lets love them the way we want them to love us. my honest opinion is women are trouble makers. men are simple. they need sex, food, and mothering. And as long as they are providing I have no problems giving that…lol…hope this makes sense.

  76. I came across this website while doing a paper for an English class on relationships in the 1950’s and I felt the need to make a comment. I’m on both sides of this argument but I am coming at it from a psychological point of view.
    Fifty percent of all marriages fail in today’s age because of traditional marriages. There are three types of personalities; masculine, feminine, and androgenous. The androgenous personalities are a mix of masculine and feminine that is balanced overall. My partner and I are both androgenous and our relationship couldn’t be better. However, it sounds as if a lot of you ladies are feminine in relationships with masculine men, which is a combination for divorce.
    You’re all more than welcome to be there for your husbands and if it is your job to keep the house tidy then you should treat it like your job and keep the house clean, take care of your children, and cook for your husband. He wouldn’t shrug off one of his responsibilities at work, so neither should you. However, and this is a huge however, I can’t believe that in America, the land of free speech and equality, you would ever put yourselves down so much as to think that any other person (whether that be a neighbor, friend, or husband, etc) would have more important topics of conversation and that your job is to listen to them.
    All I’m getting at is be careful. Take care of the job responsibilites you have, but if your job isn’t as a housewife then your husbands need to be helping you out. Don’t be a doormat for someone else–there are plenty of countries where women don’t have a choice but to be doormat, so don’t willingly be one in a country where you have your own rights.

  77. I think your 100% correct.
    I’m sorry, but uber feminist is not the way to go.
    Being sour to your husband is only going to make your life so much less enjoyable. Making someone else happy makes me feel better, maybe if the writer of the “modern” one did that she wouldn’t be so unhappy.

  78. First of all…..how could any person or woman for that matter with self respect look at the first list and believe that it is right. “remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.” Women have fought so long for equality, not superiority, but EQUALITY! And women like you, who are subservant to their husband are a huge slap in the face to those women! I agree that a woman should be happy to see her husband, after all she is supposed to love him, but he should be just as happy. And I agree that a wife should help her husband out seeing as it is an EQUAL relationship, but the husband should do his part emotionally as well as physically. A woman was not put on this earth to serve a man; likewise, a wife’s duty is to be her husbands companion and friend. Besides, the second article “A modern Good Wife” is definitely just a joke, and a pretty funny one at that. It’s sad to think that in 2011, so many women still think this way. I hope your glass ceiling has holes in it so that you won’t suffocate.

  79. I agree. I just couldn’t do it. Or rather I did do it, and it all fell apart because he didn’t want to do his part. I feel so hurt and betrayed by that even ten years later that I just can’t see trusting another man with my heart like that. I have to admit that I do feel like obedience must = stupid, because…well…he’s doing all the thinking, and you’re just doing whatever he wants, and that’s how it felt for me for the few years of marriage I had, like I just ended up shutting down and becoming this robot. I tried to give him that peaceful home, tried to let him be the man, tried to let him make the decisions, and he threw it in my face. I tried it even though it’s absolutely against my natural inclinations cause I don’t really trust people in the first place. I feel like when you let people protect you or you let yourself be dependent on anyone, they get control over you. It’s so easy for them to hurt you and abuse you. I admire the courage it takes you ladies to live that lifestyle but I myself would never go near it again with a ten foot pole. Because if I let him do that, he gets all the income, whatever, he can just leave, beat me up, hurt my kid, whatever, and I wouldn’t have any defense, any money of my own, any way to just /get out/ and /walk away/.

    So now I am a single Mom of 10 years, and I have been very grateful and fortunate. God helped me become a writer, which was my dream since 1st grade. I get to stay home and be there for my daughter. I don’t have to let anybody get that close to me ever again. It’s lonely. Sometimes it hurts. But I feel safe this way. I would not feel safe the 1950s housewife way. I’d always be wondering when he was going to betray me, even as I took his shoes or whatever. I feel like any time you let someone have authority over you, you are basically giving them a white card to become a tyrant. You’re leaving it up to his good nature and good will and trusting that he’s a good person to not abuse that white card. It’s not always a very good gamble. I don’t think I believe it’s ever a very good gamble. I admit that I don’t like or respect men that are doormats to me either. But when he’s in charge–god, my suspicions get so fired up. I’ve just never, EVER let someone have authority over me that didn’t just blow up in my face or require me to become a no-thought, no-emotion robot of Perfection. My parents required that out of me too, and I hated it then too. I didn’t really want to do all that stuff, I just did it because it was the right thing to do, and everyone was still hurtful over it. Holding it over your head–I make the money, so you depend on me, so I can take anything I want away from you if you don’t fall into line. I sometimes can’t listen to the Christian radio stations cause some “how to be a good wife” thing comes on. I feel trapped, in a panic attack, and I just wonder why they can’t ever talk about how to be a good single person. Or a good single Mom. Why Christianity (not God or Jesus, I’m 100% cool with them) can’t talk about that. To be honest, the only husband I can trust is Jesus. And even then I sometimes have trouble, but thankfully he knows my background and my pain enough that he provides for me anyway and I guess doesn’t get too worked up when I freak out and want to take control again, cause he’s never let me or my daughter down yet. God, I write this and I’m in tears, I don’t even know why I went looking for this today, I can’t seem to heal or get over it at all. Though by now I wouldn’t get a man anyway cause I’ve basically let myself get fat on purpose; like I lose weight and I honestly start to panic a little. I don’t want male attention anymore. So I sit at size 18 on purpose. As it is I had trouble even when I was young and beautiful, cause men were very intimidated by me–I was extremely intelligent and a good martial artist, and as a result guys didn’t want to date me. And I kept wondering–why can’t I be loved for who I am? Why do I have to be less than what I am to be loved?

    So I guess, well, some of us Striving Wives fail. And we become the Hurt Exes. Good luck to all of you for whom it will work out for. I can’t be the same. The biggest safety is being alone.

  80. I stumbled onto this blog awhile ago via my mobile phone, lost the link, and finally found it again today. SO happy I did, too!

    I’ve been wandering around wondering if I was the only woman who thought there was some merit to that 1954 Good Wife Guide, and am thrilled to find out there are a whole lot of us in this day and age, post sexual revolution and Women’s Rights, who made the conscious choice to carry on being fulltime homemakers.

    I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s, during the time that Betty Freidan was trying to rally housewives from coast to coast to throw off their aprons and join Corporate America. The rabid feminist movement gathered steam as the years went by, but my mother, married in 1951 and widowed 54 years later, found a way to continue to be a submissive wife though she took a part time job when I was old enough to read her Betty Crocker “Big Red” book and cook simple meals for my dad and me.

    My formative years were a bit of a conflict in the 70s, as mom went to work and expectations of me were college and career in the 80s. I thought that was what I wanted for myself, too, though I often read through mom’s “Big Red” book, complete with illustrations of happy homemakers in aprons and dresses and, well, I wanted that, too.

    I’m now 46 and still conflicted. I’ve been a career woman (albeit nothing high power, just an administrative assistant), I’ve been a fulltime homemaker. When I’m in one role, I miss the other. Not knowing who or what I am has probably contributed greatly to 2 failed marriages, but now with my 3rd husband, the passage of time and raising 4 kids, I know what I want - I want to time-warp back to the 50s. I want to serve my hardworking husband and see my youngest two, now 11 and 16, through school and be a fulltime mother to them. A daycare provider toilet trained my daughter. A daycare provider saw my youngest take his first steps and say his first words. I can’t get those moments back.

    To those who scoff at the idea of being a submissive wife, of catering to a husband’s needs and wants, let me tell you something, as someone who held a job out of the home for years and due to the financial climate today, has to go back out there again after 2 years of homemaking - unless you own your own business, you’re already subservient to a boss (likely a male one), right? I’d rather serve the man I love than some jerk in an office I probably don’t even like.

  81. Why do some women feel the need to put each down for the choices they have made? I am all for the women’s liberation movement in that women should be able to make a choice, whether it be to stay at home (if the family fincances allow for this) or go out to work. Neither is the ‘right’ way, it depends on what you and your husband want. Some of the comments on here seem really unfair, some of the working women calling the stay at home women stupid or doormats, and the stay at home women stating that this is the right way to be as though it is wrong to choose to have a career.
    Come on ladies, let’s not put each other down, its really not an attractive quality!

    I’m in London and unfortunately property is so expensive most household’s need 2 incomes to get by, so less of us have the chance to stay at home. I still feel these rules make sense to be a way that we can strive to show our appreciation for each other - even if it’s just an idea of one or two things we can do to make our husband’s feel appreaciated.

    I’m interested to know if this is purely a gender matter though. How do people feel about those families where the husband stays home with the kids and the woman goes to work? Is that really rare in America? We get it a little bit - it’s not just women that should be liberated, men should be able to choose to stay at home if their wife is earning enough to keep them both and both people are happy with that arrangement. I’m interested as I knew a couple who did this and I thought fair enough, but then the husband refused to do any of the housework or cooking as it was women’s work - I don’t think you can have it both ways!

  82. Well i do agree with this i just wish i could get my fiancee to understand it. I go out and work take care of him the house and finances. I love him with all my heart but I want to be the housewife who makes sure that when he gets home everything is done and all he has to do is sit back and relax.

  83. ugh Im so confused i don’t know what to do ? I have been marry a year and have a baby( 4 month old ) My husband and I have been having soooo much problem because i don’t want to obey im not working but i work too, there are so many things to do in a house and I have to do extra work goin to buy groceries alone or going to the bank or anything he wants outside the house and when he comes everything has to be perfect and the food has to be served, i dont rest , i barely sleep because the baby wake me up to 3 times every night , he dont help me with that. yesterday we had a fight because i didn’t want to make him a sandwich he almost left me alone with my baby please advise !!!!! i want to have a family .

  84. I pride myself on being a modern woman with modern ways of thinking, I have two degrees and am in the process of getting my third one, I love thinking critically and using my hard earned knowledge to help out the human race.

    I am also married and loving it. My husband and I are very happy together we have a relationship based on respect and understanding for one another, and we are planning on having children once our finances are up to scratch. We also share the workload at home; for instance if one person makes dinner then the other will do the dishes, if one person does the washing the other person will hang up and put away. We talk to each other often during the day via email or sms and we are each others best friends. Neither one of us does more than the other we spoil each other in different ways, and neither of us puts any one of us down. Heck we even go to martial arts together and where he struggles I help and vice versa.

    I personally do not think I could ever be a stay at home wife, I would be utterly and completely bored with it (I get bored with just three days of holiday), and also with the current economic climate two salaries help in one household. We each do our bit and we are very content with that.

    While I respect woman that stay at home I also respect those that are more modern. Each to her own, after all we all have our own strengths and each woman deserves to be respected in and of herself. Regardless of what she does for a living.

  85. Like the lady above, I also have a degree and a teaching degree AND am studying for my masters degree and I’m 23…

    However I have been with my manfriend (I think 28 is a little old to be called a boyfriend) for five years now and when we can afford it will be engaged. I adore the traditions of the 1950s the fashion, the temperaments and the day-to-day running of things. I am in no way oppressed, far from it, I am quite outspoken, stubborn and strong willed, BUT I enjoy creating a home for me and my partner (and one day our children) I would be mortified to have an untidy house, I actually enjoy cleaning and cooking and gardening and knitting and crafting and sewing etc etc etc.
    I love comforting my partner when he gets home from work, and I make sure I am home before him so that I can do that. I don’t believe that women have to choose between a career and creating a home. It IS possible to have it all if one is willing to work at it and utilise the key skill of…

    ORGANISATION!!!

    Being a strong independent woman and a good partner/home-maker/mother are NOT mutually exclusive…

    It is not attractive for women to behave like men, for goodness sake have some self respect, dignity and decorum and allow yourselves to be LADIES!

    Keep Calm and Carry On

    P.S.
    I am not in anyway religious, in fact I am positively staunchly atheist, I do not believe men are superior, this is just the way I like to be…

  86. I am struggling to figure out how to spend my time wisely as a good housewife and be with and raise my children. I have a 2yr old and a baby that just turned 1. I stuggle with how to be a good house wife in an untraditional life. My husband owns his own constuction business and never comes home at the same time. It bugs him when I ask when he’ll be home so I can figure out dinner because he then feels pressured to wrap up his day. My kids have never been good sleepers and they are both quite wakefull through out the night so they usually sleep until 8am. I dress them,make breakfast, feed them, clean up the kitchen, clean them up, play with them, teach them and read books, pick up around the house, make lunch, feed them, clean them, clean kitchen, read one a book and put her down for a nap then make a bottle and put the other one for a nap, then do some laundry, try to help place ads to get more work for my husbands business, get kids from nap, get them ready to pick up my step son from school (3days per week) on days I don’t get my step son I give the kids a snack, start dinner (not really knowing when my husband will be home) start to make dinner for my children, feed them, clean them, let them play, clean kitchen, then when husband comes home the kids and I greet him with hugs and kisses let him talk about his day, share positve things about the kids or my day, give him his dinner which he likes to eat while watching tv, while he eats I put away the rest of dinner, try to eat myself, have kids come play with both of us for a bit, then my husband helps put our 2yr old to bed while I put the baby down the kids are usually fully asleep by 830pm then my hubs does paperwork so I watch a show while he does that, then when he is done which is at about 10pm i spend time with him whether its watching tv or talking then we go to bed at about 1130/1200.. I’m not sure what to change, how to find balance, and make our home better…if there are any suggestions I would love to have some help… thank you

  87. What is interesting to me is that the American’s 50s good wife standard looks quite similar to Traditional Chinese Good Wife tips.

    I grew up seeing my grandmother being a good wife to my grandfather,
    my mother being a good wife to my father, even though my grandma and mother had moments that they are not happy about losing themselves in the relationship, I think they represent good family values.

    Here is my thought on being a good wife in modern times, when women are as busy and striving in career and family life as men:

    - Creating a clean, warm (important to my honey), peaceful, quiet home environment is the foundation and secure base for both wife and husband. And whoever takes the initiative and makes the effort to make it happen on a given day (depending on schedule, energy level and financial resources)is highly appreciate for investing in building this safe, loving environment and relationship. I personally think if the woman is good at cleaning up the house and enjoy doing so, why not? it can be done from a loving heart, as “devotion” to her partner, her relationship, to God.

    - With nurturing, healthy food around the house upon coming home is such a comfort for a foodie like me. Again, depending on each person’s preference or energy level, either making something yummy from scratch or heating up something or ordering in something, as long as it is done with good intention and consideration, I am sure either partner will appreciate the good will. Cooking together can be such a bonding moment, full of creativity and sharing of stories.

    - I am a big supporter of women taking care of ourselves,not just for their partner. Most importantly, for ourselves. When we are taking great care of our body, mind and spirit, we are exuberant with positivity, love, radiance, patience, sparkle, joy, grace, compassion and beauty. In other words, we are closer to God’s essence. My trick is yoga + hot shower + facial mask with my favorite chanting music as background.

    - That’s been said, I’ve always feeling warmth and ready to listen to my sweetie when I see him. Not because I follow some “good woman tips”, but because I am happy to see him and feeling lucky that we are in each other’s life. (If you take care of yourself, all these come naturally, unless you do not really love him and care for him).

    - If you have read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” then you should know that communications are crucial, especially when men and women communicate differently. So listen first, then reflect on what he said just to make sure you get it right; then ask if he is ready to listen to you, then use I statement and express feelings. This is good for both men and women. It is really hard to be vulnerable in the conversation. Women tend to find it easier to be vulnerable and tender (I can be wrong), and this puts us in a good position to resolve conflicts. Anyway, what I am trying to say here is “generally if you listen first and be a good listener, others like to listen to you as well.” However, if your partner always vent and not listen to you, then there is some work to be done. After all, we are not therapists in the relationship, it should be mutual.

    - Last but not least “A good wife always knows her place.” My modern, new-age interpretation of this one is: she knows exactly where she should be and what she should be doing at each given moment, she just has to listen to the inner wise one who channel with God. If she gets confused, then just lie down and breathe for a moment.

  88. Hello all, I do not disagree with the 1950’s guide to being a great wife. However, the advice to not question his judgment or integrity is invalid. A loving husband would and should share what his day is like, and the problems he may have faced. There are many temptations out there, but a good husband would not fall for any of them. This does not mean his integrity and judgment shouldn’t be questioned. It just shouldn’t need to. This is only one example of a way to improve the way you live, with God, and your husband. We just always have to remember that this is 2011 and the world has changed in such a way we need to accomodate for it.

  89. I don’t mind being all that wife should be, but often times I notice men think that is all that needs to be completed is the wifes’ duty. Men need to remember their duty to their wives. There needs to be peace for each a the end of a long day.

  90. I think the list is just fine. I disagree that his thoughts are more important than hers though. She is supposed to submit to him and he is supposed to love her as Christ loves the church. That hardly means she should keep quiet and sacrifice all communication of what’s on her heart and mind. Who better to share with than her husband? He should want to be there for her and listen to her worries, concerns, hopes, etc. There’s nothing wrong with that. Other than that, i think the list is totally fine. I’m sure a lot would disagree.

  91. i agree with this. As a 20 year old woman i have always strived for this. I have always quickly gottten into the role of “wife” in the relationships i have had, i did training to become an IT technician. My career really wasnt fulfilling because i didnt have the time to be there for my daughter or my man.
    Now i am at home. And i will retrain to be a beautician in order to work but the hours i can fit in around looking after the house and my family. My man who is a builder loves the way i take care of him. I take a real interest in his family. His needs. I take good care of him and always spend hours cooking for him. Then clean as he watches tv. It works well.

  92. I wish I had a “Like” button so I can go through & “Like” everybody’s comments. Thanks so much, again, for reading & commenting. And also, for remaining respectful even when you disagree. It’s much appreciated. :)

    I really want to address Adriana’s comment here (& if anyone else has any Godly wisdom to add, feel free).

    Adriana, it sounds like you are in a tough situation. Having a needy infant is tough enough, but having a husband with high expectations during this time makes it even harder!

    When I was in premarital counseling, my pastor told us that marriage is not a 50/50. We EACH need to give 100%, all the time. It’s hard, but necessary to make things work. I assume that your husband works outside the home, and I’m guessing he does not wake up for middle of the night feedings or really know what it’s like to care for an infant ’round-the-clock. On a day when you’re both less emotional, you should sit down and talk with him about his expectations. They definitely need to be lowered until your baby is sleeping through the night! Perhaps you can agree to share certain chores, or order dinner once or twice a week. As your baby gets older & more mobile, you’ll realize it’s impossible to keep the house perfectly clean. Try to talk to your husband about what he really needs, versus what he can let slide.

    That said, your baby also cannot be an excuse for not getting anything done! Invest in a sling or other baby carrier, & multitask while your baby is awake… go grocery shopping, dishes, or vacuum while carrying the baby. When the baby’s napping, NAP TOO!!! It will make you more energized & less irritable toward your husband. Remember that he’s going to be tired too when he gets home from work.

    Above all, PRAY… & remember that this too shall pass! One day (hopefully soon) your baby will be happily sleeping through the night & on a predictable schedule. Your life will return to “normalcy” soon! Until then, hang in there & COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE! It will save your marriage!

    Praying for you!!

    Keep on Striving,

    Heather :)

  93. Debra Tincher-Graves
    April 30th, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    I agree with you 100%, I finally got my of being a housewife/homemaker come true at the age of 52 and I love it. I love being protected and care for and I tested God by submitting to my husband and asking his advise about simple stuff (i.e. around the house stuff) and it is just amazing. How right he actually was. My point is that if you yield to God’s instruction life can be amazing. I I treat my husband with respect,love, kindness, etc. what I get back is no short a perfect relationship of love, affection and he give me just about anything I want he can’t do enough for me.

    God know what he is talking about and I am a modern woman equal to a man who scrubs toilets and hangs the laundry. I love my life and I am with you every step of the way sister.

  94. Are you serious? This is something you STRIVE for? To take your husbands shoes off when he gets home? I understand being a loving, caring wife and listening to what happened at work that may have frustrated him but in NO WAY do I agree with this list. My husband and I trade off cooking and cleaning. There is no WAY I would walk around the house to make sure it’s nicely dusted every single day! Touch up your make-up? Does your husband love you less when you wake up in the morning with no make-up? Wow. I agree that we have come a long way from this and THANK GOODNESS.

  95. Hi there ^_^ I actually found the second article from the modern wife giving me a bit of a chuckle though with the state of most marriages nowdays *including mine* its not something to laugh at lightly, I just imagined a sarcastic voice saying it and thought it was funny ^_^. I am a Christian woman and I have always wanted to be the subservient housewife but the only thing I ask to be changed from the list is the ability to speak my thoughts.Totally agree the husband is the head BUT I believe in equality and that a great marriage comes from a woman being valued and respected also because we do carry so much more responsibility than we did back then. Obviously respectfully having our opinion and not when he is coming in the door lol. But having said already my marriage resembles the modern day one is for the fact that the way alot of men are raised nowdays trying to be the classic wife *the 50’s one* is not really doable because it seems to spoil most men who dont have the same train of thought of caring for a wife or that she has done these things for him and that he also has duties to her, its just *do more for me* Especially with video games and such nowdays and tv’s n sports most men dont want or need family time that most women *including myself* so desperately crave. To be the classic wife and believe me I have tried *failing sometimes obviously because I am only human* is not easy today there is too much distraction. I wish we could all be that way and happy go lucky and that our husbands wanted to deal with us or spend time with us and valued us for being good helpmates but sadly its just not the case with the self centered nature of our culture today (that includes women). So as I love the idea of being classic and want nothing more I also have to say that I also agree with the modern day wife *tho I wouldnt go as far as the microwave bit and the pay for your meal thing* The psyching yourself up to see him, deal with him and listen to him *if he’ll talk at all* and still keep yours to yourself when he doesnt offer the same courtesy of listening in return is taxing and sadly the life of most of us. Plastering on the smiles saying sorry hun the kids were a mess today I didnt have time for dinner would you like me to call for pizza and did you get to the bank today *or wherever the errand was*? is just the way it sadly seems to go nowdays.I highly agree though that alot of things would be better if we could take a nice mix of the equality of modern day but the loving servitude * and being glad to do so* attitude of days gone by. But ty for letting me have my 2 cents and for your post of both it made for a refreshing and amusing evening read ^_^ God Bless!

    Bethany

  96. the soaps don’t help women adjust to reality. The actors divorce and the wife moves into a luxury downtown condo and socializes with beautiful new friends..not gonna happen. The married man is the last human that can be made fun of and belittled , without fear of being sued. There is a new yogurt commercial that shows the wife bragging about a key lime pie in the fridge, the man starts looking for it and when she sees him. in a stern voice says “hon..what are you doing ?” He looks guilty and shuts the door..The show “everyone loves raymond” is one big put-down of ray and brother. Make fun of a woman, fatty, minority, midget , foreigner etc and see how fast the ACLU will call you. I see women in clubs pass by the “boring” guys and gravitate for the exciting bad boy..then complain they can’t find a good man.

  97. I have been a stay at home mom for 5 years now. When our son was born, my husband and I both had low paying jobs and could not afford to have me stay home. Every day I had to leave him at a sitters I was heart broken! When we found out that we were having another baby my husband decided to go look for another job. He always had a dream of me staying home, while I on the other hand was not a good house keeper and had no desire to stay home. The funny thing is when my kids were born, I wanted a spotless house, to stay home with them, and to make my husband happy. After our daughter was born my husband was making decent money and when I went to return to work after missing so much time, my sitter informed me at the very last moment that she needed almost a month off work. I had no time to find a new sitter, all but $20 of my check was going to the sitter, and had no time left to take off of work. I quit my job and decided to be a stay at home mom. Yes there have been times I was ready to pull my hair out because of the kids, (I never wanted kids for a long time!) but I also know that I had my children to enjoy them not to ship them off! My husband works from 7am till he is done and some days thats not till 10pm, so when he comes home I want him to come home to a clean house, (he installs cable and has been in nasty houses most days) a warm meal, and the comforts of a HOME. I also I am glad to be able to teach my children respect, how you are to treat one another, and to teach my son that it is still ok to love and respect women and hold doors open for them, as well as teaching my daughter that independence is great but also being treated with respect and letting the door be held for you is great as well. I love it when we go any where and my son opens the door for me with out me asking and then waits for others behind us to follow through the door before he joins me at my side. I have had many women inform me that I have a very nice young man and you don’t see that much anymore. My son is 6, my daughter just turned 5 and I also have a1 year old, and for me to hear that I am doing something right makes it all worth it. I love hearing that what I do for my family is something that makes the guys my husband works with jealous and they wish their stay at home wives did the same. I have also heard women tell me they cant do it cause their isn’t enough time or they just don’t feel they should have to do it all. For one my husband doesn’t leave a mess for me to clean up after him, my kids know they have to clean up their own toys (even my 1 year old will go off if things are not where they should be) and I may not go out and earn a pay check, but my job is keeping the house going and making sure everyone is cared for. I worked in construction building new houses and then met my husband and he informed me that is what he loved most about me was I wasn’t a prissy girl but yet when we went out no one could tell that I did a mans job for a living. I loved working and would still be working if we didn’t have kids but now that we have kids being a stay at home mom is my job and is very rewarding!

  98. I don’t think the issue is really the “tasks” discussed. I think it is more of a heart issue. God calls husband and wife both to think of the other person first. To love the other person selflessly. When we do this (which requires help from God because we can’t do it on our own), we are worshipping God!

    I wrote a little more about this issue here: http://www.icanteachmychild.co.....-tale.html

  99. I’m 56 years old (57 in October), and will be retiring from 35 years of teaching music this fall. i have spent the last 35 years wishing I could be more like the 1950’s wife, but struggling with a type A personality that caused me to put WAY more into my career than my husband and children deserved.

    What bothers me more than anything? I can’t go back and do it over again. My children are grown and on their own, and after 33 years of marriage, my husband and I are struggling to find the things about each other that made us fall in love to begin with. Fortunately, we both have a deep faith that keeps us together, and keeps us trying to find some joy in each other.

    My point? Do NOT wait until you are my age, getting ready to retire, and regretting 35 years of putting your career before husband and children to WAKE UP!!! You can’t go back and “fix” it! God blessed me with a wonderful man…full of flaws, and full of wonderful, endearing qualities…who has loved me enough to make a life with me even though neither of us has lived up to the expectations of the other 100%…or even 50% to be honest.

    So, we keep striving. I am looking forward to being a little more free to be the woman I have always desired to be, to really begin communicating with my husband, and to create an environment of peace and beauty in my home. I wish I had gotten an earlier start, but I don’t believe it’s too late. I’ve lost “time”, but never the “desire” to be the good wife, and the woman God created me to be. I’m just a little lost as to the “what’s and how’s” of it all.

    I’ve enjoyed reading these posts, and look forward to reading more!

    Thanks, Heather! This is a wonderful ministry!

  100. I am not married, but I AM in a de-facto relationship and I am appalled by the “modern housewife” list!!

    I LOVE MY PARTNER!! Therefore if I am home first I’ll happily prepare dinner! I love seeing the look on his face when he eats my food! he loves it!

    I’m also happy to clean up! with him not around it makes cleaning a lot easier and I know how de-stressed we BOTH feel when the house is clean! I’d rather be at home doing something productive than going out shopping and having coffee with my girlfriends who are all too happy to spend their partners money on clothes!

    I only work casually, so I have the time to do the things he does not!

    Don’t get me wrong, he does pitch in with housework on the weekends, it is very much a team effort! I don’t clean up because I’m submissive to my partner! I clean up because I am house-proud!

    My partner and I both have sensible balances between the modern world and the old fashioned world.

    The modern feminist approach doesn’t work for several reasons, but rather than typing it all up I can just ask people to please refer to “When Mars and Venus Collide” by John Gray!

  101. I think there needs to be a balanced view on this topic.

    I consider myself a feminist housewife and I agree that for the most part the advice in the column is relatively good. The homemakers are the glue that hold the family together and keep the household running smoothly whether they are the wife or husband. However there is not a one-size fits all mold and I do not believe this role is gender specific. The detail and advice outlined in the original article are just common courtesies. Of course after someone has had a long day at work they would like to come home to a calm clean relaxed environment, I think this is a great way to show your love and appreciation for your partner.

    There was a time when my husband stayed home and I worked and he was more than happy to do laundry, prepare dinner and greet me with hugs and kisses. And how the roles are reversed and I am just as happy to return the love.

    I think what may turn people off from this advice is the idea that it MUST be this way in order to work and that it is automatically the wifes duty to perform these tasks.

    I’m also not religious in any sense but I take pride in taking care of my family its how I demonstrate my love for them. I also believe that strong families build strong communities. Today we have become so lazy and I too do not agree with the “modern housewife” list, at least not this one. I would make a few changes to the original list but none of the changes would include drowning in cocktails. I feel really lucky to be able to stay home with my daughter and take care of our family.

  102. I just don’t get why the 1950s housewife revival is so closely related to this Christian movement, as if Christians have a monopoly on raising families and taking care of their husbands. It is definitely possible to be a loving caring wife and not be religious. Just putting that out there.

  103. please my sides ache from laughing so much… oh god where did men or some daft women get this idea from.. Sure its fine to have a dinner ready.. but the rest you can keep.. every time I read it I go into fits… take his shoes off and get a pillow… dont question him.. you know he ll be truthful….oh yeah…… where do they find these Stepford perfect males.. They dont live near me and never have…. We have enough trouble taking care of ourselves, do all these rules still cover when a woman is p;egnant I wonder.. is she still expected to be at his feet adoring him. or vomiting..

  104. i fully agree with the article. i believe that the old ways have always been best. Thanks for the tip of always being at my best and well refreshed looking pleasant and having a smile when he comes back from work. He always says that he misses me through out the day and wonders how i do it. Gosh its really hard and with the fact that im also working it seems difficult. A submissive woman just as she is described in Proverbs 31 (Her husband is well known through her works). I love my husband and if i have to suck it up at time i would do it. Its been difficult, but i get more rewards and feel more fulfilled whenever i do that. Thank you so much for the honesty that we as women need to hear, even if we dont like it at times.

  105. When I first met my future Husband, I wanted to be a stay at home Mum and devote myself to him and my family.
    I had one degree which allowed me to make a small casual independent income from my Future Husband while working at home. This was always my ideal, to be a good submissive wife in a relationship where he would lead and we would be centred on Gods Kingdom in our relationship and family.
    Sadly soon after meeting my Future Husband (we will be married in a few months) I realised he does not earn enough to pay rent/mortgage and say eat! So I went back to uni and have done a teaching degree. I am now looking for work as a teacher.

    My ideal is to stay at home and support my future family, but he loves his job so much that he wont change to earn more. So now I have to go to work and also work in the home when we are married to be a good wife. I am not even sure that when we have kids we will be able to afford things if I am not teaching (which I don’t really want to do). So in submitting to my husband, that he wants to keep his job, I am not going to be able to be the stay at home wife and support him by raising a family. Yet I know that this marriage is where God wants me.

    It is really hard to choose sides in this discussion. I will keep an eye on it with interest.

  106. It’s unfortunate that so few people (apparently the author of this blog included) are not informed on what really went on behind the 1950s housewives’ MASK.
    -In the idealized 1950s time period, the majority of pills and drugs went to women–that includes alcohol, pills, and anti-depressants.
    -In the 1950s, there was a sexual double standard (we all know what that means–the “loving” husband gets it when he wants it and how he wants it, and the wife gets little to no say, by and large).
    -Housewives were lonely and relegated to endless child care. In the 1950s, there was an expanding middle class, with a rise in industrializing techniques (vacuums, dishwashers, etc), and low inflation. This was the “idealized” time, where the men/husbands were industrial, and the women/wives were domestic. This was the “single bread-winning” time, when one paycheck was enough. So no, women didn’t have to work to bring in a higher income, because it was enough for the husband to. But in our patriarchal society, the women housewives didn’t have a choice. Sociological studies showed that women and wives were bored, lonely, and isolated (see bullet point on drug use above.) (This bullet point also sheds light on the feminist movement of the 1970s. Inflation went up, which meant that women HAD to start working to bring in a much-needed higher income. However, they still had to come home to the 2nd shift every night, ie, cleaning, cooking, taking care of the children. I’m sure you women can back me up–this is A LOT of work. So not only was the feminist movement in reaction to not wanting to be cooped up all day, it was also in reaction to the realization that we literally CANNOT work two shifts, and husbands by and large wouldn’t help. But I digress…)
    -In the 1950s, society turned a blind eye on alcoholism and domestic violence. Domestic violence here includes marital rape. Much of the police force wouldn’t pursue cases of domestic violence and marital rape, because the “man was the head of the home” and “how could it be rape if they’re married?”

    As a young Christian woman, this is a tragedy to me, and the rules and regulations in the 1950s housewives’ list is an abomination. Ephesians 5:21 says “Submit to one another in reverence to Christ.” This means that we should be serving each other. Of course wives should respect their husbands, because this is how many males feel loved most. Of course men should love their wives as they love their own selves, because this is how most women feel most loved. But we are called to respect one another and submit to one another.

    That 1950s list has nothing to do with Christian doctrine or theology, and submitting to one another could take on many forms. I have known many loving, God-honoring relationships in which some of the following in one or more families has taken place: 1) the husband is the stay-at-home parent. The husband, out of love for his wife, freed her to pursue something she was very passionate about, and it worked better for their family that way. 2) The husband and wife switch off taking the second shift. Since they each enjoying serving each other and washing one another’s feet, they took joy in cooking one another meals, or cooking together.
    There are many more cases of wives doing the yard work and taxes, and men doing the cooking and cleaning. It’s not any more “God-honoring” for a wife to clean than it is for a husband to clean.

    Also, I understand wanting to look attractive for your spouse, but nowhere does Jesus nor Paul point this out as an important aspect to a relationship. If anything, the Bible endorses the opposite of dressing up, or pursuing the things of this world (including fashion and make up). Rather, we are called to become one, to love one another unselfishly. We are all human. In our humanity, we have morning breath, we are plainer than if we wore make up, we use the toilet, we throw up sometimes, we’re smelly, and our hair is wrinkled in the morning. We are human. This is how we were created by God, in the image of God. God CREATED us this way. God did not create lipstick and hair ribbons and fashion trends and hair curlers–mankind did. So in our natural state in which we were created, husbands are still called to love their wives as they love themselves.

    I hope my explanation on the other side of things helps illuminate some points. Know that it is done in humility, and submission to Christ.

  107. Hi all, there are some great comments listed in response to this thread, and I just thought I would share my perspective.

    First of all, Lynette, I also noticed that. However, I realized that most likely, these women are just outlining their homes in the foundation of their faith. They use Christianity as a guide for their lives, and identify with others through it.

    However, I’m writing as a non-Christian, non-married, no children (yet!). I’m currently 22. Earlier this year, I saw this article posted elsewhere and laughed at it. I can honestly say that I had a change of heart.

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for a long time now. He is a great man: He keeps active, cares for me, and strives to look his best for me. Thanks to his hard work, I’ve been able to stay at home and take online courses (I have a Bachelors, and I’m pursuing a Masters). For some reason, I still continue to whine, complain, argue, be fussy, and for what reason? I should be grateful to be able to further my education! Instead, I was acting unappreciative to the fact that he’s supporting me mentally and financially 100% throughout this (I do freelance work, but it’s not nearly enough to support myself).

    I had a conversation with him about wanting to work on our household “roles” to include more of his needs, and his response was, “Babe, you don’t have to do that just for me, but if it makes you happy, I’m willing to give it a try.” Note that he didn’t jump for joy and say “Yeah, woman! Get in that kitchen and make me a sammich!” I thought that I could start by making our house more like a home than a frat house: switching to more home-cooked meals (we ate a lot of processed food and take-out), cleaning up around the house, and not wearing my pajamas all the time. It sounded an awful lot like being a 1950s housewife, and a quick Google search on “How to be a 1950s wife” led me to this article.

    I think that many women would be more receptive to this article if:

    (1)There was also a version listing out what makes a “Good Man,” so that they could see that men aren’t expected to just do whatever they want in response to their wife’s effort. This article is written for women who have a strong, loving, respectful man who works to the bone to provide for his family. Not the “bad boy” so many women (too many) get tangled up with today who shows no value, adoration, or care for his wife/girlfriend.

    (2)The wording was updated–some of the wording makes this article sound unnecessarily harsh, which puts off many women. One of the pointers that is up for most debate is one that really stood out to me for my own life: the one about the conversations. I don’t think the article means “Keep your mouth shut, you yapping dog! How dare you speak your opinion in the presence of your wiser, better husband?!” I think it means to not overwhelm him the second he gets home. Previously, my boyfriend would get home from a nine or ten hour workday, and the second he got in the door, I would have a laundry list of things to talk to him about. Not important things, just random stories about my friends, family, and tv that don’t really relate to him. After about 30 minutes of my blabbing, I’d say “Anyways, how was your day?” and about 2 minutes into that, I’d switch the topic back to myself: “Your coworker did that? Well, if you think THAT’S bad…” haha. After reading this, I thought to myself, “Oh dear. That must be so annoying for him!” One goal I’ve set for myself is to hold well-balanced conversations with him instead of only caring about my thoughts.

    Anyways, just my two cents on the article. I don’t think it tries to be demeaning, oppressive, or *gulp* “insane.” I think it’s just a guide to suggest to women how they can show appreciation for the man who takes care of them. Every women doesn’t have to follow every single detail. As with any advice, you take what works best for your life, and use it to make yourself, and in this case your relationship, better.

  108. You write: Am I wrong? Am I crazy? Am I the only one who thinks that this list from the 1950’s is something worth striving for?

    Yes you’re wrong and Yes you’re crazy.

    It’s right to respect all people, men, children, women, all people of color, race, gender preferences….ALL PEOPLE. It’s right to respect all animals, too. To love and to cherish EVERYTHING in this beautiful world.

    Why would you just focus in such a restrictive way on one person in one role? Why not write a blog on respect for all living and nonliving things?

    You need to love yourself too! Why put yourself in such a restrictive role? Loving yourself doesn’t mean putting down your husband, but it also doesn’t mean putting him in a box like you’re putting yourself in a box. Evolving our ways of thinking allows us to see that when we define a role for someone, like husband, like wife, we put them in a box. Why can’t husbands stay at home and caregive?

    The Housekeeping Monthly list you sent is so restrictive! Not just for women, but for men too! Give men a break. You think you’re loving them, but you’re just squeezing them into a role. And squeezing yourself, too, and calling it love.

    That list has nothing to do with love.

  109. I am so shocked by the comments on this site that it has made me very sad. Do women truly believe that they are to allow their husbands to basically ignore them until they are ready to speak to them? You do not need to be submissive to be a good wife.

    As the years go on people, life etc evolve (thank goodness or we would still be walking with our knuckles dragging on the ground!). The Bible is from thousands of years ago, surely you cannot expect people to be living how people lived thousands or even 60 years ago?! Just think about what you are saying and have little bit of respect for yourselves. If you want to live your lives as they did in the stone ages get off the internet, they certainly didn’t have such luxuries then.

    I truly hope that you are not teaching your daughters to behave in the same way.

  110. I am 23 and have been married for 4 years. I love everything about the 1950s and 1940s. I want to be that 1950s wife. I don’t see it as being a slave because as a Christian my role is to help my husband not lead my husband. I find nothing wrong with the modern wife but it doesn’t shock me that the divorce rate is steadily rising. How can a wife help her husband if she is too busy helping herself and her life. When we marry, we become a team. I do not think that a wife should give and give and give without the husband giving a little too. However, we shouldn’t complain because we agree to be the ‘good wife’ when we opt to be married. My church makes all soon to be married couples go thru marriage counciling for a few months before they agree to marry the couple. This has helped my husband and I so much that I recommend it. You talk about pety things like who should take out the garbage to serious things like punishing the children. It is so important for couples to communicate or the husband will expect the 1950s good wife and the modern wife will expect the husband to be a male version of the 1950s good wife. I strive to be that loving and caring 1950s good wife and I think more marriages would work if more women would try too.

  111. Heather: In reply to your request for feedback on that very negative post some while back, I’m sure many of us felt that it was a horrible and degrading post and that the writer had missed the point.

    There will always be those who feel threatened by the choices of others I suppose, but if we are such ‘doormats’ why do they feel so threatened? The last time women provoked such strong responses it was for feminism. Many housewives felt threatened by the rise of feminism and many of both sexes felt that womanhood was demeaned by the move towards the workplace. Now women are assumed to be demeaning themselves and demolishing the progress of feminism choosing to be housewives, yet surely the point of the feminist movement was to secure women CHOICE and to allow them to break away from stereotypes? By refusing to remain with the latest stereotype of womanhood, ’she who works outside the home is best’ are we really serving feminism so poorly? Are we really such doormats if we can provoke such a vitriolic response? If the author feels as fiercely as that, I would imagine we are actually being quite powerful and radical.

    To suggest that our choices come from stupidity or anti-feminist principles is simply foolish - I have a First Class Honours Degree and a Masters from a leading British University and have written and researched a great deal about women’s roles in early feminism. I don’t feel I am letting anyone down by exploring one of the many faces of womanhood. How could I hope to understand modern feminism or historical women by purely staying at home or by pure career focus? Why do so many people who are against the housewife’s role assume that someone prepared to take on the role of housewife is not also a career woman? Ironically the most offensively ignorant statement in the whole attack ‘get a backbone’ fails to recognise the huge number of women (and men) who do valuable work in the home because the workplace is not adapted to their abilities and needs. I have Cerebral Palsy (C.P.)and a benign brain tumour and after many years of study my supervisor and consultants at last had to advise me that the physical demands of an academic career were beyond my capabilities. This was heartbreaking news as I love to teach and learn. Where outside academia would I find a community of like-minded people who were understanding yet exacting, mentally stimulating yet did not demand the impossible of me? Where also would I find people who did not judge me by the world’s standards and reject me for physical imperfections? I could not find that community and felt isolated, depressed and undervalued. Until now. Thankfully there is a great and gracious community of women (and men) who strive to fulfil a particular role and follow a particular path with many of the exacting standards shown in academia and with all the good humour and tolerance shown in the best University faculties.

    The person who lets womanhood or manhood down is the one who tries to deflate another’s opinions with spite and bile in order to gain a sense of dominance. Backbone resides in the man or woman prepared to march to the beat of a different drum and certainly not in those propped up with recreational drugs and self-importance. I could quote at length from respected feminist writers from the Middle Ages down to the present day, to prove that strong women have always taken paths that seemed anathema to others and caused controversy but prefer to ‘gender bend’ with two male authors of principle who believed that the quality of the activity and the spirit in which it is done elevates both the apparently mundane task and the one who undertakes it:

    Who sweeps a room as for thy laws
    Makes that and the action fine’ (George Herbert)

    They also serve
    Who only stand and wait’ (John Milton)

    Even if women who serve the needs of the family are returning to a bygone role, I suspect at best feminism will not be reversed but only halted in her tracks, but even in such a case, in the sort of speeded up world where only a brain tumour will slow you down, a little waiting might be a good thing.

    I agree also that it is possible to be loving and caring without being religious, though I have always found I operated better on faith and certainly better on faith than on drugs.

  112. So, you want your husband to care for and provide for you… but you won’t look after him back?

    Sorry girlies, you may think you’re ultra-feminist and empowered but actually you look like a whiny, pathetic girl who is stroppy and ungrateful.

  113. Actually, there is more I want to add to my previous comment.

    Firstly I would quickly like to say I’m not remotely religious, I’m a lesbian. And I’m also a teenager. I was raised in a house where both parents worked. I’m not ‘married’ or with someone either.

    I would like to say that I love the 50’s. Everything from the clothes, the music and the way of life. I like the 50’s housewife image, the way women weren’t afraid to be women and men behaved like gentlemen.

    Your list from the 50’s was really interesting and made me smile. I agree with them, mostly, at the very least. There are a few bits that I would be uneasy doing. But I think if I did this I would be totally happy.

    Number one- Cook him his favourite meal. Yes, of course! Cook something he likes, I personally really enjoy cooking, and I certainly enjoy it when someone appreciates my cooking. If he doesn’t like it then I’ll fix him something quick and make sure I improve my recipe for next time.

    Number two- Time to make yourself look good. Oh my god, yes! Of course! I personally would see it as an insult if my partner never made any effort. I enjoy looking nice. I enjoy putting on my make up, showering, spraying on expensive perfume. Combing my hair and pulling on nice underwear and dress. I NEED this. It makes ME happy. It doesn’t make me pathetic or weak. I ENJOY IT!

    Number three- Be happy. Duh! No one wants to come home to a dull and snotty wife. In fact, no one wants a grumpy hubby. if you don’t like a grumpy hubby then cheer him up! Simple!

    Number four- Tidy up. Another really obvious one that benefits both. I hate mess and clutter, I feel really good after clearing up. And I personally don’t like having sex in a messy area.

    Number five- Fire or fan. Once again, really easy and a nice touch. I remember my mum telling me about a time just after her and my father married and she tried to light the fire for him and ended up smoking out the whole house. He found it cute (After her father came down and opened the chimney hatch and de-smoked the house). I also hate being hot and sticky or old, so a fan or fire would likely be on anyway.

    Number six- Minimise the noise and be happy to see him. Once again, it’s not hard to turn some noises off and relax with him. Again, no one wants to come home to a grumpy cow.

    Number seven- The evening is his…. well, I’m sure I can change my partners mind on what they want to do if I really wanted to. but why greet them with a list of DIY jobs that need doing?

    Number eight- Your goal, and complaints and issues. Again, surely a tranquil house benefits you both, and stops you ‘needing’ those cocktails. And why is it the second they’re through the door it’s a chore list?

    Number nine- Make him comfortable. Duh. Really, it’s an obvious one. it just is!

    I personally didn’t find the annotated version very funny, even as a joke. if I get to the point I need, or joke about needing alcohol to be happy to see someone other than my mother-in-law I know I need to get out.

    I want someone who can protect me, someone who loves me, and someone who cares for me as I care for them. Ideally I’d like to be a house wife. However, I do want a job. I desperately want to go into law. And I like expensive clothes, so I will work and I will be a good wife.

    Does this make me pathetic? No, because I CHOSE to do this. Feminists stab themselves in their feet, they really do. They go on about how it’s the women’s choice, and how she should be empowered, but if this is the women’s choice then you cannot complain. The CHOICE is what you fight for.

    Thank you, Heather, I really enjoyed reading this, and laughing at some of the bratty comments of those who were so rude as they disagreed.

  114. I for one have a different situation.i am the bread winner in the family.but unfortunately my husband does not make a good house wife.my house is always dirty,laundry never put away and all he does is “work on the computer all day.(he makes no income)so im expected to either deal witmy dirty house or clean it my self when im finished from a 12 hr shift.the one thing he does do is walk the kids to school.but thats cuz I work til 4am and hes nice enough to let me sleep.(after I get them ready of course)i let him try to get them ready once and they looked raggamuffins.any way I wish the roles were switched.men dont make good mothers or wives.i would give anything to be able to stay home with the kids.

  115. Mrs. Jason Clermont
    November 7th, 2011 at 11:47 am

    I agree with you Lynett. I have many friends who are not Christians who are fantastic wives and mothers. And in the 1950’s there were many housewives who were not Christians who took care of their husbands just as well as housewives who were. God instructs women to love and honor their husbands. Which is not always easy, I know, but I think most of us try. Wives are actually getting the sweet end of the lollipop because God instructs husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the church. That is impossible for humans to do because only God can do it. My point is that God has really given wives the opportunity to succeed and demands much more from the men.
    We were meant to live in a perfect world where husbands and wives aimed to please each other more than themselves. The idea of the 50’s housewife is not a ploy to get women to bow down to men. It was expected that men and women please each other more than themselves like God has instructed. And yes, there were women stuck in bad marriages or situations of which they could not easily leave. However, it is in times of crisis that we rely on God and He makes us stronger.
    We also have to remember that in the 1950’s it was the case that more people were “churchy” (if you will) than people who were not. That was just the times.

  116. Thanks you. I enjoyed reading. Glad that there are other wives out there that wants to be a WIFE. :)

  117. I came across this guide in my English class, I was searching in Google for comments about this guide when I found yours. I perfectly agree with you and all of my classroom friends do too. no big surprise but the girls were all shocked with this guide and the boys, because we are all about 16 years old, the boys loved it.

  118. So many lovely comments!

    I have to agree with Lynette’s [above] 100%!
    I am by NO means religious, but my husband & I have been/will always be happily married and great parents!

    Sorry so many of you are blinded to the successful marriages around the globe in non-religious/non-Christian areas, and fail to see the high divorce rate among Christian marriages.

    Just sayin’.

  119. Some things on that list should be mutual. However, in my opinion, it shouldn’t be something any one “strives” for unless they want to. If someone asks you why you do one of the things on that list for your husband, I would pity you if you said something like, “Because that’s how to be a good wife.” That response would mean you are trying to fit into a pre-decided role. However, a response like, “I wanted to.” or, “I like to make him happy.” means you do it without thought; you do it because you want to, not because you feel you have to in order to be a good wife. Who wouldn’t want to make their husbands happy? Those with abusive husbands or whose husbands take them for granted.

  120. Tania has the right idea.

  121. All I have to say if you want to be a dumb woman who caters to her husband’s every need, go for it, knock yourself out. I would prefer to me a medical doctor than some bible thumping groveling woman. You can continue to dwell in your world of bigotry.

    What we need to realize is, that the narcissistic rude men need subordinate wives. Everyone has there place…right ladies?

  122. The list IS something all wives should strive for even if your out all day your husband should be the authority and you need to treat him as such..
    A happy man = a happy home so do everything in your power to reduce and stress he may have. If your proud to be a woman be one cook clean and take care of your man.

    There’s a reason men have been superior since the beginning of time so treat them like such idc if u feel like u have less rights. You get to take care og the man you love and a man that gets everything he needs at home won’t wonder else where

  123. Heather, it is good to hear women in “modern” times still desiring traditional values! The beginning of the decline of the family was the “burn your bra” era. The 50’s was the last decade it was popular to reflect Biblical roles of the husband as the head, the wife as the respectful and submissive helper and kids respectful to both parents.

    I HATE the mindset of the lady who mocked the traditional husband and wife roles. I feel sorry for her in fact, along with the many of women who subscribe to that “modern” way of thinking.

    Heather, your explanation of true liberation was refreshing!

    It is sad, even in the church, how many “modern” women follow “modern” culture which is to disrespect their men. It is “cool” to not cook for him, to back talk, to be cold towards him, to deprive him of sex. The marriage vows have been so watered down. Where is the mention of wives submitting to their husband? It is now an “equal” list.

    The biggest fallacy in the argument for women’s “lib” creating equality with men is equality in roles does not equal equality in importance. In fact, the “if a man can so it so can I” mindset actually means a woman has to be like a man to be important. How does that increase the value of a woman? It does not! Being a Biblical women, valuing her God-given role, is what truly gives her value.

    Heather, your husband is one lucky man. I hope he truly appreciates what he has in you. I pray to meet a lady like you one day. Until then I choose to remain single and happy, than married to a disrespectful woman and miserable.

  124. I have the original from my grandmother. Read it when I was a little girl. The only problem is there was never a guide written for men that received the same amount of attention. This left me with a love that does not understand why I do the things described. He thinks I do not have a striving spirit. Wow!

  125. Proud wife and mommy
    January 19th, 2012 at 9:26 am

    After reading half of these comments I had to leave my own. I am a 24 yr old stay at home wife of 5 years and mother of 1 and I am proud to be. I do just about everything for my husband in our home. I cook, clean, serve him drinks, wash his cloths, etc. You know why I do? Because its what you are supposed to do when you stay home! You’re damn right you should do just about everything for your husband when you don’t work. In return my husband loves and cares for me, he does the manly roles such as trash and repairs. He also holds doors for me, feeds our daughter one time a night to give me a break and has wonderful conversations with me when hes home relaxing. My husband has a very demanding job so I try to make our house as quiet and relaxing as possible. I’m not a doormat or abused, and just because I want to be a good wife doesnt make me a moron so dont insult me. I could insult working mothers who choose to be away by calling them bad wifes, bad moms, absent parents, etc. My mom was a single mother who had to work and she was constantly misserable. I’m lucky to be home and serve my husband when he works hard to keep our family with a roof over our heads and food in our stomach. Now if your married to a loser who beats you yeah leave him, thats a no brainer. But if you’re with a man who is a real man than be a real woman and take care of him.

  126. Hi all
    i read this and found it refreshing and quite motivating that there are still people who really strive to live according to the Lord’s Word. im 22, Christian and not married yet (we’ve decided on 3-4 years from now). its absolutely beautiful to see this. Any couple thats planning to get married should do a proper study of the biblical Wife and Husband according the the Bible.
    The only complication now though is that more often than not, couples cannot afford for the wife to be a stay-at-home mom. Guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
    All the best to everyone. Thanks.

  127. Hi everyone,

    Wowza, what a debate you have on your hands Heather! I bet you didnt think youd get this much feedback.

    I have never read these articles that we are all talking about, however from reading what you had posted, I do not believe this is the Modern way to being a wife and I think it was merely a joke.However sometimes a good cocktail would be nice.

    I am 25 and have been living with my husband almost 5 years,married 2.5yrs, have a son almost 3 yrs old and have been paying of a morgage for 2 years and both paying off car loans. Growing up, I always dreamt of being a stay at home wife and mum and being the heart of the home :) But times have changed. I currently work in childcare and my husband works extremly hard for us, sometimes 6 days a week. We bicker quite abit and I have come to the realisation that im just not happy. Its hard enough making time for eachother as well as work, cook, clean, raise a child, have time for yourself and time for your families. The modern day life is too demanding and full on to be able to be a ‘1950s house wife’. I would love nothing more then to be a dovoted wife and dovoted mother. I have questioned my hubby on the idea of me returning to ‘home’ and dovoting my time to being a stay at home mum/house wife. I returned to work when my son was 10 months old and have hated it ever since.

    Sorry I dont even know where im going with all this…I guess what i want to say is I would love to stay at home, treat my husban like royalty and be a good house wife. I dont argree with putting his needs ahead of mine all the time, or his opinions mean more then mine or that i should become a stepford wife but follow the values of loving him and appreciating him and raising his children, and allowing him to be proud to call me his wife. This is what would make me happy. A ‘good wife’ depends on the family and situations itself. lets face it…i wife/mum IS the heart of the home.a happy wife/mum a happy life.. a happy wife…a happy husband. If only life wasnt going to fast, maybe I could catch up and take a breath and afford to stay at home instead of the path of going to work and hating every minute of it because i would love nothing more then to put my son and husband forst and before work. Lets face it..at the moment….it seems the working life is more important then our families…(life to expensive not to be that way )

  128. I feel stuck. Only his life is important I am not suppose to have any goals in life. Not only that the kids are gone. I don’t have a purpose anymore. It was importaant the kids got an education but not me. All I am suppose to be is happy cleaning and cooking.
    what really????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!NOT!!!!! His career is all that matters. NO I dont think so. He works his 40 hr week plus another 20 every week. I never know when he is coming home. Work is his first wife. It has precedents over everything, even if we have plans to go out work calls at home and forget it. We won’t be going out. He says I should be satisfied with just staying at home. I wanted an education I fought hard for it and never got it, never supported. I have a desire to start my own business he says no. it would interfer with his retirement plans. I feel like I know first hand about the nursery ryhm of Peter peter pumpkin eater had a wife so he put her in a pumpkin shell and there he kept her very well. I have a husband that put me in a house and I should just be happy all the day. NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  129. I have been married for 35 years. I feel like the saying, “too old to be young and too young to be old”, from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Why shouldn’t my life’s goals matter? His work has always had precedents, then the kids, plus church resposobilities and then if there is any energy left me, always at the bottom of the rung of the ladder. I am always corrected like a little kid. When will I have any precedents? I was a stay at home mom I had some jobs nothing important. They were always those first type jobs. I am lonely even though I am married. I had a mother that worked I was always cared for by others. I know what the daycare kids feel like. I had 4 kids couldn’t afford daycare or babysitters or a nanny. So I stayed home and tried to make the home pleasent and happy. I also tried to go back to school at night, didn’t work. Tried to go back to school while the kids were at school then I got pregnant for number 4, and while they were in college. Money ran out, couldn’t afford another loan,with car payments, house payments, the always credit card payment, plus regular monthly bills, clothing and activity costs for the kids, couldn’t get finicial aide. I looked into everything. I even checked out the program for dislocated housewifes found out that was for divorcees. I worked at the college under a program called student employment always got laughed at and made fun of (literally) because of my age and let go, just because I was 20 years older and didn’t have the experience or the knowledge that most of the other career woman had that worked there. I was even denied special training on the computers at the college just because the person over me didn’t feel that I could do it. I was denied of some of the resposibilities that the same type of other employess had. Yes, there was age discrimnation going on in the office that I worked at. Then I got let go, and I had no more money for college. When I told them it was only way to pay for college they said and I quote,”I don’t care.” So ended my college education. All the while raising 4 teenage children, running the house and attending to the household duties, cooking, cleaning, laundery, and attending to household financies. So now the kids are all gone, 1 grand child that I get to see about 2x’s a year, 3 out of the 4 live about 1000 miles away or more. My husband still working like he did and have always done. The dog seems to be making a better companion than my husband. Yet I am not suppose to have goals of my own. I am suppose to be happy with what I have accomplished. What are you kidding me I am miserable. I feel like all of life has been sucked out of me. What accomplishments? My life was put on hold forever and now I feel like it will never take off. I will never have the oppertunity to have accomplished my own goals. I feel like all will have known is failure for myself. This is suppose to be the happy household wife??????

  130. I can’t believe how disrespectful some people are being about this. intelligence has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to put others needs before your own. the world would be a much better place if we could all make even a meager attempt at being a decent wife. children need guidance not someone to simply insure they don’t die during the day. the majority of negative replies seem to come from those who need this guide the most. tell me what you did today that truly mattered? I was a nurse, chef, maid, and school teacher among many other things. I have taught my children to respect even those of you who don’t have the decency to respect anyone. I have shown my husband what true love is. I have raised a wonderful family putting my husband and children first always. I have given up more than I can remember but I have gained so much in return. what is so wrong with loving and respecting your husband that you have to resort to ridiculous name calling?

  131. Hi Heather, I just wanted to say firstly, I am so glad I found your blog. Do you have a website with members I could visit? I want to say I totally agree with everything you say. Second, I want to say that I really get upset and feel disrespected when liberated women tell me (us) that we are wrong. I have read Fascinating Womanhood, but never thought about it’s original copy year and how that would be different from what I have read. I have also read The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands and of Marriage by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. These were all great books that helped me. My husband and I have been married 25 years last Oct. It was a fight the first 15 years. I did what my mother and her sisters taught me and “trained my husband” kept him his place, never let him have control over any decision or finances. One of the very first things I learned was to give control of certain things to my husband even if I was scared that he would mess it up. Distrust was our biggest enemy. So the first thing I handed over was our finances. I did a very bad job at the finances for the first 15 years or better. I had to admit to my husband that it is not one of my stronger skill settings. Pride kept me from saying it for so long, to admit that he may be better at something than myself. That is what the generation before me taught me. Remember…women went through this phase, “what ever a man could do, a woman could do better”.
    We had four children all back to back, kept me busy and stressed most of the time. It is hard to acknowledge now that I treated my husband very badly the first 15 years. I have spent several nights still apologizing to my wonderful husband after all these years.
    I find it so frustrating to not have friends that have my beliefs, no place on the internet to go for friends, support, and advise. Even though my husband and I have chosen this life style only a few years ago, I still have bouts of depression occassionaly from being a lonely housewife. I don’t go anywhere, I love my home and like to stay there. I feel comfortable there and safe, but I do get lonely. I don’t have any friends and no family with exception to my husband and children. My children are adults now, the two eldest girls live outside the home and I still have two boys each just in their early 20’s that live at home. My husband says, “maybe you would like a part time job at the craftstore or something to help you feel more socialized”? I told him that I might like that but questioned if I could keep up on my other obligations at home as well.
    I am a “falling short Christian”. I don’t have a church nor do I have a Christian husband. I am looking for a church that strongly believes in my beliefs but non-denominational. One that I could get my husband interested in if he saw other men there like himself. I live in Phoenix, so if anyone knows of a good church here, please let me know.
    It took a lot of give from me to see what exactly my husband could give back but it worked. And it’s still working. He give me structure, peace, guidance, and as much love as I can take. There is just one big thing missing. God! I want my husband to lead me in to church. My life would be so complete. No my husband not being a Christian is not keeping me from church (okay, maybe a little). I said I was a “falling short Christian” which meant that I can talk the talk but don’t walk the walk essentially. I have personal reasons for not being in church at the present time, that is why I need my husband’s hand. When I have gone to church in the past, it always felt like only half of me was there. I love Jesus, have been a back sliding Christian for 24 years, thank God, He knows that I love Him. Any advise?

  132. I have been brought up in a ‘feminist’ household, with a modern take on gender roles. I have struggled to reconcile what it taught me with my clearly innate desire to effectively and lovingly nurture my family and care for my husband. If you decide to be a housewife, then surely the practical side of these things are your job? I want to worship and respect my husband - and I want society to accept that it is ok for me to do that! I have worked all my life until now, and that works too - you just both have different responsibilities - agreed between you.

    I think we are all different,and what is comfortable for us will vary, but what this book is saying is being unfairly taken outside its historical and practical context. Sure the don’t ask your husband questions thing immediately raises hackles - but thinking about it, wouldn’t destructive type arguing be prevented if a couple agreed a non-emotive non-judgmental time and way to raise concerns with each other, rather than just heckling your life partner as things come up? None of us likes that at work and we all know we should think of tactful constructive ways of raising things with colleagues, why do we insist it is ok to treat our life partners with less respect than we automatically give our colleagues - surely they deserve more?!

    Simplified, all it is saying, is treat your husband as the man you surely respect, love and admire, and try and fulfil his needs for happiness - his instructional book should say the same for you! I personally believe that there are definite differences between men and women that should not be ignored, and that women are in todays culture taught that many of their natural needs should be suppressed. But again, I stress, we are all different and be celebrated for those differences - and choose a life partner who loves, respects and celebrates you for you are.

    Find me one woman who doesn’t want to feel treasured and adored by a partner she truly respects and admires….and guys don’t forget - it is part of your ‘duties’ to continuously earn your lady’s respect and admiration.

  133. I half agree with the article, and I also half disagree. I believe in team work. I believe what the man says is just as important as what the wife says. I believe in taking turns, yes clean and make the husband feel important, but that should also be happening to the wife. I am thankful I found a husband who also thinks this way. My husband is the head of the family, the representitive if you will, but we make every decision together.
    I admit I greatly struggle with the idea of women simply submitting to their husband. I strongly think that the woman is supposed to submit, but the husband is also to submit, and that they create a new entity. One body, one team. I was not put on this earth to simply make my husband’s life better, we were put here to make eachother’s lives better. Servants to eachother.

    And everyone who is bashing the modern way of thinking, what else do you expect? After thousands of years of women being treated like dirt and peice of property, of course women are going to push back as much as they can.

    Yes this article has good points to follow, but in other points it is extremely off base…

  134. I am a married woman and I actually like the guide and do appreciate my husband. It makes me feel feminine and I feel good when my husband is happy. Works for us :)

  135. Are all Christians Rich? My husband and I both work long hours, fulltime jobs. There is no way given our present situation that I could ever dream to fulfill this list.
    I think if one is able to do so, in these times when two incomes are so important to many families, more than ever, then one should consider their life as one of luxury.
    Having been provided that “luxury” by your “Savior” ( don’t you think the Lord has more important things to do than worry over your personal well being??) I would be mighty greatful, get the hell off my high horse lady, and stop judging others who aren’t so fortunate ( or Godly- perhpas)
    In closing, having been raised a Catholic I am seriously put off by people who seem to think that God is “A Genie In A Bottle” that one can petition at will to grant wishes.
    If you are a “Christian” you have a long long way to go toward being the truly loving, kind, spiritual and non judging being that Jesus Christ modeled for us.
    How’s that for the Prayer Group? Thanks and Good Day.

  136. Heather Marshall
    April 2nd, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    Hi Nicolette… Was your comment meant for me? Or a previous commenter? Assuming me, let me start by saying that I am sorry you got that impression of me. I truly have no idea where it came from. I could NEVER look down upon anyone who had to work - I myself worked full-time for the first 5 years of my marriage & only just recently became a stay at home wife & mom (mostly because we couldn’t afford childcare for 2 kids, not because we are rich!! Far from it!)

    Also, for a time after my first son was born, my husband was the stay at home dad…. I would come home from work to find my slippers by the door, a snack prepared, the house cleaned… The point isn’t for a wife to be subservient, the point is to serve & submit out of love. While I was at work, my husband enjoyed serving me. When we were both working, of course we had to modify this list, but it was certainly worth striving for!

    I am incredibly grateful right now to be able to stay home with my boys, & while it’s a “luxury,” it’s also a sacrifice. We can’t “afford” it, but we trust God to provide for us from month to month. We have old cars, aren’t up on the latest fashions, & don’t eat out or spend money on trivial things very often. It’s humbling, but it’s worth it.

    & I do believe that God cares about my personal well-being because He loves me. He loves You too, probably more than you know. & for anyone who is struggling, wondering if a relationship with Jesus Christ is worth it - it is! He can’t wait to work in Your life, & do “exceedingly, abundantly beyond all that we can ask or think!” He’s not a genie, He’s a God who loves you so much that he was willing to DIE for you… & now wants to give you the desires of your heart.

    Thanks for your time… & thanks everybody for all the comments! I don’t always respond but I DO read them all!!

    Keep on Striving,

    Heather :)

  137. I think what hurts me the most about all of these comments here isn’t the 1950’s housewife list of duties. It’s people’s reactions to other wives who may want to follow some of those ideas, all of them or what have you.

    I thought feminism was about allowing women the freedom to choose. Isn’t it supposed to be about letting women have the freedom to choose whether they wish to work or be housewives, whether they want to stay at home or pursue a career, whether they want to have babies or not? Instead it seems we’ve traded one set of societal ‘you must do this’ lists for another set of them. We’ve gone from looking down on working women as we once did to looking down on women who want to stay home.

    Just look at all the comments here implying these ladies who want to follow anything on this list are stupid, ignorant people. It’s absolutely disgusting to me. What right do they have to call other women stupid or disillusion or doormats simply because they choose another style of life?

    Alright, so you ladies don’t want to be housewives, you don’t want to clean house or make dinners or take off shoes. And that’s perfectly valid and perfectly fine! Do what your heart tells you to do, follow that path towards what you know will make you ultimately happy!

    And then stop and think about the fact that other people have their own wants, desires and their own choices in life. Stop and think about the fact that each and every person who comments here isn’t some faceless entity but an actual living, breathing person behind the keyboard. A person who wants to follow their own path to happiness, their own path to personal fulfillment and their own path to their heart’s desire. And if that path is being devoted to their home, choosing cleaning and cooking and taking off shoes, then you have no more right to mock them for their choice than they have to mock you for yours.

    Live and let live. Live and be happy. Most of all, understand that others have a right to be just as happy as you. And happiness comes in a lot of different shapes and forms.

  138. I have been married for 35 years to a man who was raised by a woman who lived by those “good wife” rules, and she taught them to her son. Because of that, even though I work more hours in the day than my husband does, he expects me to serve him by those rules, because that’s what a good wife does. I raised our children by myself for all intents and purposes, because that’s the wife’s job. I’m expected to do all the housework, etc. etc., because that’s a wife’s job. All according to those rules. In the 50’s, most women didn’t have to work. Those rules made more sense. But when the wife has to work, it’s not fair to expect her to live by those rules. Heather, it sounds like you’re married to a wonderful man who doesn’t take advantage of those rules and uses them to beat you up with. But you need to take a look around the world–not all of us are married to men like that.

  139. I think these guy lines are sexist mostly. Yes, as a wife I want to please my husband, give him space when he comes home and make things great for him, but honestly it’s not that type of world any more. I am very women’s rights but seriously it made things much much harder on us women to have these rights. Now we are not only expected to do the things above to fit the \mold\ as a wife and a woman, but we are also supposed to practically solely care for the children that we BOTH created, work and bring home a paycheck. So a husband works and comes home and relaxes, maybe visits some buddies twice a week all while I work full time, go to school, take care of the kids, take them to their activities, pick up and take to school, make dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, pay the bills, do the taxes, walk the dog, make doctor appointments for everyone, take everyone to the doctor and somewhere in all this take care of myself. THIS is what’s wrong with society and male/female roles today. Maybe not for all of you, but for myself and women I know. When I was a stay at home mom of 3 I felt degraded, and when we couldn’t make ends meet it was my fault for not having a job. I still get comments about all the \time I had at home doing nothing\ while raising our 3 kids. My husband was raised by a woman that does and still does all the things above and when we married it’s like he can slack off because I’m the woman and I can do that. THIS is the reality of marriages now a days… I am sick of these stereotypes for women, being this perfect woman that keeps the house immaculate and cooks and takes care of the kids all while keeping her feelings tucked down inside. NOT RIGHT….his life is NOT more important than my life, my friends, my conversations. If this isn’t you, then good for you, but it is true for a lot of women. If my husband did more of what the head of a household should do I might have the time to baby him more, but I don’t.

  140. Hey there,

    So, I’m finding this a little late, but I have to say I agree. I do feel this is at least partially due to my raising - my great grandmother (born in 1916) raised me and by the age of 4 I was making my first pot roast - but I know there’s a line that must be drawn. One should strive to provide for their husband at home whilst he strives to provide through his employment - if you’re a stay-at-home mom/wife, that’s the compromise. He works hard and so should you, but what truly makes a relationship work isn’t the process of worshiping him as though he were a god and master, it’s the communication. If you are not a stay at home wife/mother, the compromise falls more along the lines of split work, split chores, and working together to build the life you have. That’s where the communication can come in. Voice your feelings, any reasonable man would understand if you phrase it tactfully.

    tl;dr It’s a fine line for compromise, but communication is how you can truly make a relationship work, always remember to work together.

  141. I’m currently out of a job and i’m finding it hard to find work.
    I’d just like to say i’m not really a Christian but I support the way of life that seems to be causing so much contraversy!!
    I believe that women should make their own minds up on what they want to do. After all we spent years fighting for the right to do what we WANT to do.
    That being said I live the 1950’s way. I cook, clean, do the washing, treat my boyfriend with repsect, and look out for him in all areas of our life together….and guess what i’m 20! People may say this is a waste of a life but for me i find it very rewarding. In a perfect world i would have a full time job…but i haven’t. My boyfriend pays the bills, mortgage, food shopping basically he pays for me to live, i repay him by looking after our home, pets and making sure that our life together runs smoothly.
    I find it hypocritical how women are on here saying that we are stupid for living this way….saying that we are letting men rule us! All the women that are living this way and have commented on the post have said they enjoy it, it makes them feels satisfied and it makes their relationship stronger. Don’t you girls get it?! we are happy the way we are! yes we’re traditional, some would say we’re old fashioned but we are doing what we want us to do! as far as im concerened that means we are ruling our own lives which is what we have faught for over so many years!
    Ofcourse i expect my boyfriend to be thankful, and respect me back, luckily i have a keeper and he always thanks me for dinner, compliments me and above all respects what i do every day.
    Do what you want to do girls! it’s our life not anyone else’s!

  142. I do think women should respect their husbands more nowadays. I mean, If men work hard for us and still manage to treat us right, then we should give back to them by helping them relax when they come home. How hard is that? Personally, I believe it is my responsibility to take care of my husband. Not because he is the dominant one in the house, but because he treats me right and he works really hard.

  143. The original column infuriated me. I did all that for 5 years, and all I ever heard was, “we don’t have enough money. You need to finish school and get a good job. ” So, yeah, I brought him his iced tea, rubbed his feet,etc… Now I’m in school doing what he asked, we have a disaster of a home and take out several times a week. The only way this concept works for a woman to be his ALL is when he isn’t pushing off HIS responsibilities on her. You want a clean house? Bring home the $ for bills so your wife can do her job well, or clean it yourself. You want June Clever? Provide so that she can be that for you!

  144. Btw, it’s Saturday. I’ve been at home all day cleaning with kids and helping them with their housework checklists. He’s been golfing all morning. He called to tell me he will be home around 3 pm. I told him that I wanted to go get some mulch and do some landscaping when he gets here (my hobby when I have time). He whined how he just wanted to come home and chill; he didnt want to watch the kids because he is so tired. , yeah! I agree with Betty. No wonder women marry for money….if you want your marriage to survive, because women are expected to be superwoman these days! And sorry, but we’re not. You want me at home? You provide for your family 100% and I’ll make your home a relaxing haven and castle. You want me to work? Ok, but you STILL want your home to be a relaxing haven. Good luck, chump!

  145. Absolutely nothing wrong with being a wife or wanting to be, but a ‘liberated woman’ means (at least to me) that you have that decision and don’t feel that ‘wife’ is all you have to be. Simple really and I feel almost dumb saying it, but it’s true.

  146. First of all BOTH views in this article are disgusting. I am a PARTNER with my husband. I respect him as a human being, yes, but as a partner in an EQUAL relationship I have every right to question him and discuss MY concerns with him. I will NEVER play second fiddle to my husband. I will always strive to make him comfortable and happy, as he will strive to make me comfortable and happy as well. On the other hand, no wife should ever have to gird herself for her husband coming home. Both of these view points are massively flawed, caricatures of what a real marriage is. Put on your big girl panties, repeat to yourself: “Women are not second class citizens.”

  147. I agree with your thoughts. I am a stay at home mom and I also homeschool our children. I fell that this list is something to strive for. But I also have a husband that still opends doors for me, gives me his jaket if we are out and I get cold, and he teaches our three boys that this is what you do for girls and women. We also teach our daughter that this is what she deserves to have boys do for her. Our friends feel the same way and they are teaching their children simaliar ideals. But then most of our friends the mom/wife stay at home and homeschool their children. My belief is that a wife should strive to be a Proverbs 31 woman/wife/mother.

  148. I agree with a lot of what you said, but back then the males use to pay for everything and support his wife. Now days the female usually has to work and do a lot of things they did not have too do back in the 50’s. That is all they had too do back in the 50’s, but now females have too do a lot more. You can’t expect a female to come home from work and cook and clean when the husbands never did then.

  149. I am a 29 year old wife and mother of three children. I was married at the age of 20. Before I seen this article I have strive to reach many of these goals. I don’t think it is wrong to make my husband happy because he goes above and beyond for me as well. He loves me like Christ loves the church. After he is relaxed, he runs me a bath and wash my back. He brings flowers home often and we’re always taking trips and getaways. He takes the kids out some weekends so I can rest as well… Why wouldn’t I do all this and more to make him happy?

  150. As a Christian Latina woman we as wives are expected to husbands and serve the lord. We are basically expected to be a 1950’s house wife with a couple of changes. I totally agree with this because it was the way I was brought up.

  151. Mrs. Jason Clermont
    July 23rd, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    Heather,

    I want to thank you for writing this blog post! I am a newlywed of four months and imensely enjoy being my husbands wife in the sense that God has called me. Make no mistake that I do it well on my own accord, but I fully and completely agree with the advice given a housewife of the 1950’s.

  152. Feminists fought for the ability for women to choose what they did with their lives. You should feel empowered as a woman for knowing what you want and then doing whatever it takes to get it. If your truly happy in your lifestyle (whether you follow these expectations or not), then it doesn’t matter what society thinks. I disagree with these expectations only because many people get the wrong idea from them. Because it is specifically tailored to the \house-wife\, the thought rarely occurs that these expectations should be applied to \house-husband\ as well. In addition, the simple fact that they are \expectations\ makes some women feel trapped; it seems to them their futures are being laid out for them. Because of this guide(and various other factors), some men believe no woman is good for anything else other than waiting on them hand and foot. Or the only place for a woman is in the kitchen. Women are still discriminated against in the workplace and treated as second-class citizens due to this guide and several other socio-economic factors.

    All I am saying is CHOOSE whatever lifestyle makes you happy, and be grateful to the women who made that choice possible for you and so many others.

    Also, the incredibly rude comments are unnecessary. You can voice your opinion more effectively without hurting someone’s feelings. Keep in mind you are judging the lifestyle of many other men and women alike.

    I would like to voice my happiness that several of you found someone you care so much about you want to be the perfect spouse.

  153. I am a 26 year old stay at home mother of 2 and a wife.after reading this i will say i agree and disagree with the suggestions from, the 50’s post.obviously if your a mother you have a job in itself just raising the children let alone dishes,laundry,cooking and much much more.men go to their jobs and focus on their jobs and only their job during work hours.mothers and wives have tons and tons of things to balance along with raising kids.i do however agree that the stay at home spouse should do most of the cleaning and cooking.notice i saidmost that means that yes you husbands should pitch in with cooking and cleaning.you eat and you mess up the house so you can help out.getting married doesnt mean you no longer need to pick up after yourselves.when i married my husband i told him that i have no problem cooking,cleaning and doing other stuff for him in fact i like it BUT the moment he starts making me feel its my duty as a wife to pick up his junk all over and wait hand and foot on him THATS WHEN I WILL GET MAD AND START FEELING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF

  154. I think as a man, I would rather try to love and honor my wife by being the best husband I could be, not perfect or self-serving, but growing towards a happy fulfilling partnership for both of us.

    And I would hope my wife would feel similar.

  155. I agree with you. Somehow with the feminist movement we women have lost our way. I agree with the rules on how to be a good housewife, and it something I am striving for.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The History Chicks » Episode 15 Shownotes: The 1950′s Television Housewife

Leave a Reply

You will be able to edit your comment after submitting.