Heather Marshall on July 26th, 2009

A little over a year ago, I started this blog…. & since then, God has shown me SOO much about what it means to be a wife after His own heart.  Sometimes I felt like the best wife ever…. but so often I’ve felt inadequate and barely striving.

God is sooo not done with me yet, either! Tonight I finished a 5-week DVD series at church based on the book “Love & Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs.  While there were so many amazing points that I want to share with you, tonight’s session really made me go “hmmm… wow”.

As a preface, in case you’re not sure what “Love & Respect” is all about, let me give you a brief summary.  A woman’s deepest need is to be loved, and a man’s deepest need is to be respected.  In fact, marriage is not about your own personal happiness, but rather meeting the deep need of your spouse - regardless of whether or not he deserves it.  We are to give our husbands unconditional respect.

Perhaps another time I’ll talk about some of the specifics of what that means, but right now I want to focus on God’s purpose for our marriage.

God has called us to obey Him… & His command to us women is to respect our husbands. (See Ephesians 5:33).  In our obedience to God, our husband is actually irrelevant. That’s right! He’s not even in the picture… It doesn’t matter what he does (or doesn’t do), what he says (or doesn’t say), or whether or not he is obeying… we’re to look past him & obey God.  Our obedience to God will spill over onto our husbands as respect.

Crazy concept, huh?

This totally takes the focus off of our husbands’ flaws!! Now we don’t have the excuse of, “Well, my husband wasn’t being very loving to me, so I don’t have to respect him.”  We’re not respecting our husbands because of any merit of their own… we’re to look past our husbands & set our eyes on Christ.

Are you upset because your husband doesn’t show you love? Take your eyes off him, and put them on Christ.  Do you wish your husband would be more loving? Take your eyes off him, and put them on Christ.  Does your husband seem insensitive to your needs? Take your eyes off him, and put them on Christ.

When we are focused on giving reverence to Christ, when our hearts are truly on living for God, we will automatically spill respect over onto our husbands.

Not respecting your husband? That could be a reflection of your reverence toward God.  If you’re neglecting your time with God, not fixing your eyes on Him… you’ll have nothing left to spill over onto your husband.

My challenge, both for myself and for you, is to evaluate where your eyes are at. Where is your focus? Is it on God, or on your husband?

I want to throw this idea out there: Perhaps, if you find yourself facing marital difficulties, they’re being caused by a fractured relationship with God… not necessarily your husband.

Here’s the secret to a truly happy & fulfilled marriage:

…seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)

Let’s make a commitment to seek God first… and see how our marriages change because of it!

Keep on Striving,

Heather :)

PS - Next week I’ll be talking about maturity & our response toward our husbands… another “oh wow” moment in tonite’s DVD. Be sure to check back! :)

451876: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs

By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ book, Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs, is based on the biblical passage from Ephesians 5:33 (But every husband must love his wife as he loves himself, and wives should respect their husbands). His premise is that communication between a husband and wife is often frustrated because of the vastly different ways in which men and women perceive love. Women are wired to need unconditional love and men need to feel unconditionally respected. Revitalize the love in your marriage! A Focus on the Family Recommendation; hardcover.

Related posts:

  1. Your Husband’s Greatest Need
  2. The Marriage Inventory
  3. Are You Striving To Encourage Your Husband?
  4. Striving For the Goal….
  5. A Vow to Cherish

8 Responses to “Your Husband is Irrelevant (WHAT?!)”

  1. I found that the last couple of chapters the best in this book! What a novel, exciting and CALLENGING concept! Now I have no reason for my stubborn “he didn’t show love to me so why should I respect him” attitude! And after the last few weeks, I really needed that reminder; thanks Heather! I need to strive to respect my Savior via my husband today!!

  2. Simple concept…Easy to remember. I needed this. Thank you!

  3. Hi! I’ve been reading with your articles for months now. I found it so inspiring! My husband is a new christian. He received Jesus Christ as his personal saviour nearly two years ago before we got married. It was a hard work for us in our first year…well until now. Throughout this time, God showed me over and over again that my husband needs respect no matter what state of my heart is. And instead of finding faults to my partner, i need to look at my heart first.

    Anyways, thank u for sharing God’s wisdom.

    Love Lei

  4. Wow, i never saw it this way. Thank you and God bless :D

  5. I have been blessed that There are still women out there that first of all have a hunger to serve God and a desire to work on their marriages by laying down their lives. I HAVE had a vry rough first year in marriage but majorly becoz I disobeyed God in my time when dating. Now I have a chance to make up for the mistakes I did, so help me Lord. Thanks Heather too, God bless your ministry. Love u though dont know u, u have the heart for God. This has to be my favourite website now.

  6. Thanks so much for sharing this tidbit of the vast topic marriage can be. I have always felt that my husband just happen to be the one standing there when I said “I do.” That pact I made some 18 years ago was between God and me and though I have lost my way and I am struggling to get back there, I am confident He is assisting me every step of the way. Thanks again.

  7. Wow, i never thought of things that way. Ever since i started reading your articles, what was turning into a potentially sour marriage “like everyone elses” is turning around into being something more special to both of us. Ok I’m 24,working woman and engaged and terrified that stresses of planning for the wedding may be affecting our relationship. All i need to do is follow God’s will and respect him and everything will follow.

  8. What happens when your husband refuses to allow love into his heart because that was the way he was raised? There are times when he comes home on weekends from work that he has such an attitude and wants to make me responsible for it. He will NOT take any responsibilty for his fowl mood or his bad attitude–it is ALWAYS my fault. I do love him and I know that God would never give up on me and that maybe I should not give up on my husband. Now what? I don’t know if I can just walk away from a 13 year marriage. We cannot have a good heart to heart talk without him getting angry and very defensive. We can talk about the weather, the news, that sort of thing, but; that is about it.


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